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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27567688">The Hand of the Enemy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/N16/pseuds/N16'>N16</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Visions of Albion [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Friendship, Gen, Lancelot (Merlin) Lives, Loyalty, Magic Revealed, Male Friendship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:15:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27567688</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/N16/pseuds/N16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur accepts an invitation to a nearby kingdom where magic is free, he hopes to establish an alliance despite their differences. Instead, he and his knights find they’ve been invited under false pretenses, and the queen may succeed in turning friend against friend to accomplish her own aims.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwaine &amp; Merlin (Merlin), Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Visions of Albion [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>673</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For those of you coming from any of my previous stories, please be aware that updates for this one might not be quite as quick. Many chapters (not this one, but many) are longer, so they may take me a little more time to get up. :)</p><p>I don't own Merlin.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin couldn't say exactly what it was about Queen Anett. Maybe it was the way one side of her mouth tipped up, as though something about Arthur and his knights amused her. Maybe it was the way the lines around her eyes crinkled as though she smiled frequently, but the eyes themselves held no warmth. Maybe it was the way she moved, as though she had no doubt the world around her would shift to accommodate whatever she demanded.</p>
<p>Or maybe, he admitted to himself, it was his bias at work, because Arthur had spoken to their entire delegation ad nauseum about the importance of not letting their guard down around her.</p>
<p>"Gedan and Camelot have had no love for each other in the past, and magic roams freely there," he'd warned before they'd set out from Camelot. "It is a dangerous land, and there are rumors Anett herself may be a sorceress. Hopefully this visit will help the relationship between our two kingdoms, but we must remain cautious, no matter how friendly they seem."</p>
<p>Legalized magic was hardly something to set Merlin on edge, but the idea of a sorceress queen made even him nervous. It brought back memories of Morgana perched arrogantly on Arthur's throne.</p>
<p>An unfair prejudice, he knew. But now, seeing Anett himself, he felt inclined to agree with Arthur. He looked into the woman's eyes and saw a snake staring back.</p>
<p>But apart from her eyes, she played the role of gracious hostess well.</p>
<p>"Welcome, King Arthur," she said, standing from her throne and stepping down to greet him. "What a joy to finally host a king from Camelot. This moment has been a long time coming."</p>
<p>"Indeed, Queen Anett," Arthur agreed, wearing a warm, neutral smile that bore little resemblance to his real one. "Thank you for meeting with us. I truly hope we may find common ground in the days to come, that Camelot and Gedan may move forward in friendship."</p>
<p>"I hope that as well," the queen agreed. But even as she spoke the words, she suddenly seemed distracted. Her head tilted to the side, her gaze surprised and then confused. "I apologize," she said uncertainly, "and please pardon my bluntness, your majesty, but – magic is still illegal in Camelot, is it not?"</p>
<p>Merlin noticed Arthur's back stiffen and his sword hand twitch, and he allowed his own magic to rise to the surface, prepared to act in case this whole thing was a trap.</p>
<p>"It is," Arthur answered warily, and Anett's face turned back to a smile, albeit a puzzled one.</p>
<p>"Forgive me. I did not intend to make you nervous. I only – well, I can sense magic on you. On all of you, actually. It rather caught me off guard."</p>
<p>Merlin's breath caught, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lancelot dart a look at him.</p>
<p>She could sense magic? Even knowing the queen might be a sorceress, Merlin had never considered that possibility. And yes, Arthur – and the knights – were covered in all manner of magic. They always were, if Merlin was around.</p>
<p>Arthur looked both wary and astonished, and Merlin could see him wondering if her words were a trick. "Magic? On us?"</p>
<p>"Yes," she mused. "It doesn't feel malicious, but I can certainly feel its presence."</p>
<p>"How can you feel such a thing?" Elyan asked, and both royals looked up in surprise.</p>
<p>Fortunately, Anett didn't seem to be offended by the interjection. "I just can," she answered simply. "We do have tools at our disposal that I could offer you – we have a pool, actually, right here in the castle, whose sole purpose is to remove enchantments. If you'd like to, you're welcome to bathe in it, to ensure all magic is removed from your person."</p>
<p>Merlin felt a brief flare of panic before Arthur declined. "Thank you for the generous offer, but that won't be necessary," he assured her. "I must admit, however, after many days of travel, a bath of the ordinary variety sounds wonderful."</p>
<p>The queen allowed the change of subject and took the hint, nodding to the servants standing at the back of the room. "Of course. I'll have you shown to your quarters so you may rest and freshen up. We can get to know each other better at the feast this evening."</p>
<p>The next hour was a flurry of hauling luggage and toting pails of water back and forth and making friendly introductions to the other servants helping, but eventually Merlin and Arthur were left to themselves, Merlin unpacking the king's things while he prepared for the feast.</p>
<p>"What madness," Arthur grumbled as he bathed. "We're barely in the door, and she wants us all to subject ourselves to a magic pool! Does she think I'm a complete idiot?"</p>
<p>Merlin wasn't sure how to answer. He feared the queen's offer had been entirely genuine, but he couldn't very well tell Arthur that.</p>
<p>"It does seem like it would be an unwise move," he agreed instead.</p>
<p>"A petty trick, trying to scare us. Telling us we're covered in magic so we'll just turn around and let her use magic on us," he huffed.</p>
<p>"So you, uh – you don't believe her?" Merlin asked. He knew he should leave it alone, that the less Arthur thought about the woman's claim, the better. But he couldn't help himself. "About you having magic on you, I mean?"</p>
<p>Arthur sighed, flicking the water thoughtfully. "Honestly, I didn't see deception in her when she said it. But it seems unlikely, and I don't doubt she'd lie to gain an advantage." He looked over at Merlin. "What do you think? Did she seem truthful to you?"</p>
<p>"Oh, I don't know," Merlin said hurriedly, focusing on smoothing out the wrinkles in Arthur's tunic. He didn't dare risk using magic the way he typically would; not with a queen who could sense magic nearby. He wouldn't use magic at all until they left, if he could help it. "I was at the back of the room, after all. I couldn't really see her well enough to tell."</p>
<p>Arthur frowned and nodded. "Her claim makes me uncomfortable," he admitted. "But I'd rather take my chances with the non-malicious magic that may or may not exist than subject myself to unknown magic from someone I know I don't trust."</p>
<p>Merlin couldn't deny the relief he felt in response to Arthur's words, but he knew better than to relax. Things could certainly be worse – Arthur could have latched onto Anett's claim and responded with rage against the unknown sorcerer who'd enchanted them, after all. But they'd been in the castle mere hours and had only had one conversation with the queen, and already she'd thrown a curve ball. They still had another three days to get through.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Merlin had moments when he wished he weren't a servant. When he'd spot the sneer on a lord's face as he looked at him, or when he'd see a knight celebrated for a brave deed while Merlin stood in the background, dirty and tired and knowing the victory actually belonged to him.</p>
<p>But sometimes, like tonight, he was grateful for his position. Because if he were a knight or a lord, he'd be seated at a table several yards away. And granted, he would be enjoying the impressive feast instead of just smelling it, but he wouldn't be close enough to keep an eye on Queen Anett, seated just to Arthur's left.</p>
<p>And Queen Anett was a woman Merlin wanted to keep an eye on.</p>
<p>She smiled, said pretty words, provided comfortable accommodations. But behind her blue eyes, Merlin still saw the snake. Watching, circling, calculating, planning.</p>
<p>"I admit, I was surprised you accepted my invitation," the queen said to Arthur, raising an eyebrow as she took a sip of wine. "Your father refused many opportunities to visit us here."</p>
<p>Arthur smiled, that bland, neutral smile again. "You will find that I am not my father, your majesty. And it is my hope that, with open minds and honest conversations, Camelot and Gedan may be friends one day in the future."</p>
<p>"Even though magic reigns free here?" she asked quizzically, and Arthur managed to keep his smile in place.</p>
<p>"We are allied with other kingdoms that embrace magic. I do not believe we must share identical beliefs for our kingdoms to work together." He raised a hand, gesturing to Merlin, and his servant stepped forward to fill his goblet.</p>
<p>It happened so quickly, Merlin thought it might have been his imagination. Queen Anett made him uneasy enough that it could happen – maybe his nerves just made him <em>think</em> her eyes flashed gold for a moment.</p>
<p>But he felt the magic. That wasn't his nerves. That was magic. In the wine.</p>
<p>She had enchanted Arthur's wine while Merlin poured.</p>
<p>His temper flared, but there was little he could do in the moment; it was clear no one else had seen the change in her eyes, and no other outward sign would indicate magic. All he could do was keep Arthur from drinking it.</p>
<p>So, cringing at the response he knew he would receive, he bumped the goblet with the carafe, dumping the wine from both onto the table.</p>
<p>Knowing it was coming did not make Arthur's ire any more pleasant to experience.</p>
<p>"Merlin!" he cried in horror, pushing himself back from the table as the crimson liquid spilled over from the table onto his lap. "You clumsy idiot!"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry!" Merlin said hastily, his panic real. He got away with quite a bit, but dumping an entire pitcher of wine on the king at a formal feast…that was pushing the line, even for him.</p>
<p>"You truly are the most incompetent servant in the five kingdoms, you know that?" Arthur fumed, futilely trying to salvage his trousers with a napkin. Behind Merlin, a servant magically appeared with a stack of towels, and he and Merlin worked together to try to contain the mess.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry, Arthur," Merlin said again. "I mean, sire! I don't know what happened!"</p>
<p>"I apologize," Arthur said to Anett, ignoring him. "I swear, he has porridge for brains."</p>
<p>"Then why do you keep him?" the queen asked innocently, as though Merlin weren't standing <em>right there</em>, inches away as he mopped up the spill.</p>
<p>"That's a question I ask myself daily," Arthur said with a dark look at his servant. Merlin did his best not to scowl back as the queen let out a polite laugh.</p>
<p>"Good servants are hard to find," she acknowledged, "but I would imagine you could at least find an adequate one if you really wanted."</p>
<p>"I imagine I could," Arthur agreed.</p>
<p>The conversation moved on as Merlin stepped back, another servant handing him a fresh pitcher of wine with a wary glance. Merlin checked around him, making sure no one was paying attention, then closed his eyes and cast a quick enchantment of his own. He felt the magic settle into the pitcher, protecting the contents from any further spells. His plan not to do magic hadn't even lasted an hour, but he didn't see another option. He couldn't afford to let Arthur consume an enchanted drink – apart from his own enchantments, of course – and he couldn't very well dump wine on the king a second time. Arthur might actually kill him.</p>
<p>His efforts proved unnecessary in the end. The next time he refilled Arthur's cup – the king muttering threats under his breath as to what would happen if Merlin dropped it again – the queen simply watched.</p>
<p>But even focused as he was on the wine and on Arthur, Merlin didn't miss the calculating look in her eye as her gaze followed him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The feast dragged on for far longer than Merlin would have liked, and he suspected longer than Arthur would have liked as well. Although the king maintained his smile, Merlin saw the weariness in his eyes when he finally bid the queen goodnight.</p>
<p>Merlin slipped out the servants' exit at the same time, taking a detour to the kitchens before returning to Arthur's room. He needed to collect some water for the king, not to mention a bit of food for himself. He got turned around a bit on his way back, but eventually found himself back at the feast hall, now empty except for the servants cleaning up. He set out again more confidently; he knew the way from here.</p>
<p>But as he turned the corner, he found himself face to face with the queen herself.</p>
<p>And strangely enough, she was alone. No escort. No guards. No servants.</p>
<p>But then, she did have magic. Perhaps she had no need of guards.</p>
<p>"Good evening," she said cordially, and Merlin had to resist the urge to look around and see if she was speaking to someone else. But he was the only one there, and the woman was looking directly at him.</p>
<p>"Good evening, your majesty." He bowed quickly, then stood aside so she could pass.</p>
<p>"Merlin, isn't it?" she asked, and he nodded.</p>
<p>"Yes, your majesty." He kept his eyes low, trying not to notice the way her own eyes followed him like a predator's.</p>
<p>"Personal manservant to King Arthur, are you not?"</p>
<p>"I am, your majesty."</p>
<p>"I thought so. Please, come with me. I'd like to speak with you for a moment."</p>
<p>Merlin swallowed, but he really didn't have a choice. He followed her through a nearby door and into a sitting room.</p>
<p>"Water for your king and dinner for yourself, I presume?" she asked, gesturing to the dishes in his hand, and he nodded nervously.</p>
<p>"Set the water down. You can go ahead and eat while we talk. I know you've had a long evening, and I would hate to delay your meal any further." She smiled warmly at him as she took a seat. "Please, sit with me."</p>
<p>Queens didn't greet servants in the hallway. Queens didn't invite servants to sit with them. Queens definitely didn't allow servants to eat dinner while they chatted.</p>
<p>In different circumstances, Merlin might be impressed by her kindness. He might think her a compassionate and humble queen, to treat a servant in such a way. But this was Queen Anett. And Merlin had only known her a few hours, but he felt certain that she didn't act – including small acts of kindness toward a servant – unless it somehow benefited her.</p>
<p>"How long have you worked for King Arthur?" she asked conversationally as he nibbled at his meal. He was afraid to take a large bite in case she asked a question and expected an answer.</p>
<p>"About eight years." He didn't like answering; he felt like any piece of information he gave her would be a weapon. But he couldn't refuse to say anything, and there was no point risking a lie about something so trivial.</p>
<p>"He's not very kind to you, is he?"</p>
<p>Merlin would have laughed at that comment from anyone else, and then likely agreed with them. But again, he went with the truth. "He's a good king. And he's a good master. I'm glad to serve him."</p>
<p>The queen looked surprised at that. "Are you really? Even though he mocks you?"</p>
<p>Merlin couldn't very well say, "I mock him too," so he just shrugged.</p>
<p>"He's an interesting man, your king. An interesting man from an interesting kingdom. Camelot's war against magic has disturbed me for many years. I was just a child when Uther began his slaughter – what do they call it there? 'The Great Purge'?"</p>
<p>Merlin wished he had something to drink with his food. His parched mouth made it difficult to swallow, much less speak.</p>
<p>"Yes, your majesty."</p>
<p>"Yes, I thought so," she mused. "He maintains his father's line against magic, yet he did not panic when I sensed the magic on him and his men."</p>
<p>She waited expectantly, and Merlin wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. Clearly she wasn't going to speak again until he responded.</p>
<p>"Arthur doesn't make hasty decisions," he said awkwardly, and even as the words left his mouth, he understood her strategy. If she left the silence open and awkward long enough, he would feel compelled to fill it. She didn't care what he said – any information about Arthur could potentially be useful for her.</p>
<p>He shoved another piece of food in his mouth, determined she would not get any more out of him with that trick.</p>
<p>"Of course, I only told the king a little bit of what I sensed. I kept the good stuff for myself." She smirked conspiratorially at Merlin, and every bite he'd eaten turned to rocks in his stomach.</p>
<p>Gods. She knew.</p>
<p>"The enchantments were days old at most," she observed. "It takes nearly a week to reach Gedan from Camelot. That means they had to be done by someone traveling with the group. And since magic radiates from you like heat from a wildfire, I can only imagine you're the responsible party."</p>
<p>Merlin placed the piece of bread back down on the plate and looked up, meeting the queen's gaze. Such boldness was unacceptable in a servant.</p>
<p>But then again, she already knew he wasn't just a servant.</p>
<p>"Are going to tell him?" he asked quietly.</p>
<p>She watched him for a long moment, then smiled. "No, Merlin. I have no intention of revealing your secret. But I must admit, I'm curious why a sorcerer would choose to live in Camelot of all places, and would choose to serve a king who would see him dead."</p>
<p>"Arthur is a good king," Merlin repeated his words from earlier. "I believe in him."</p>
<p>Queen Anett considered him thoughtfully. "He may be a good king to some," she hedged, "but he's certainly not a good king to those with magic. There is nothing fair or just about his treatment of them. Of <em>you</em>."</p>
<p>She left the silence open again, awkward and empty, but this time Merlin held his tongue and refused to fill it. As the moment stretched on, her lips twisted in amusement and, unless Merlin was mistaken, respect.</p>
<p>"In a place like Gedan," she continued, breaking the silence as though it had never existed, "Sorcerers are honored. They might even serve in the court as part of the nobility, treated with the same respect given to knights and lords."</p>
<p>She paused again, but she seemed to recognize Merlin's determination to hold his silence, because she didn't wait as long before moving on.</p>
<p>"I think a man like you could be happy in a place like Gedan, Merlin," she said, her tone deceptively casual. "A place where you wouldn't have to hide or pretend to be less than you are. One day, if you'd like, you might find a home here."</p>
<p>Merlin stared, his speechlessness genuine this time. Was she trying to <em>recruit</em> him?</p>
<p>"Of course, you would need to prove your friendship first." The warmth faded, the snake more evident as she studied Merlin, watching him with the same expression Arthur wore when evaluating a new horse. "Would you like to be friends, Merlin?"</p>
<p>Dear gods.</p>
<p>"You want me to spy for you," he whispered, unable to keep the horror out of his voice.</p>
<p>He expected her to deny it, to try to repackage her offer into something more subtle. But she just raised an eyebrow and said, "Yes."</p>
<p>Merlin stood, noticing in the back of his mind that his hands were shaking. "No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "No, absolutely not."</p>
<p>"Take a deep breath, Merlin." She stayed seated, watching him calmly, her voice low and reassuring. "I'm not going to force you, and I'm certainly not going to hurt you. I'm just making you an offer. You continue to do what you've been doing for another three years, except you tell me what you see and hear. After three years, you'd come to Gedan, be given a place as a sorcerer at court, and live out the rest of your days with the respect your power deserves."</p>
<p>"No," he repeated. "My loyalty lies with Arthur, and it always will."</p>
<p>"Admirable," she complimented him, but her tone said something else entirely, and her lip curled just slightly with disgust. "But may I point out, he has done nothing to earn your loyalty. He persecutes your kind."</p>
<p>"He's a good king," he insisted for the third time that night. "I'm not interested. Please, I would like to leave now."</p>
<p>Queen Anett nodded once. "You're free to go. Think about my offer, though. I will ask you again before you return to Camelot."</p>
<p>"You don't have to. My answer won't change."</p>
<p>She smiled. "We'll see."</p>
<p>Merlin bowed before making a hasty exit.</p>
<p>By the gods. <em>Treason</em>. She'd thought…she'd really thought…</p>
<p>He found Arthur's quarters without trouble, not bothering to knock before he let himself in. It only occurred to him once the door was halfway open that he'd be in a world of trouble if these weren't the right rooms.</p>
<p>Fortunately, he'd remembered correctly, and Arthur sat inside, along with the knights. It was a common practice on trips like these; the men would gather in the evening and compare notes, sharing observations and tidbits of information they'd picked up while out and about in foreign territory. Merlin usually sat in, and oftentimes even contributed what he'd been able to gather from the other servants.</p>
<p>His additions were not normally the highlight of the discussion. That would be different tonight.</p>
<p>"Merlin! Are you all right?" Gwaine asked, taking his feet off the table and sitting up straight as he took in the look on his friend's face.</p>
<p>Merlin fumbled to close the door behind him and spilled out all in one breath, "Queen Anett just asked me to be a spy for her."</p>
<p>The room went silent. Merlin knew all eyes were on him, but he kept his gaze on Arthur, who stood slowly from his chair, waiting for Merlin's next words.</p>
<p>"She said if I spied for her for three years, I could come live in Gedan afterwards and be given a place at court." He wrinkled his nose at that. "Can you imagine me at court? Like as a noble, I mean, not as a servant? What would I even do – go to meetings and discuss taxes? Saunter around the castle feeling superior to other people? Order poor servants around because I think I'm more important than they are?"</p>
<p>"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur ordered. "What else did she say?"</p>
<p>"You just told me to shut up," Merlin complained, earning him a glare. He sighed. "She said it doesn't seem like you're very nice to me."</p>
<p>Arthur snorted at that. "What else?"</p>
<p>For the first time, and far too belatedly, Merlin questioned the wisdom in telling Arthur about Anett's offer. He hadn't even considered holding it back – if Anett was trying to arrange for a spy in Camelot, the king needed to know. But revealing only part of the conversation was more difficult than hiding or revealing all of it.</p>
<p>"That was it," Merlin said uncertainly, trying to recall what else she'd said unrelated to magic. "I think. I don't remember anything else."</p>
<p>"Clever," Leon observed. "If she wanted a spy in Camelot, Merlin would make a good choice."</p>
<p>"Indeed," Arthur agreed, pacing the room as he thought. "She'd have no way of knowing his loyalty or character, and the incident tonight would certainly have sent the wrong message. I guess I should thank you for being a clumsy oaf," he added as an afterthought. "That disaster at dinner probably prompted her to make a move earlier than she would have otherwise."</p>
<p>Merlin thought that was unlikely; Anett had approached him because of his magic, not because Arthur had flung careless insults at him during a feast. But Arthur was more than welcome to believe what he liked.</p>
<p>"Did she say anything about her intentions toward Camelot?" Lancelot asked, and Merlin shook his head.</p>
<p>"I don't think so. Not that I remember."</p>
<p>"No, she'd want it to be a one-way stream of information," Arthur said thoughtfully. "She wouldn't risk saying anything to Merlin until she was sure she had his loyalty." He paused at that. "What did you tell her, by the way?"</p>
<p>Merlin felt his eyes bug incredulously. "Are you joking? I told her no. Multiple times. But she still said she'd check again before we left in case I changed my mind." He rolled his eyes at that. Now that his pulse was slowing and his thoughts settling after the unexpected encounter, he was able to sit down. "I left my dinner," he realized, scowling.</p>
<p>"What?" Gwaine asked.</p>
<p>"I had a plate of food, but I was so disoriented by the whole thing, I left it behind." His stomach growled, and he resisted the urge to pout.</p>
<p>"Don't be such a baby, Merlin," Arthur said distractedly, waving to the bowl of fruit on the table.</p>
<p>"Easy for you to say," Merlin muttered as he grabbed an apple. "You had a feast."</p>
<p>"I can't say I'm shocked she'd want eyes in Camelot," Arthur said, turning the conversation back to the larger issue. "She claimed to sense magic earlier, so it stands to reason that the rumors about her being a sorceress are true. She'd want to know what was happening in a kingdom where magic was outlawed. And Merlin is already at court, and he sees a great deal in his role. Or he would, if his eyes and brain worked."</p>
<p>"Arthur," Leon broke in quietly. "It wouldn't be a terrible thing for us to control the situation." Arthur looked up, and the two men exchanged a long look.</p>
<p>"That's an idea," the king acknowledged slowly, turning his gaze back to Merlin.</p>
<p>The contemplative look on his face confused Merlin, but Gwaine figured it out quickly.</p>
<p>"You're joking, right?"</p>
<p>"It would give us an advantage," Leon argued. "And if we're looking at a potential conflict with a kingdom with a sorceress queen, we need every advantage we can get."</p>
<p>"No," Gwaine insisted. "It's too dangerous!" He turned his attention to the king. "Arthur, you can't really be considering this."</p>
<p>"Considering what?" Merlin interrupted, and all three men turned to look at him. He focused on Arthur, trying to understand the uncertain and curious look on his face, and wondering why guilt seemed to lay beneath those other emotions.</p>
<p>"Merlin," Arthur asked hesitantly, "if I asked you to do it, would you say yes?"</p>
<p>"Say yes?" Merlin repeated, staring at him. "To <em>spying on you</em>?"</p>
<p>"You wouldn't <em>actually</em> spy on me." Arthur rolled his eyes. "You would just agree to spy on me, and then you would tell her whatever I told you to tell her. And you would tell <em>me</em> whatever she said."</p>
<p>"She'd kill him if she ever found out," Gwaine objected again. "And since she's a sorceress, she might have ways of knowing if he's lying."</p>
<p>Merlin put the apple down on the table in front of him, his appetite suddenly gone.</p>
<p>"Gwaine's right," Arthur confirmed, still watching Merlin. "It would be dangerous."</p>
<p>They made a valid point – she might find out he had double-crossed her and kill him. But Merlin wasn't nearly as worried about that as Gwaine was. If he really had to, he could defend himself against Anett.</p>
<p>No, the bigger problem was that Anett knew he had magic. And she'd said she wouldn't tell Arthur, but who knew how long that would last? Merlin couldn't have ongoing interactions with this woman, appearing to betray Arthur, while she held that secret. The more they saw of each other, the more likely she was to use that information against him.</p>
<p>Anett was a danger to Camelot. But she was also a danger to Merlin, and by extension, a danger to Arthur. Because if Anett played her cards right, she could remove Merlin from Arthur's side. And that would leave Arthur vulnerable.</p>
<p>"No," Merlin gave his answer in a whisper, unable to meet the king's eye. "I've done many dangerous things for you, Arthur, and fate willing, I'll do many more. And if you order me to do this, I will obey you. But if you're giving me the choice…this time, my answer is no."</p>
<p>It took Arthur a moment to find his tongue. "Of course," he said, and Merlin's heart sank as he saw him putting on his political face, that neutral and accepting smile that meant nothing.</p>
<p>"Don't do that." It came out almost as a plea. "I can't stand it when you start acting like a king with me."</p>
<p>The words startled Arthur enough to break through the façade. "I don't <em>act</em> like a king, Merlin, I <em>am</em>—"</p>
<p>"Sometimes you have to stop being Arthur," Merlin interrupted, "because you have to be <em>king</em>. There are moments that require that of you. This isn't one of those moments. I'm still just me. And I know I'm disappointing you, and I'm sorry. But I can't do this."</p>
<p>To his relief, the king face didn't go up again. Instead, Arthur sat back down and ran a hand over his eyes. "It's okay, Merlin. You're not…disappointing me. I'm so used to you running headfirst into dangerous situations that I forgot even you have your limits." He forced a smile, not the fake kingly smile, but just an insincere Arthur smile. "I'm not upset with you."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Merlin said again.</p>
<p>"Don't be. And thank you for bringing this to me. Please let me know what else she says to you – I'm certain she'll try again before the visit is done. That conversation alone may reveal something valuable." He hesitated. "Do you have any objection to speaking with her again before we leave?"</p>
<p>Merlin wasn't excited about the idea, but he figured it was inevitable regardless. "Of course not," he lied.</p>
<p>Arthur gave him a tight smile. "Thank you. In the meantime, it's late. We should all get some sleep."</p>
<p>Merlin avoided the knights' eyes as they left the room, although he spotted Lancelot glancing at him sideways with curiosity and concern, and Gwaine paused to give him a one-armed hug on the way out the door. Once they were gone, it was just Merlin and the king.</p>
<p>"I can prepare myself for bed tonight," Arthur said as Merlin pulled out his sleeping clothes. "Go ahead and get some rest."</p>
<p>Merlin nodded, wondering how long Arthur would avoid him. He believed him when Arthur said he wasn't disappointed in him, but that didn't mean he wasn't disappointed in general. For a moment, the king had hoped he might be able to get one step ahead of Anett, and then Merlin had dashed that hope. It was only natural he felt some degree of letdown.</p>
<p>"Right," Merlin said, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. "Goodnight then, sire." He gave a small bow before turning to the door.</p>
<p>"Don't," Arthur interrupted, and Merlin paused in confusion. "You told me not to go acting like a king earlier, but you're doing the same thing. Titles, bowing…" Arthur sighed. "I'm not upset with you, Merlin. If anything, I'm upset with myself."</p>
<p>Merlin took a step back into the room, confused. "Why would you be upset with yourself?"</p>
<p>Arthur laughed unhappily. "You do a lot of things no ordinary – or sane – servant would do. Fight dragons. Follow me on my quest, even after I explicitly ordered you not to. Take up a sword and fight to protect or take back Camelot." He shook his head, smiling at the memories. "When I made that request tonight, it didn't even occur to me you might say no. It literally did not even cross my mind as a possibility. But you're a servant, not a knight, and it was unfair to assume that of you."</p>
<p>The words stung, despite the fact Arthur clearly intended it to be an apology and not an insult.</p>
<p>"That's who I want to be," Merlin insisted quietly. "I don't care about a list of job duties. I want to be someone who will do whatever needs doing to keep you and Camelot safe."</p>
<p>"Well, you certainly don't care about job duties," Arthur joked, but neither of them managed a real laugh.</p>
<p>"I wish I could say yes. I just…can't. Not this time." If anything, Arthur's understanding made Merlin feel worse. It seemed like Arthur was apologizing for having believed Merlin was better than he turned out to be. "But next time there's something stupid and dangerous that needs doing, I promise, I'll be there."</p>
<p>Arthur smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I don't doubt it. Now get some sleep, Merlin. We can't afford to let our guard down tomorrow."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The previous evening, Merlin had considered faking ill and hiding for the duration of the trip in the hopes that his magic wouldn't be discovered. Now that Anett had already learned his secret, his plan reversed. He kept himself as close to Arthur's side as he could.</p>
<p>He stood on the sidelines when Arthur and the others trained with Anett's knights the next morning, even though he could have taken advantage of the opportunity to tidy the room and perhaps even take a few minutes for himself. His concern turned out to be unwarranted; although he had a brief moment of paranoid panic when a Gedan knight landed a blow on Arthur, it turned out to be little more than a nick, and the knight charitably helped the king to his feet. Even so, Merlin followed along when the First Knight of Gedan provided them with a tour of the armory, and he stood silently and obediently behind Arthur's chair the entire afternoon while he and Anett discussed their priorities for their respective kingdoms. The next day, he volunteered to go along on a hunt, earning him a sideways look from the king before Arthur grabbed his arm and hauled him off for a private conversation.</p>
<p>"Merlin," he muttered under his breath, "Anett can't try to approach you again if you're always at my side."</p>
<p>"She can't try to kill or enchant you if I'm at your side either," Merlin pointed out, prompting Arthur to laugh more loudly than Merlin thought necessary.</p>
<p>"Of course she can, you idiot! What on earth would you do if she acted against me? Yell at her? Push me out the way?"</p>
<p>Merlin knew he couldn't tell Arthur the truth, but moments like this stabbed deep. Moments when he realized anew that Arthur had no idea what all he did for him.</p>
<p>Arthur must have seen something in his eyes, because he paused, his laughter fading. "Look," he said more gently, " I'll have the knights with me, and you can't offer any protection they can't provide."</p>
<p>"So you'll leave me back at the castle with the sorceress queen," Merlin said flatly, trying one last angle, and Arthur cringed.</p>
<p>"I know she frightens you – she makes me a little uncomfortable too, to be honest – but I don't believe she'll harm you." But as he thought it through, his expression turned hesitant. "I'll leave one of the knights here," he decided. "Just in case."</p>
<p>"I do <em>not</em> need a knight to babysit me," Merlin growled, but Arthur waved a hand dismissively.</p>
<p>"I'm sure someone won't mind staying back."</p>
<p>The only thing worse than not going with them would be for one of the knights to stay behind. First, because it was humiliating they thought he needed watching over, and second, because he would much rather have everyone on hand to protect the king, if need be.</p>
<p>But even as Merlin tried to form another protest, Arthur walked away.</p>
<hr/>
<p>In the end, they left Lancelot behind with firm orders from Arthur that he was to stay far enough away from Merlin that Anett could approach, but close enough to intervene should he need help.</p>
<p>As he watched the group leave, Merlin wondered exactly what Arthur thought Lancelot was going to do if Merlin needed saving from a sorceress.</p>
<p>"Cheer up," Lancelot said, slapping him on the back. "It's only because he cares."</p>
<p>"It's only because he's a prat," Merlin muttered, even though he recognized the truth in Lancelot's words. His friend just smiled, ignoring Merlin's complaints about the king with the same ease he always did.</p>
<p>Merlin had to admit, if someone had to stay behind, he was glad it was Lancelot. At least if something happened with Anett, Merlin would be able to use his magic without worrying about staying hidden.</p>
<p>And something did happen with Anett, although not quite what he'd expected.</p>
<p>"Merlin," she greeted him after Lancelot had slipped away. "I'm glad I found you. I was hoping we could take advantage of this time while your king and all his men are otherwise engaged."</p>
<p>Merlin tried to return her smile and push back his magic. Her presence set him on edge in a way that pulled his power to the surface, ready to act.</p>
<p>He wondered if she could sense it.</p>
<p>"Of course," he answered, putting on the polite and subservient face he only wore for very special occasions back in Camelot. "What do you need from me, your majesty?"</p>
<p>"Walk with me," she said. "I'd like to show you something."</p>
<p>He trailed after her until they came to an open doorway. Inside, he could see a council chamber with a large table, but she didn't lead him through the door. Instead, she came to a stop just outside.</p>
<p>"My Grand Council is about to meet," she explained. "Just routine business, and I've already asked a representative to sit in for me this time. But – ah! There he is. Merlin, meet Lord Snowden. He works with our military, developing magical tools for use in warfare."</p>
<p>Lord Snowden, an older, twitchy man, smiled politely at Merlin. If he thought it odd his queen was introducing him to a foreign servant in tattered clothes, he gave no sign of it.</p>
<p>"Snowden, this is Merlin. He's a promising young sorcerer I'm trying to recruit."</p>
<p>Dear gods, she just said it. Plain as day, in the <em>middle </em>of the day, in a hallway where anyone could hear.</p>
<p>Merlin sent up a panicked prayer of gratitude that Lancelot was the only knight in the castle.</p>
<p>"Nice to meet you, young man," Lord Snowden said, offering his hand. Merlin shook it, trying desperately to seem as though he shook hands with lords all the time.</p>
<p>Hugging knights? Absolutely.</p>
<p>Shaking hands with lords? Never.</p>
<p>"You as well." Merlin managed to keep his voice even, and then the meeting was over, and Snowden had disappeared into the room.</p>
<p>"Now, this is who I really wanted you to meet – Lady Nara. She manages our resources for gaining intelligence in other kingdoms. Nara, this is the young man I told you about. Merlin."</p>
<p>Lady Nara stood nearly a foot shorter than Merlin, but he still fought not to squirm under her examination.</p>
<p>"Her majesty tells me you have some talent with magic, Merlin," she said with a shrewd look. "Is that so?"</p>
<p>If only Arthur had let him go on the hunt. Maybe he could have gotten hit with an arrow, or even a spear. He would have greatly preferred a mortal injury over this. It was bad enough Anett announced he had magic for anyone to hear, but <em>he </em>certainly wasn't going to voluntarily share that information with the people of Gedan when he didn't share it with his friends in Camelot.</p>
<p>"I'm just a servant," he said uncomfortably, and Anett laughed.</p>
<p>"He has a humble spirit," she chuckled, "but he certainly has some power."</p>
<p>"That's always an asset for those who work for me," Nara said approvingly. "Hopefully I'll see you again."</p>
<p>To Merlin's infinite relief, Anett led him away after that, apparently done spilling his secrets to her entire kingdom. He wondered where they were heading next, but feared the answer too much to ask.</p>
<p>"Both Snowden and Nara grew up as commoners," she explained as she guided him through the halls. "But they both used their skills – magic included – in service to Gedan, and therefore earned their place at court. Nara has an estate and a nice piece of land about six miles from here. She raises warhorses there. For fun, of course, not as part of her official duties. Anett paused and looked at Merlin out of the corner of her eye. "What would you do if you had a piece of land at your disposal? Are you a fan of horses?"</p>
<p>"I like living in the castle," Merlin said, failing to keep a note of petulance out of his voice.</p>
<p>But his answer did nothing to deter Anett. "Snowden is the same way," she said cheerfully. "He has land, of course, but a steward manages it. He stays here at court nearly-full time. Which is quite convenient for me, I admit, since he works with the military. Now, I know you didn't have fun with those meetings – no one enjoys those stuffy introductions – but I do hope you'll find our next stop a little more to your liking." She winked at him, and Merlin pretended to be so engrossed in watching her open a door off the hallway that he didn't see it. The act looked unnatural on her face; a wink should be a casual thing, spontaneous and easy. But everything with Anett was so carefully scripted and cultivated that the small act seemed almost uncanny.</p>
<p>The door opened into a dark staircase. As Merlin descended behind her, the heavy door falling shut after him, he thought again how useless it was to have a knight supposedly protecting him. Lancelot could hardly follow him now.</p>
<p>When they reached their destination, Merlin silently cursed the queen for being right. Because damn it, this was amazing.</p>
<p>"We have an entire level of the basements dedicated to vaults for magical artifacts," Anett informed him proudly. "There are entire rooms just for military artifacts, another for amulets, and another for items for seeing the future, just to name a few. You'll have to forgive me if I don't take you through all of them – state secrets, you know," she joked, and Merlin's answering smile was more distracted than fake. "But I see no harm in showing you this room. I believe I heard you also work as an assistant to the physician in Camelot, do you not?"</p>
<p>"I do," Merlin confirmed vaguely. "What is this?" His hand reached out toward a set of bandages, although he didn't touch them.</p>
<p>"Ah, those were a great accomplishment. Bandages that magically stop bleeding. Very useful, both for the battlefield and for everyday use. And next to it, here – these stones, used in conjunction with the right spell, will mend broken bones."</p>
<p>Anett spent the next hour walking him through the room and describing the various items for healing, and Merlin couldn't help the awe welling up inside of him. More than once, he felt a pang of longing for Arthur to be there with him. If he could only see how many different ways magic could help the people in Camelot, Merlin was certain his heart would be changed before he ever left the vaults.</p>
<p>But of course, Arthur would never agree to enter a room full of magical artifacts in the company of a potential enemy. And Anett would never agree to show such magic to the king of Camelot.</p>
<p>As he followed the queen back up into the sunlit corridors above, his mind felt full to bursting as he tried to store away all he had seen. Perhaps he could find ways to recreate some of those items…</p>
<p>Although even if he did, he had to admit, it would be nearly impossible to find a way to use them. People would notice if their broken bones magically healed themselves.</p>
<p>"Here's where I leave you for the day, Merlin. Unfortunately, at some point a queen must return to running her kingdom," she said with a conspiratorial laugh. "I hope you took an interest in what you saw. I knew such sights must be rare in a kingdom like Camelot."</p>
<p>She didn't wait for him to respond; she just smiled and turned away, not even giving him a chance to bow before she disappeared down another corridor. Merlin didn't realize until halfway back to his chambers that she hadn't made her offer again, and he therefore hadn't had the chance to reiterate his refusal.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin didn't intentionally hide from Lancelot that afternoon. He just had chores to do, and those chores required him to be in Arthur's chambers, not in his own (far humbler) room next door.</p><p>At least, that's what he told himself.</p><p>The truth was, his trip to the vaults with Anett hadn't been unpleasant. In fact, it had been <em>fascinating</em>. And somehow Merlin didn't think Lancelot would want to hear about how much he enjoyed his tour with the queen who was trying to persuade him to betray Arthur.</p><p>Besides, if Lancelot had tailed him before that, then he was aware Anett knew about Merlin's magic. And he <em>definitely</em> wouldn't be happy about that.</p><p>But eventually, a knock sounded at the door to Arthur's chambers, and when Merlin opened it, he was unsurprised to find the knight.</p><p>"You know," Lancelot said, once he was inside the room with the door closed, "you're a difficult man to guard. I tailed you for about fifteen minutes this morning – and overheard a couple of highly disturbing conversations – and I haven't seen you since." His raised eyebrows asked the question, even if his words didn't.</p><p>"Anett took me down to the vaults to show me some of their magical artifacts," he explained, doing his best to sound casual.</p><p>There was a long moment of silence as Merlin continued tidying up the room, which Arthur had somehow already managed to make a mess of.</p><p>"Merlin," Lancelot said finally. "I know you too well for you to hide things from me."</p><p>Merlin made a face, wishing that weren't true.</p><p>"She showed me healing artifacts," he admitted, and this time he couldn't help the smile on his face. "They were amazing, Lancelot. An entire room of things to help heal people's bodies and ease their pain. If we had that for the people of Camelot…" he trailed off with a wistful sigh.</p><p>Lancelot pressed his lips worriedly. "Merlin…"</p><p>"I know," Merlin cut him off, bending down to revive the fire in the fireplace so it would be warm by the time Arthur returned. "Don't worry. I didn't get any crazy ideas. And none of it makes me trust her in the slightest. It was just nice to see."</p><p>"Of course." Lancelot paused for a moment, and Merlin could feel his eyes watching him intently. "How does she know you're a sorcerer? She clearly already knew this morning. And you knew she knew." Lancelot's voice contained an edge, something that sounded dangerously close to a reprimand, and Merlin felt his hackles go up in response. </p><p>"She sensed my magic as soon as we got here, just like she sensed the magic on all of you from my enchantments," he admitted, trying not to sound defensive. "She brought it up that night when she asked me to spy for her."</p><p>This silence stretched longer than the previous one, but Merlin refused to break and look at Lancelot.</p><p>"She knows about your magic," his friend repeated. "She's known from the first night. And she's telling others. People in her military. The person who handles her <em>spy network</em>."</p><p>"There's no need to sound so horrified," Merlin replied tetchily. "Believe me, I'm scared enough for both of us."</p><p>"Merlin…"</p><p>He caved and finally met Lancelot's gaze, but instead of the judgement he feared, he saw dismay on the knight's face.</p><p>"It will be fine," he said, his irritation deflating. "Tomorrow is our last day, and then we leave the next morning. And she says she's not going to tell Arthur."</p><p>"That's not what I'm worried about," Lancelot said, and Merlin blinked in surprise as he stood up.</p><p>"That's certainly what <em>I'm</em> worried about."</p><p>Lancelot sighed. "You're the personal manservant to the king, and the monarch of an unfriendly kingdom has information she can use against you. And she's already asked you to spy on Arthur."</p><p>"<em>That's</em> what worries you?" Merlin asked, offended. "Lancelot, I'm not going to turn on him. If she tells him, that would be…well, absolutely awful. But not awful enough to make me betray my king."</p><p>"I believe you," Lancelot said quietly. "But it doesn't change the fact that you're a sitting target for blackmail right now. And if luring you away doesn't work, you can bet she <em>will</em> move on to blackmail."</p><p>"Blackmail that wouldn't work."</p><p>"It doesn't matter. She knows. If Arthur were to find out she knew…to say nothing of the magic itself, if he were just to find out she knew something that you're still going to great lengths to keep a secret from him…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "He'll believe you betrayed him, Merlin."</p><p>"It doesn't matter if she knows," Merlin argued. "It doesn't change anything. A secret is a secret."</p><p>"It changes <em>everything</em>!" Lancelot exclaimed, frustration creeping into his voice. "Try to think this through from his perspective! A kingdom of magic is asking you to spy for them. And <em>you have magic</em>, <em>they</em> know that, and you're deliberately keeping it from him. Do you really expect him to believe your loyalties are undivided once he discovers all that?"</p><p>Merlin huffed in frustration. "What would you have me do, Lancelot?"</p><p>The knight closed his eyes for a long moment, and when he opened them again, Merlin could see the pain and pity in them. "I've kept your secret, Merlin. And I will keep it still. But this changes things. You need to tell Arthur."</p><p>"No, I don't."</p><p>"I can see it in your face, you know I'm right about this. You have to tell him before he finds out another way."</p><p>Merlin could feel panic rising up in him, partly because he <em>did</em> know Lancelot was right. It was one thing to keep his secret from everyone. It was only slightly different to share his secret with those who wished Camelot and its king well, such as Lancelot and Gaius, and even the druids. But for a potential enemy to know…that knowledge was a weapon.</p><p>"I don't <em>have</em> to do anything," he insisted stubbornly, trying to squash the panic. "I'm not going to let myself be strong-armed into this. It's my choice."</p><p>"It is your choice. And I won't force your hand. But as your friend, I'm telling you, <em>you need to tell Arthur</em>," Lancelot repeated, the words gentle and apologetic in contrast against Merlin's own harsh anger.</p><p>"No, Lancelot. <em>I don't</em>."</p><p>"You need to tell Arthur what?" a curious voice asked from the doorway, and Merlin's stomach lurched with fear.</p><p>Arthur stood watching them, muddy and sweaty from the hunt, and looking more entertained than upset.</p><p>Merlin took a deep breath, pulling himself together. And as he had a hundred times before, he forced a smile onto his face and lied.</p><p>"Nothing," he said, aiming for careless and cavalier. But the words sounded sharper than he'd intended, his panic coming out as anger, and Arthur pulled back in surprise. "Excuse me," Merlin added in a mutter, and he hurried out of the room, leaving a disheartened knight and a bemused king in his wake.</p><hr/><p>"Well," Arthur said, frowning at the door as he listened to the sound of Merlin's steps rushing down the corridor. "I certainly am lucky to have such an honest and mature manservant, aren't I?" He turned back to share the joke with his knight, but Lancelot's face showed no amusement. It held a baffling array of other emotions – worry and heartbreak and frustration, all fighting for dominance.</p><p>"Lancelot?" Arthur questioned, his own humor fading. "What's going on? What's Merlin keeping from me?"</p><p>"It's not mine to tell," Lancelot answered flatly, not meeting Arthur's eye.</p><p>"Come on. It's just Merlin. Tell me," Arthur urged, wishing he had even an inkling of what was happening. Especially when Lancelot huffed and looked up at him, bright anger suddenly overriding the previous emotions in his eyes.</p><p>"Do you honestly believe I would betray Merlin's confidence for you?" he snapped.</p><p>Arthur stared, stunned at the fury in the man's voice. But before he could say anything, Lancelot's eyes widened in horror.</p><p>"I apologize, sire," he said, bowing his head. When he looked up again, Arthur saw the shame and embarrassment on his face. "I should not have spoken to you like that. But it is Merlin's secret, and I will not share it. Excuse me."</p><p>He bowed quickly, and Arthur watched in shock as the second person in less than two minutes rushed from his chambers.</p><p>Merlin was always a bit more emotional than the others. He wasn't a knight, after all. Although Arthur suspected even if he were a knight, he'd still show more emotion than anyone else he knew. But Lancelot? Arthur had always known the man to be gentle and slow to anger, and certainly respectful of his king. Whatever was going on, it had clearly gotten under his skin.</p><p>Arthur sighed and rubbed his forehead. He suspected Lancelot was a lost cause. He wouldn't betray the confidence of a friend if he'd given his word. His best bet was to try to reason with Merlin. Besides, he needed to find Merlin anyway – he couldn't exactly dine with the queen covered in the muck from a day of hunting.</p><p>When Arthur was upset and needed space, he liked to go high, to a roof or a tower, where he could see the world below him. But he knew Merlin tended to go to ground, where he could feel the earth underneath and nature around him. So he set out in the same direction he'd heard Merlin go, doing his best to guess at what turns the servant would've taken.</p><p>When he found a courtyard garden, he knew he'd guessed right, even before he spotted the figure sitting under a tree. A quick survey of their surroundings confirmed they were alone.</p><p>Arthur didn't say anything at first. He just sat down next to his servant and looked around at the plants gleaming in the cool light of dusk. Merlin's eyes darted to him briefly when he approached and his arms tightened around his knees, but otherwise he gave no sign he'd noticed the king's arrival.</p><p>"So," Arthur began. "Lancelot said whatever this thing is you have to tell me, I'll have to get it from you. He wouldn't share."</p><p>Merlin didn't answer. He didn't even look up. Arthur rolled his eyes and tried to contain an exasperated sigh.</p><p>"Come on," he insisted, nudging Merlin's shoulder with his own. "Just tell me."</p><p>"Leave me alone, Arthur."</p><p>Arthur took a closer look and realized Merlin seemed genuinely distressed. His lips were pressed thin, and his arms weren't merely wrapped around his knees – he was clinging them to his chest, his hands clenching the opposite elbows tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. Arthur's curiosity faded, compassion taking its place.</p><p>He sighed. "All right. Look – did you break any laws?" He asked the question pointedly, fully expecting Merlin to roll his eyes or make a scathing joke.</p><p>Sure enough, his servant let out a snort. "Of course not."</p><p>And if Arthur hadn't been paying such close attention, he might have missed it. That briefest of hesitations, that quick flash of panic in his eyes.</p><p>He stared for a moment. Merlin wasn't as bad at lying as he'd always thought, he realized, disturbed by the discovery.</p><p>But he wasn't quite good enough.</p><p>"Look me in the eye and tell me that again," he ordered quietly. He was almost relieved when Merlin seemed to fold in on himself, his eyes falling closed in defeat instead of replying with another lie.</p><p>Arthur sucked in a thoughtful breath. "Huh. I didn't expect that. I thought maybe you'd met a girl here or something. I was working on this whole speech in my head about how we're all entitled to a little bit of privacy and I wouldn't make you share if you didn't want to." He stared hard at Merlin, whose expression didn't change. "You broke the law?"</p><p>"I've broken the law many times," Merlin said flatly. "A number of those times at your behest."</p><p>"Sure, while my father was alive," Arthur agreed reluctantly, and then his brain finished processing Merlin's statement. "Wait – a number of those times? What about the rest?"</p><p>Merlin didn't answer, and Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose.</p><p>"The rest have something to do with whatever this thing is you're keeping from me. So it wasn't just a one-time thing." It wasn't a question, but he waited. And this time, finally, Merlin gave an almost imperceptible nod. "Why does Lancelot think you need to tell me?"</p><p>Merlin took a shaky breath, then spoke in a voice Arthur could barely hear. "Anett figured it out. And then she spent this morning introducing me to people. Including the head of her spy network. Lancelot is worried if she can't bait me into betraying you, she'll turn to blackmail instead."</p><p>Arthur blinked. He hadn't expected that either.</p><p>"But even if she tries, it won't work," Merlin added, fierceness flashing in his eyes, and amidst his jumbled thoughts and emotions, Arthur felt a quick pang of affection for his determinedly loyal manservant.</p><p>"You know, the best way to keep that from happening would be for you to tell me first," he pointed out, nudging him with his shoulder again.</p><p>"I know," Merlin whispered to the ground in front of them.</p><p>Arthur didn't bother trying to stifle his huff of exasperation this time. Merlin was one of the most stubborn people he knew, and he was going to be late to dinner.</p><p>"All right. Does this secret endanger myself or Camelot?"</p><p>For once, Merlin answered without pause. "No." Then he hesitated and added, "You're actually safer not knowing."</p><p>That was an interesting tidbit that made no sense, but Arthur would ponder it later.</p><p>"Then here's what we're going to do. Right now, I have plenty on my hands with Anett, who I think certainly <em>could</em> be a danger to myself or Camelot, and I simply don't have time to try to force this out of you. So we're going to forget about it for now. And then, when we get back to Camelot, we're going to have a fight. Probably a pretty big fight, which I will eventually win, at which time you will tell me everything. But for now…let's just get through the next two days. Starting with drawing me a bath so I can get ready for dinner."</p><p>Merlin unfolded himself and stood, dusting off his pants, and Arthur did the same. But even though his servant trailed him back to his quarters, Arthur noticed he hadn't actually agreed to Arthur's plan. He hadn't even nodded acknowledgment.</p><p>Well, he figured grimly. When the time came, it would be a fight for the books.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner was an exhausting affair. It shouldn't have been – just small talk with the courteous queen, complimenting her on the beauty of her kingdom in response to her polite inquiries about their hunt. But Arthur searched between every word, behind every glance, trying to read the secret intentions he knew were there. She hid them well, so while he occasionally caught a glint of something in her eyes, he couldn't pinpoint what it meant.</p>
<p>At least he knew why her gaze kept darting appraisingly to Merlin, who in return adamantly avoided looking at her. Or at Arthur, for that matter. For once, his servant behaved perfectly, moving so silently and subtly as to be nearly invisible, as a proper servant should.</p>
<p>He wasn't much better as he helped Arthur prepare for bed. He wouldn't meet the king's eyes, answered Arthur's questions with shrugs when he could and one-word replies when he couldn't, and ignored all of Arthur's attempts to joke or needle him into reacting before hurrying out of the room at the end of the night.</p>
<p>When Arthur finally fell into bed, he thought he would fall asleep immediately. Instead, his fatigue seemed to disappear the moment he hit the pillow.</p>
<p>Anett hadn't invited him here so their kingdoms could move towards an alliance. Yes, it had been a friendly visit so far, and she had been welcoming and gracious. But she had an ulterior motive, and he still hadn't figured out what it was. Surely she hadn't invited an entire delegation just so she could try to plant one spy. There were more efficient and less risky ways to do that. So what did she want?</p>
<p>He eventually fell into a restless sleep, waking up more than once as the light of the moon moved across the sky.</p>
<p>Which is why he was already half awake when a knock pounded on his door. Three quick knocks, steady and firm. Not urgent, but decisive.</p>
<p>Baffled, he lit a candle and grabbed his sword, then fumbled his way to the door.</p>
<p>And there, in the pale light of the corridor, stood Merlin, looking like hell. He had his arms wrapped tightly around his stomach as though he were physically ill, and his face was pale and streaked, his eyes red.</p>
<p>"Merlin?" Arthur asked, rubbing the sleep from his face.</p>
<p>"I need to talk to you." If his eyes hadn't given away the fact he'd been crying, the raspiness of his voice would have.</p>
<p>"It's the middle of night," Arthur pointed out incredulously.</p>
<p>"I know," Merlin said, his gaze focused on a spot to the right of Arthur's head. "But if I don't tell you now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get up the nerve again."</p>
<p>The sleepiness abruptly vanished from Arthur's brain, and he held the door open.</p>
<p>They stood in silence for a minute, Arthur facing him with his arms folded, waiting. Merlin stared into space, taking a couple of deep breaths and swallowing before speaking.</p>
<p>"I was born with magic," he said finally, his voice low and trembling. "I never had a choice whether or not to be a sorcerer. I only had a choice of what to do with the power I was given. And for the past eight years, I've chosen to use it for you. To help you. To protect you."</p>
<p>Silence followed Merlin's short speech, broken only by the sound of their breathing. Arthur studied his face, but there was no sign of humor, no indication this was some kind of bizarre joke.</p>
<p>It was only a few sentences, but they turned everything Arthur thought he was sure of on its head.</p>
<p>Merlin…had magic.</p>
<p>Merlin had magic.</p>
<p><em>Merlin</em> had magic.</p>
<p>For a minute, Arthur just recited those words in his mind, waiting for them to make sense.</p>
<p>"That's not possible," he said finally. "People aren't born with magic. They have to learn it." And he knew, even as he spoke, that he was wrong, even though he'd never once doubted this fact.</p>
<p>"Some people are born with it," Merlin answered quietly. "I was."</p>
<p>Gods. The implications of that. It meant either some people were born destined to be corrupted by magic, or magic didn't corrupt. And Arthur couldn't bear to consider either of those possibilities, because the first meant people were condemned to become evil before taking their first breath, through no fault of their own, and the second meant Arthur had been party to slaughtering innocent people.</p>
<p>"Magic corrupts," Arthur whispered, and cursed himself when he heard how uncertain he sounded, like a child looking for reassurance after a nightmare.</p>
<p>"No, it doesn't," Merlin's voice came steady and soft, the trembling gone. "Fear can corrupt. Power can corrupt. But magic just is."</p>
<p>So slaughter it was, then.</p>
<p>If Merlin was right. Maybe Merlin wasn't right.</p>
<p>Maybe Arthur's very limited, almost non-existent knowledge about magic was right, and Merlin, whose life had apparently been marked by magic from birth, didn't know what he was talking about.</p>
<p>Because Merlin had magic. Merlin was a sorcerer. Had always <em>been </em>a sorcerer.</p>
<p>Arthur wanted to sit down, but sitting down would make him appear weak, and kings couldn't appear weak.</p>
<p>And then he remembered this was Merlin, who had seen him appear weak more than every person in Camelot combined. So he pulled out a chair with a shaking hand and let himself sit.</p>
<p>"You realize you could be executed for this?" It didn't occur to him until after the words were out that he'd said the wrong thing. <em>You could be executed</em>, not <em>I'll have to execute you</em> or even <em>I should execute you</em>. As though the execution were something that would come from elsewhere, unrelated to Arthur.</p>
<p>"I know," Merlin acknowledged, his face twisting in pain. "Believe me, I know. But like I said – I never had a choice."</p>
<p>"You had a choice to come to Camelot. To serve the <em>king</em>." It was beyond idiocy. It was suicide. "Gods, Merlin, what were you thinking?"</p>
<p>"As you may recall, I didn't exactly <em>decide</em> to serve the king," Merlin said with just the barest trace of dry humor in his voice. "Or the prince, rather. It was a reward I was given without my consent." His eyes darted briefly to Arthur for the first time. "But it was my decision to stay. Because once I got to know you, I believed you had the makings of a great king. And the longer I stayed, the more I believed. And I still believe. That you're a worthy king. A great friend. An honorable—"</p>
<p>"No," Arthur interrupted, a piercing pain in his chest making his voice sharp. "That's not fair. Do not speak to me of friendship right now. You <em>lied </em>to me."</p>
<p>"What would you have done in my place?" Merlin asked with a sad smile, and Arthur let out a laugh that had just a note of hysteria in it.</p>
<p>"What would <em>you</em> do in <em>my</em> place, Merlin? I'm the king, and you just told me you've been committing treason the entire time I've known you!"</p>
<p>Merlin looked up, and Arthur realized for the first time how terrified he looked. But he finally met Arthur's eye.</p>
<p>"I would believe that the man who has served and defended me for eight years has my best interests at heart. I would trust that someone who spent every day by my side for eight years, who had the power to harm me but protected me instead, is not a threat to me. I would realize that someone who has repeatedly risked his life for Camelot is not its enemy. I have proved my loyalty to you, Arthur. Every day. For eight years."</p>
<p>"You've <em>lied </em>to me every day for eight years," Arthur snapped, pushing away the emotions trying to bubble up inside him in response to Merlin's heartfelt words.</p>
<p>"About some things," Merlin acknowledged. "When I had to. But my loyalty wasn't a lie. And my actions weren't a lie, even if my words sometimes were."</p>
<p>"Oh no," Arthur realized, slumping back in the chair. "The enchantments Anett spoke about. She was telling the truth, wasn't she?"</p>
<p>Merlin only hesitated for a moment before admitting, "Yes. I have enchantments on you and the knights to help protect you and keep you healthy for the journey."</p>
<p>This wasn't magic tricks behind closed doors. He'd enchanted the <em>king</em>.</p>
<p>"This goes beyond just a suicide wish," Arthur muttered. "Have you lost your mind?"</p>
<p>"I'm good with magic," Merlin said simply. "If I were good with a sword, I would protect you with a sword."</p>
<p>"You can't use magic on people without their permission, Merlin!" Arthur cried in exasperation. The conversation was starting to feel surreal. He realized vaguely that last sentence should have just been <em>you can't use magic</em>.</p>
<p>"Do you ask someone's permission before defending them with your sword?" Merlin asked stubbornly, and Arthur looked away for a moment to try to calm his temper.</p>
<p>"That's not the same."</p>
<p>"Yes, it is."</p>
<p>They'd gotten off track. The point was, Merlin had magic. His stupid servant was a <em>sorcerer</em>.</p>
<p>And then Arthur remembered something else.</p>
<p>"You said Anett knows. How?"</p>
<p>A dark look covered Merlin's face. "She sensed it on me, same as she sensed the enchantments on you. That's…" he shifted uncomfortably. "That's what she offered me. A position as a sorcerer at court. After I finished my three years as a traitorous spy."</p>
<p>Arthur took a moment to let that sink in. She'd offered him a position in a kingdom where he'd be free, an opportunity to do what he was good at without fear of punishment, and the reward of respect and recognition.</p>
<p>"Why'd you say no?" he asked.</p>
<p>Because honestly, how on earth could Merlin not want that?</p>
<p>But Merlin looked like he'd asked him why he'd turned down raw fish guts. "Because it would mean betraying you, which you know I would never do. And I have no intention of ever leaving Camelot. It's my home now."</p>
<p>"A home where your existence is a crime," Arthur pointed out.</p>
<p>A sad smile crossed Merlin's face, but all he said in reply was, "Yes, Arthur. A home where my existence is a crime."</p>
<p>Arthur felt a stab of pity at the thought, then a stab of annoyance in response to the pity. He pushed himself back to his feet, pacing in silence as he tried to wrap his brain around all of this. For a couple of minutes, neither of them spoke, but Arthur felt Merlin's eyes following him around the room.</p>
<p>"Are you angry with me?" Merlin finally asked, his voice small.</p>
<p>"Yes, Merlin," he snapped. "I'm angry."</p>
<p>"I didn't have a choice!" Merlin insisted with a note of sullenness.</p>
<p>"Maybe not to have magic, but you had plenty of other choices along the way." Arthur ran a hand over his face. "You never should have come to Camelot."</p>
<p>Merlin flinched, his eyes widening. "You wish we'd never met?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Arthur said flatly. "I'd rather we'd never met than for me to have to kill you. You do realize that's the position you've put me in?"</p>
<p>"You're the king," Merlin answered sharply. "You don't <em>have</em> to do anything."</p>
<p>"You're a <em>sorcerer</em>!" Arthur cried. "You want me to make a special exception for you? I know I've made special exceptions for you for <em>many </em>things over the years, but we're talking about the law! About <em>treason!</em>"</p>
<p>Merlin sighed. "No. I don't want to be a special exception. But I know what I want isn't really possible right now. So I'd settle for you just…pretending you don't know. Pretending I never told you. We can just go back to how things were."</p>
<p>Arthur stared at him, dumbfounded. "You're joking."</p>
<p>Merlin rolled his eyes. "I know things can't <em>actually</em> go back. You'll know now. It won't be a secret anymore, and no one could use it to blackmail me. But you could just…pretend. We'll never speak of it again. I'll just keep saving your life and saying I'm at the tavern."</p>
<p>Arthur stared. "Huh. That…actually makes sense." He saw Merlin's eyes light up and he shook his head, clarifying, "Not your idea. Your idea is absurd. But it makes sense you weren't actually at the tavern all this time. You never seemed the type."</p>
<p>"It could work," Merlin insisted, and Arthur caught the desperation in his voice. "No one would have to know but you."</p>
<p>Arthur suddenly remembered the argument he'd overheard earlier that day.</p>
<p>"Me and Lancelot, you mean?"</p>
<p>"Well, yes," Merlin confirmed awkwardly. "He's known for a while, but not because I told him. He saw me do magic when fighting the griffin. He was charging, after you were already unconscious—"</p>
<p>"It doesn't matter how he knows," Arthur interrupted, but Merlin scowled.</p>
<p>"Yes, it does. I didn't choose to tell him and hide it from you. I didn't trust him more than I trust you. He just…found out."</p>
<p>And Merlin was right – it did matter. Arthur felt something tight in his chest loosen just slightly, and he nodded his understanding, then rubbed his temple and wished there was some chance he was still asleep.</p>
<p>"You're the first person I've ever told, actually. Except…" Merlin trailed off for a moment, then his voice turned soft. "Except a girl I loved, years ago. I told her."</p>
<p>This revelation was almost as unexpected, although significantly less shocking, as Merlin's magic.</p>
<p>"You had a girl?"</p>
<p>A small smile played across his lips. "I did. She had magic too. She died."</p>
<p>Arthur wanted to ask how, to know what else had happened in that three-sentence story. But he knew he was just searching for a distraction from the unsolvable problem Merlin had dumped into the middle of his night.</p>
<p>"Is there anything else you need to tell me?" he asked.</p>
<p>Merlin shook his head. "Not tonight. There's still a lot to tell you. The details. Things that have happened. But later. Not tonight."</p>
<p><em>Later</em>. Arthur almost laughed at the word. It was just like his ridiculously optimistic servant to assume there would be a <em>later</em>.</p>
<p>"Then go," he said, and Merlin's eyes widened.</p>
<p>"Go where?"</p>
<p>"To bed, you idiot. I have to decide what to do, and I'm not going to figure it out with you standing there staring at me like an abandoned puppy. So get out."</p>
<p>"Oh." Merlin paused, seeming unsure whether to say anything else, then turned to the door. Before he opened it, he looked back at Arthur. "I am loyal to you, Arthur. I always have been."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Arthur sighed. "I got that. Now go."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur would think this through. And by the time morning arrived, he would have a plan.</p>
<p>That's what he decided when Merlin walked out of the room.</p>
<p>He had to give himself a deadline, he realized, because nothing else would snap him out of his stunned stupor. He would just sit there, wondering in shock, until he died of old age. Or at least until breakfast. And somehow he knew, if he didn't decide before morning – if he let Merlin show up and they went about the day as normal, pretending – it would be all too easy to do exactly what Merlin had so ludicrously proposed. Just pretend forever.</p>
<p>He had to decide.</p>
<p>There were really only two possibilities. He knew that. Execution or banishment.</p>
<p>The law demanded execution. There were no provisions or exceptions, no shades of gray. Sorcerers were to be executed. Really, Arthur's only decision should be choosing the means by which Merlin would die.</p>
<p>But as Merlin said, Arthur was king. He couldn't disregard the laws, but he wasn't a slave to them, either. He could adjust as necessary. He could choose to change the punishment. Besides, they weren't even <em>in</em> Camelot right now. Surely he could justify banishment.</p>
<p>But was that the <em>right</em> thing to do? There was a reason sorcery was punishable by death. And Merlin had been a sorcerer in Camelot for a long time. He could have done a great deal of harm in that time.</p>
<p>And yet…he was Merlin.</p>
<p>Arthur didn't feel bad about banging on Merlin's door in the middle of the night. After all, his servant had done the same thing to him only a couple of hours before.</p>
<p>The door opened a moment later, pulled back cautiously as Merlin peered into the hallway. When his eyes landed on Arthur, the king saw a combination of hope and relief in them. He almost felt guilty for letting Merlin down by not arriving with good news.</p>
<p>Stepping into the room, he began without preamble. "Have you ever used your magic to harm myself or Camelot?"</p>
<p>"No," Merlin answered immediately. "Never."</p>
<p>"Have you ever used your magic to kill anyone?"</p>
<p>A slight hesitation this time, then he replied in a softer voice. "I have."</p>
<p>Arthur felt a chill go through his blood. "What?"</p>
<p>"I've used magic to kill," Merlin said bluntly. "Just as I've used a sword to kill. Arthur…" he sounded almost apologetic. "You've <em>seen</em> me kill people."</p>
<p>Arthur sat down on the small bed, the only piece of furniture in the servant's quarters, and rested his face in his hands, covering his eyes.</p>
<p>Merlin was right. He had seen him kill. The first time he'd seen it – or at least, the first time he'd seen and noticed – had been when they'd arrived in Ealdor all those years ago. They'd shown up right in the middle of an attack from Kanen, so they'd jumped straight into the fight. Arthur had turned around at one point to see Merlin swing his sword straight into a man's gut. He remembered the strange mix of emotions he'd felt at the sight. There'd been a stab of something like heartbreak at the sight of the gentle man taking another's life. Some people were born to be killers, and Merlin wasn't one of them. But he had also felt a kind of pride and reluctant respect, because he'd seen men train for years to become knights and still falter on their first battlefield. Merlin hadn't even paused to stare at the body.</p>
<p>Arthur thought maybe it would hit him later. He'd expected Merlin would fall apart that night, and when he didn't, he thought maybe when they returned to Camelot. Eventually he'd assumed that Merlin had had his moment – that awful moment they all experienced when they realized they had blood on their hands – and Arthur simply hadn't seen it.</p>
<p>Now he wondered.</p>
<p>"When was the first time you killed?" he asked quietly.</p>
<p>Merlin gave him a sad smile. "The night of the feast, the first time I saved your life. I used my magic to make that chandelier fall on the sorceress. It…it all happened so fast. And I didn't know how else to break the enchantment." Arthur heard sorrow, but not remorse, in Merlin's voice.</p>
<p>"The people I've seen you kill…they were bandits and mercenaries and the like."</p>
<p>Merlin nodded. "I've killed bandits and mercenaries with magic, too. And sometimes not killed them, but…uh, made them easy to kill, I guess. Like making them drop their sword while they were fighting one of you."</p>
<p>Arthur stowed that bit of information to think more on later. Already, memories of dropped swords and fallen tree branches were niggling at the back of his mind.</p>
<p>"Anyone else?"</p>
<p>"Apart from bandits and mercenaries?" Merlin clarified, and Arthur nodded. "Other sorcerers, sometimes, like Nimueh. And others who wanted to harm Camelot." He hesitated for a moment, his eyes fixed on Arthur's face. "Like Agravaine."</p>
<p>Arthur sucked in a breath. He'd always assumed Morgana had killed Agravaine after he failed her. "You killed my uncle?"</p>
<p>"In the caves outside Ealdor," Merlin confirmed. "I…I killed a lot of people that day. I, um…" his eyes darted nervously. "Before we went into the tunnels, I summoned a dragon. And he killed a lot of people. And those that made it into the tunnels, like Agravaine, I killed myself. Using magic."</p>
<p>"A dragon," Arthur repeated faintly.</p>
<p>For a brief moment, he felt horrified. He remembered the dragon's attack on Camelot all too clearly, and it was easy to take those images and move them a few miles north to Ealdor. People screaming, burned bodies scattered across the ground.</p>
<p>But the horror was short lived, because he also remembered that day in Ealdor. The light of the torches surrounding the small village, the flight to the caves. Knowing the woman he still loved and his closest friend were going to die because of his failings as king. Knowing two of his subjects were going to die, not because they were criminals (although they were), but because they'd been tricked into helping him.</p>
<p>They all should have died that day. And it would have been Arthur's fault.</p>
<p>But Merlin had saved them. Arthur had already known that. And he had never bothered to ask how. Had never wanted to look too closely. Maybe because part of him had always known he wouldn't like what he found.</p>
<p>Arthur had his answers. They weren't what he wanted or what he'd expected; he'd thought maybe Merlin had kept his magic to himself, had contented himself with some protection charms on the king and the knights. He'd hoped, believed even, that Merlin's magic had never hurt anyone.</p>
<p>Bet Merlin had killed people. To protect Arthur. To protect Camelot. And that was far more complicated to process.</p>
<p>"All right," Arthur said, taking a deep breath and nodding. Then he let himself out without looking back and returned to his rooms to try to figure out what to do.</p>
<p>Execution or banishment.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Merlin should have stayed up all night. Sleep should have evaded him, knowing on the other side of the wall his friend was deciding his fate.</p>
<p>But after Arthur left, exhaustion overwhelmed him. For years, he'd lied and kept secrets and protected Arthur and his friends and his kingdom. And then he'd confessed his crimes and he'd answered Arthur's questions, and now…now he was <em>tired</em>.</p>
<p>So to his own astonishment, he'd fallen onto the bed and passed out, thankfully giving himself up to a dreamless sleep.</p>
<p>He regretted it the next morning. That might have been his last night on earth, or at least his last night as a free man before his execution. He should have at least sat up and watched the sun rise one more time. And even if he didn't die, it might have been the last night he could call himself Arthur's friend. In a few minutes, he'd go to attend to his king, and who knew what he'd find waiting for him?</p>
<p>He was unsurprised to see Arthur awake when he entered, and the dark bags under his eyes made Merlin feel guilty about the couple of hours of sleep he'd managed. He glanced up when Merlin entered, but immediately looked away again.</p>
<p>Merlin turned himself over to habit, selecting clothes for the day as the room sat in stifling silence.</p>
<p>"There's a garrison on the border of Camelot and Mercia," Arthur said finally. He stared out the window, hands clasped behind his back. "About a half-day's journey out of the way on the trip home. I'm sending Lancelot to check on them, since we're so close. He'll ride out this morning. You'll accompany him, and we'll meet the both of you back at Camelot."</p>
<p>Arthur took a deep breath and turned to face him, although he didn't meet Merlin's eyes.</p>
<p>"However, if you never return to Camelot, I won't search for you."</p>
<p>It took Merlin longer than it should have to understand what Arthur was saying, especially since he'd known this was a possibility.</p>
<p>"You're sending me away?" he whispered.</p>
<p>"There are plenty of places you can go," Arthur continued, his voice practical and devoid of emotion. "Magic is free in Essetir and in Nemeth. You could go home, if you wanted. Be closer to your mother. You can…I don't know. Marry a pretty girl. Settle down."</p>
<p>"Somewhere with mountains and a lake and a couple of cows."</p>
<p>Merlin hadn't meant to say it aloud, but the words came out, sarcastic and longing. Arthur quirked a surprised smile in response.</p>
<p>"If that's what you want."</p>
<p>Merlin shook his head – that wasn't what he'd meant at all. "No, Arthur. That ship has sailed for me."</p>
<p>"You could go to Nemeth, then. Mithian would probably offer you a place at the castle there. You wouldn't be serving the king, but the work would be familiar enough."</p>
<p>Merlin felt a flare of annoyance. Was he being deliberately obtuse? "<em>No.</em> Camelot is my home, and it is my responsibility to help and protect you."</p>
<p>"Not anymore, it's not." He didn't say the words harshly, as Merlin might have expected; instead, it sounded almost like an apology.</p>
<p>And it sounded so very final.</p>
<p>And maybe in Arthur's eyes, it was final. It was over. But Merlin wasn't finished. They hadn't done all they were meant to do. There was still no Albion, no return of magic, and king or not, Arthur was not sending him away from his destiny.</p>
<p>And damn the prophecies, Arthur was not sending him away from the only place he'd ever felt like he'd belonged.</p>
<p>"Yes, it is," he insisted stubbornly. "You don't get to decide where my home is, Arthur. And you don't get to decide whether or not I choose to help you."</p>
<p>Arthur finally met Merlin's eyes, his own expression perplexed. "This isn't a suggestion, Merlin. I'm ordering you to leave."</p>
<p>"I hear that, and I'm saying no."</p>
<p>He shook his head, lifting a hand to cover his eyes. "Please."</p>
<p>Merlin's next protest died on his lips.</p>
<p>"I don't want to kill you. Please, don't force my hand. Go. Have a happy life. Know that, despite all this, I truly wish the best for you. But please…<em>go</em>." He dropped his hand and glanced briefly at Merlin before looking away again. "I do have one…" he paused, a tic in his jaw giving away the emotions absent from his face. "...one <em>final</em> request. Don't stay in Gedan. I know magic is free here and it might be a good place for you, but Anett has already tried to use you against me. I would consider it a favor if you chose somewhere else."</p>
<p>Merlin stood in silence. He could easily fight an order from Arthur, but this defeated plea…it triggered his protective instincts, except the thing Arthur needed protecting from was Merlin.</p>
<p>"I'll ready myself for the day," Arthur said quietly. "Find Lancelot and go. You can keep the horse when you part ways."</p>
<p>This was it then. This was how eight years ended.</p>
<p>Merlin started to turn – just barely, turning his body without even lifting his feet – and found that was as far as he could go.</p>
<p>Maybe he was being selfish. Maybe if he were a better friend, a better subject, a better servant, he would leave. Spare Arthur from having to face whatever would come next if he stayed.</p>
<p>But selfish or not, he couldn't do it. Go to Nemeth? Work in another castle, washing someone else's clothes and polishing someone else's armor, and never joking with his friends or using magic to thwart attacks on the king? Never eating Gaius's awful cooking or teasing Gwen?</p>
<p><em>No</em>.</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>He saw a flicker of anger overtake the defeat in Arthur's eyes.</p>
<p>Good. He'd take angry Arthur over defeated Arthur any day.</p>
<p>"Damn it, Merlin! You don't have a choice! You can go and be free, or you can stay and be executed!"</p>
<p>"That sounds like a choice to me," Merlin pointed out. "And I choose Camelot. I said I was happy to be your servant until the day I died, Arthur, and I meant it. I'm not leaving."</p>
<p>The king swore under his breath, staring at Merlin in disbelief, then turned away briefly and ran a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>"What's wrong with you?" he asked, facing him again. "I'm serious. Either leave or get on your knees!"</p>
<p>Merlin felt only a brief moment of surprise. He'd expected an arrest. But even as the thought occurred to him, he realized Arthur would never do that. Drag him back to Camelot, hands bound, and then make a public spectacle of his death? No, Arthur would grant him at least that much mercy - a quiet death. And honor would compel Arthur to do it himself, not hide behind his authority by ordering someone else to deal the fatal blow.</p>
<p>Merlin held Arthur's gaze for a long moment, then hit his knees, watching the king's eyes widen.</p>
<p>"Don't do this to me, Merlin." He shook his head, his eyes begging. "Don't do this to <em>you</em>."</p>
<p>"I know you're angry," Merlin acknowledged quietly. "And I know you think there's no place for me in Camelot. But if there's no place for me there, then there's no place for me anywhere. My life – my purpose, my friends – it's all there, Arthur. And I think it's a life worth dying for. I don't want you to kill me, but I'm not going to walk away from it, or from you, willingly."</p>
<p>Arthur turned away again, his back to Merlin for several long seconds. Merlin heard something that sounded suspiciously like a sniffle, and then Arthur reached across his body and pulled his sword from the sheath.</p>
<p>That beautiful sword Merlin had given him.</p>
<p>His stomach sank as he watched the early morning light reflect off the blade. He'd strapped that sword to Arthur's side hundreds of times, and he'd wondered more than once if it would be the weapon to end his life. It had been a morbid pondering in his darker moments, but not something he'd ever thought would truly happen.</p>
<p>He didn't want to die by Arthur's hand. He didn't want to know his life was ending because his friend chose to end it.</p>
<p>And he didn't want Arthur to spend the rest of his life carrying that guilt. Gods, this would change him. Would he ever heal? Ever forgive himself?</p>
<p>But it didn't matter, because Merlin just…couldn't leave. He <em>couldn't</em>.</p>
<p>Arthur still faced the window when his voice cut the silence, breaking slightly as the words tumbled out of his mouth.</p>
<p>"Do you, Merlin, son of Hunith, pledge loyalty to Camelot and to its king all the days of your life?"</p>
<p>It took Merlin a moment to process the words, and when he did, goosebumps broke out across his entire body.</p>
<p>"I do." His response came automatically, his tongue taking over before his brain had caught up.</p>
<p>Arthur turned back to face him again, his voice trembling now. "Do you solemnly swear to use your skills and abilities faithfully in Camelot's service and for her good, and never for her harm?"</p>
<p>"I do so solemnly swear." Merlin had heard these words spoken over and over again in knighting ceremonies over the years. They rolled off his tongue naturally, familiar and true.</p>
<p>"And do you swear fealty to your king in all things?"</p>
<p>He couldn't fight the smile that crossed his face. "I swear it on my life. I have always been, and will forever be, loyal to you." That second sentence wasn't part of the ceremony, but he couldn't resist adding it, because this wasn't <em>just </em>a ceremony. These weren't just words. It was an oath. One he'd taken in his heart long ago, but never spoken aloud to his king.</p>
<p>A moment passed in silence, then Arthur choked out, "I accept your oath. Arise."</p>
<p>But Merlin didn't arise. Instead, he flopped onto his back, an incredulous laugh escaping him.</p>
<p>"Oh my god," he whispered to the ceiling. He wasn't dead. Or banished. Arthur knew about his magic and he wasn't dead or banished. The euphoria and relief of the moment overwhelmed him, and he realized he was crying even while his chest still shook with laughter.</p>
<p>He turned his head to grin at Arthur, but when he caught sight of the king, his laughter faded. Arthur was sitting in a chair, elbows on his knees, face buried in his hands.</p>
<p>"Arthur?"</p>
<p>The king spoke in a voice full of horror. "What have I done?"</p>
<p>Merlin scrambled upright and hurried over to him, kneeling in front of him.</p>
<p>"You spared the life of a friend who is loyal to you," he said softly. He reached a hand out to touch him reassuringly, but wasn't sure where to rest it. After an awkward moment, he settled for putting it on his forearm, only to have Arthur immediately shake it off and sit back, his arms dropping.</p>
<p>"I accepted an oath of fealty from a sorcerer. I must have gone mad," he whispered. His eyes fell on Merlin. "Can you stop?"</p>
<p>Merlin blinked in response. "Stop what?"</p>
<p>"Doing magic."</p>
<p>He tried to contain his laughter, because Arthur did not really seem to be in a laughing mood. "Don't you think I would have done that a long time ago if I could?"</p>
<p>"Can't you try again?" Arthur was nearly begging, and once again Merlin's mirth vanished. He hadn't seen his friend look this lost since he'd banished Gwen.</p>
<p>"Arthur, magic is part of who I am. If I don't use the magic on purpose, it will come out by accident. It's like…like trying not to pee when you have a really full bladder. You might be able to hold it back for a bit, but sooner or later…" he trailed off, and Arthur shook his head.</p>
<p>"Sometimes I truly do worry about your bladder," he muttered under his breath. "Gods, Merlin. What have I done? What am I <em>going</em> to do?"</p>
<p>Merlin stood. "Well, for now, you're going to go have breakfast with Queen Anett. We're going to get through one more day in this wretched place, and then we're going to go home."</p>
<p>And oh, how his soul soared when he said the word <em>home.</em></p>
<p>Arthur nodded and, after a moment, stood and took the shirt Merlin handed to him.</p>
<p>"By the way," Merlin said thoughtfully, "if you still want me to do the spying thing for Anett, I will."</p>
<p>Arthur popped his head through the shirt and looked at him in surprise. "What?"</p>
<p>"The only reason I didn't want to do it was because she knew about my magic and you didn't," Merlin explained with a shrug. "I didn't want to give her opportunities to use that against me. But now that you know…"</p>
<p>Arthur considered for a moment, his mouth tightening into a thin line. "I don't think so."</p>
<p>It only took Merlin a heartbeat to understand.</p>
<p>"You don't trust me," he realized with a sad smile.</p>
<p>"I just found out you've been lying to me the entire time we've known each other," Arthur pointed out irritably. "You're hardly in a place to judge me for having doubts."</p>
<p><em>But not too many doubts, because you asked me for an oath of fealty instead of executing me</em>. Merlin fought back a pleased smile at the thought. True though it might be, he didn't think Arthur would appreciate him pointing it out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So on rereading this chapter, I feel like I might have read a similar scene in another fic once, where Arthur ordered Merlin to his knees but then asked for an oath of fealty instead of executing him. But I have NO IDEA what story that might have been, or even if there actually was a story. It's possible I'm thinking of the knighting scene in the first Lancelot episode. But if you know of a story with this, please let me know. I'd like to take a look and see if it's something I've read before, and if it is, I'd like to give it credit for being a subconscious inspiration. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>What have I done?</em>
</p>
<p>The question was caught in Arthur's brain, the way a song would be, but with no catchy rhythm. Just the torturous thought, over and over again.</p>
<p>He had accepted an oath of fealty from a sorcerer. Implicitly <em>pardoned</em> him, because he couldn't very well turn around and punish him for crimes he'd known about when he'd accepted the oath.</p>
<p>And now he had a sorcerer trailing him to breakfast, like it was a normal thing. Because that absolutely absurd idea Merlin had suggested the night before, that they simply <em>pretend it hadn't happened</em>, had somehow turned into reality.</p>
<p>Of course, he'd apparently had a sorcerer tailing him to breakfast for the past eight years. He just hadn't known it. Because Merlin was a sorcerer.</p>
<p>Arthur tried to shake these thoughts from his head, even as <em>What have I done? </em>continued to echo in the back of his mind. He needed to appear calm and normal with Anett. He had a feeling that woman could smell weakness.</p>
<p>The breakfast started out well enough. It was just the two of them, a more casual affair than the dinners where the knights joined them. She asked how he'd slept, and he blatantly lied. Then, since they'd covered the small talk regarding the previous day's activities at dinner the night before, they moved on to discussing their kingdoms. The conversation was a cautious dance, in which Arthur was careful to share only information already well-known to the public while she did the same. They both asked seemingly-innocent questions hoping to glean something more meaningful, and they each sidestepped those inquiries with ease.</p>
<p>It was a pointless waste of time, apart from creating the impression of friendship and preventing silence while they ate. But it also didn't differ terribly from most meals Arthur had shared with other royals.</p>
<p>And then Anett asked, with innocent concern, "Have you given any more thought to what I said when you arrived, your majesty? I know we don't yet know each other well, so you may doubt my word, but I'm certain you and your men have enchantments on you. I can sense the magic."</p>
<p>Arthur barely managed to keep his eyes from flitting in Merlin's direction.</p>
<p>"Can you?" he ground out.</p>
<p>"I can," she confirmed apologetically. "Although I'm afraid I can't pinpoint exactly what the magic is doing. But the offer still stands, if you would like to use our special bath to remove it before you and your men leave tomorrow."</p>
<p>This woman knew the source of the enchantments. She knew they came from Merlin, and she knew they weren't harmful. And she had made a move <em>their first night there</em> to try to lure Arthur's servant into betraying him.</p>
<p>She had been playing a game from the beginning, and Arthur still didn't know what that game was. But he had been cautious and thoughtful and patient, letting her make her moves without making a move of his own in return. And now, all of sudden, he found himself angry. Angry at her arrogance, at her treachery as she pretended to want an alliance, at the sorcery that made Arthur fear her.</p>
<p>And if he was angry at Merlin for being a sorcerer and a liar, and angry at himself for being lost and being a coward, well…surely that anger was unrelated.</p>
<p>He didn't want to just sit passively anymore. She'd made her moves. Maybe it was time for him to make one of his own.</p>
<p>"As it happens," he said pleasantly, "that mystery has been solved."</p>
<p>He was gratified to see Anett's placid demeanor falter. She froze, her eyes widening slightly. It lasted less than the space of a heartbeat, but it was enough to confirm Arthur had surprised her.</p>
<p>Arthur continued, "It turns out my servant had placed enchantments on us to assist with health while we were traveling." He saw Merlin tense out of the corner of his eye, but he kept his gaze on Anett. "After you mentioned sensing the magic, he came to me and told me everything."</p>
<p>He put the slightest emphasis on "<em>everything</em>."</p>
<p>Arthur held her gaze, allowing just a trace of a hard smile to cross his lips instead of permitting himself the snarl he wanted to wear.</p>
<p>
  <em>That's right, you conniving witch. You tried to steal his allegiance, and instead of betraying me, he brought your words straight back to me.</em>
</p>
<p>It was a dangerous play. Arthur was far from confident he'd come out the victor in an open confrontation with the woman. She had magic, after all, and he and his knights were vastly outnumbered in this place.</p>
<p>Which, of course, is why Arthur didn't call her out explicitly. He just had to hope this move asserted his strength without pushing her into a more aggressive reaction. But at least now she knew he was not as ignorant of her actions as she'd assumed, and the fealty of at least one of his men couldn't be bought.</p>
<p>"I see," Anett said finally, her courteous smile reappearing, and only looking slightly forced. "It would take a great deal of bravery for a sorcerer in Camelot to confess his crimes. You must inspire a great deal of loyalty in your men."</p>
<p>"I am fortunate to have men of integrity," Arthur responded honestly, hiding his relief that she didn't explicitly acknowledge the rest of Merlin's confession.</p>
<p>They had nearly finished their meal when a plate of fruit appeared at each of their elbows. Anett had told him their first morning there that it was custom for Gedan breakfasts to end with a small dish of fruit. And since Gedan had delicious fruits that weren't available in Camelot, it was a custom he rather enjoyed.</p>
<p>He had just picked up the first berry when he felt Merlin nudge his shoulder. He glanced up in confusion. His servant looked at the fruit, then looked at Arthur and shook his head. Arthur gave him a questioning look, but Merlin just shook his head again.</p>
<p>If this was about adding another hole to his belt, Arthur was going to smack him.</p>
<p>"Is everything all right?" Anett asked, watching him with concern, and he forced a smile.</p>
<p>"Of course." He lifted the piece of fruit to his mouth, pausing as he noticed that Merlin was refilling his water cup, even though Arthur hadn't requested it.</p>
<p>And then, just like the first night, the idiot's hand slipped. Water poured from the pitcher – more water than should have even been <em>in</em> the pitcher at this point in the meal - soaking the plate of fruit. As Merlin scrambled to grab the pitcher, he managed to knock the berry from Arthur's hand as well.</p>
<p>Arthur didn't yell like he had at the feast. Too much had happened in the past several hours for him to waste energy throwing a fit about spilled water. He just stared at the puddle in front of him, then stared at Merlin's red face as the man hastened to clean up the mess, refusing to meet Arthur's eyes.</p>
<p>"Well," Arthur said with a rueful smile, "I suppose I'd best go change trousers. I will see you this evening, your majesty?"</p>
<p>"Of course," she agreed, standing. "I look forward to continuing our conversation."</p>
<p>Arthur noted with satisfaction that her eyes no longer darted to Merlin as they spoke.</p>
<p>He finally had her attention.</p>
<p>Once they were in the corridor, he turned to glower at Merlin.</p>
<p>"Is there something actually wrong with you that prevents you from holding things without dropping them?"</p>
<p>Merlin glanced around nervously before answering. "It was enchanted," he muttered under his breath.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"The fruit, Arthur. It was enchanted. Just like the wine at the feast."</p>
<p>They walked in silence for a minute while Arthur tried to process that. First, that Anett had tried to enchant him – twice, apparently – and second, that Merlin had protected him both times.</p>
<p>"So you're not actually a clumsy idiot?" he asked numbly.</p>
<p>Merlin scowled. "I have moments of clumsiness, but this morning wasn't one of them."</p>
<p>Arthur felt oddly reassured, although somehow he thought he'd feel even better once he saw Merlin do something genuinely clumsy again.</p>
<p>"Do you know what kind of enchantment it is?"</p>
<p>Merlin shook his head. "No, but I grabbed a couple of the berries so I can take a closer look. I doubt I'll be able to figure out much, but I can try."</p>
<p>"All right." Arthur thought for a moment. "Summon the knights. I want to talk to everyone. If Anett tried to enchant me, we all need to be on our guard."</p>
<hr/>
<p>It was a straight divide down the middle. Leon and Elyan felt they should make their excuses and leave early, putting as much distance between Arthur and Anett as they could as quickly as they could. Gwaine and Percival pointed out they wouldn't be able to make it past the border of Gedan into Mercia before nightfall. Remaining in the castle would allow them locked doors, in addition to forcing everyone to keep up the pretense of civility. Sleeping unprotected in the Gedan forest with that pretense shaken may be more dangerous than keeping their guard up and staying close to the sorceress queen for one more day. Lancelot didn't offer an opinion, sitting and listening quietly, his face unreadable as the others debated the options.</p>
<p>"I will not flee," Arthur declared finally, unable to keep his irritation out of his voice. Not irritation with his knights, but irritation with everything. All he wanted was to go home and let life return to normal, but that normal didn't even exist anymore. "I cannot risk Anett believing I am frightened or weak. It's one more day. We're meant to train with her knights again this afternoon, we dine with her tonight, and tomorrow morning we're gone."</p>
<p>"You shouldn't train," Merlin spoke up from where he sat at the table. Oddly enough, he'd taken a seat with his back to the rest of the room, and now he sat with his arms crossed on the table, his chin resting on them as he stared at the enchanted fruit sitting in front of him.</p>
<p>"I have to train," Arthur argued. "Otherwise I appear to be a coward."</p>
<p>"It's nothing short of stupid to let her men attack you, Arthur."</p>
<p>"Feign an injury at the start," Leon suggested. "Pretend to hurt your shoulder. We can claim it's an old injury that acts up occasionally, and you need to rest it."</p>
<p>"That still makes me look weak," Arthur grumbled, but he had to admit it wasn't a bad idea. He glanced at Merlin, but his servant didn't offer approval or argument to the idea. He seemed entirely focused on the fruit.</p>
<p>"Do you think if you stare at it long enough, it will start talking to you?" Gwaine mused to Merlin, as though he'd read Arthur's mind. It took Merlin a moment to realize the knight was speaking to him.</p>
<p>"Well, it <em>is</em> possibly enchanted," he joked, glancing briefly over his shoulder.</p>
<p>"How did you know?" Leon asked suddenly. "Arthur said you warned him, but how could you tell the fruit was enchanted?"</p>
<p>"I saw her eyes change," Merlin lied innocently. "And she was staring at the fruit. I could be wrong, but I don't <em>think</em> I am."</p>
<p>The knights nodded, accepting the story easily, but Arthur's stare lingered. Merlin looked away quickly, avoiding eye contact.</p>
<p>How many times had Arthur bought a similar lie?</p>
<p>"Maybe she's getting desperate," Elyan suggested after a moment. "She made her move with Merlin early and it didn't work, and now she's running out of time to get whatever it is she wants."</p>
<p>"Maybe," Arthur admitted, still distracted by Merlin. What was he <em>doing</em>?</p>
<p>And then it clicked.</p>
<p>The idiot was doing magic. That's why he had his back to them. He was using his magic to try to figure out the enchantment on the fruit.</p>
<p>He was using his magic <em>in a room full of knights of Camelot.</em></p>
<p>Gods. How had he not gotten himself executed his first week working for Arthur?</p>
<p>"Merlin," he said sharply, "I know the fruit is fascinating, but perhaps you could join us, seeing as how you're the only one Anett has shown her true colors to so far."</p>
<p>When Merlin turned around and met his eye, Arthur did everything he could to silently communicate that he <em>knew</em> what he was doing and he was <em>not</em> happy about it. To his gratification, Merlin's eyes widened slightly before he meekly turned his chair around to face the group.</p>
<p>In the end, they chose to stay. No one was happy with the decision, but no one saw a wise way around it either.</p>
<p>As the knights filed out of the room, Arthur called out to Lancelot.</p>
<p>"Can you stay for a moment? I need to speak with you."</p>
<p>Merlin lingered, but one dark look from Arthur sent him hurrying out the door after the knights, casting a nervous look back over his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Be nice," he mouthed to Arthur, which the king thought was a bold move. Only Merlin would try to give him orders hours after escaping punishment for a capital crime.</p>
<p>Lancelot stayed, but he hovered near the door. And even though he stood patiently, his hands clasped behind his back, Arthur couldn't help but sense the man was eager to leave the room. Although that could just be the memory of his sharp words yesterday combined with the emotions of the day skewing his perception.</p>
<p>"I wanted to let you know, if Merlin hasn't already, that he revealed the truth of his magic last night. I know you encouraged him to do so, and I'd like to thank you for that."</p>
<p>Lancelot nodded stiffly, but otherwise didn't answer.</p>
<p>Even though the knight was clearly uncomfortable, Arthur found the words spilling out of him, unable to hold them back. There was no one else for him to speak with about this madness, and he desperately needed to tell someone.</p>
<p>"I tried to banish him, but he refused to leave. He said he'd rather die. So I told him to get on his knees, but honestly, Lancelot, I was just trying to scare him. Just trying to get him to understand that he <em>had</em> to leave, that nothing waited for him back in Camelot but death. But the idiot, he did it! He got on his knees!"</p>
<p>He waited desperately for Lancelot to join in his incredulity, but the man's face was still unreadable.</p>
<p>"I'm not going to kill him," Arthur added reassuringly. "Obviously. Since he's not dead or arrested. You know what I did?" He let out a weary laugh.</p>
<p>"What did you do, sire?"</p>
<p>Well, at least he had spoken. That was something.</p>
<p>"I asked him for an oath of fealty. Like he was a knight or a lord or something. I didn't know what else to do."</p>
<p>He looked helplessly at Lancelot, who just frowned in response. "I see."</p>
<p>"That's it?" Arthur stared at him in disbelief. "You see?" He knew Lancelot would be on Merlin's side, but Arthur wasn't <em>not</em> on Merlin's side at the moment. He'd thought Lancelot would have more to say than this.</p>
<p>"Do you want a pat on the back for not killing an innocent man, sire?"</p>
<p>Arthur pulled back, stunned. He wasn't sure what he'd expected – shock, maybe? Cautiousness? Perhaps even amusement at Arthur's expense? But not open hostility.</p>
<p>"Lancelot, have I somehow offended you?" he asked bluntly. "The way you spoke to me yesterday, and now today – have I done something?"</p>
<p>"Can you blame me for being concerned about Merlin?" Lancelot answered warily. "You have not shown yourself to be openminded to magic in the past."</p>
<p>Arthur sighed, trying not to feel bitter. He felt terribly alone at the moment, and he'd thought Lancelot might help ease that. Instead, Lancelot seemed more distrustful of him than Merlin did.</p>
<p>"Of course I don't blame you," Arthur said. "But truly, I do not intend to harm him."</p>
<p>Lancelot nodded his acknowledgment, but Arthur still wasn't sure the man believed him.</p>
<p>"Will there be anything else, sire?"</p>
<p>"No. Just send Merlin back in if you see him loitering out there."</p>
<p>Merlin, who'd always been able to make him feel less lonely in the past. But Arthur couldn't very well confide in Merlin about his problems with Merlin.</p>
<p>He could, however, yell at Merlin for being an idiot.</p>
<p>"Do you truly not have a single brain cell in that ridiculous head of yours?" he demanded the moment his servant was back in the room with the door closed.</p>
<p>Merlin eyed him warily. "What did I do now?"</p>
<p>"You were doing magic! While everyone was sitting here, mere feet away from you!"</p>
<p>"I was careful," Merlin pointed out, looking more curious than guilty. "I didn't use incantations or anything. I was just...feeling it out with my magic. And I had my back to everyone, so no one noticed."</p>
<p>"<em>I </em>noticed."</p>
<p>"Yes, well, you already know, don't you? But I don't think it would occur to the others to suspect I was doing magic just because I had my back to them."</p>
<p>Arthur's eyes narrowed. "Have you ever done magic in front of me before, just assuming I wouldn't notice?"</p>
<p>Merlin squirmed. "Well…you <em>didn't</em> notice," he mumbled with a sheepish shrug.</p>
<p>"How are you not dead?" Arthur muttered to himself again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur was an idiot.</p>
<p>He had <em>agreed</em> to feign an injury at the start of the training session so he wouldn't be an easy target. But then one of the Gedan knights had taunted him before they started, some snide comment about kings who played at being knights. And now here they were, thirty minutes into the training session, and Arthur was thinking with his pride and sparring with one of Anett's knights instead of thinking as a king and removing himself from danger.</p>
<p>And all Merlin could do was sit on the sidelines and watch. And think frustrated insults in the general direction of his king.</p>
<p>On the good news front, Arthur was sparring with the knight who'd insulted him, and he was destroying the man. Hopefully once he won, he'd feel he'd made his point and would <em>feign an injury</em> like he was supposed to.</p>
<p>The Gedan knight was clearly tired; Arthur had attacked aggressively and mercilessly, keeping the man on the defensive for the entire fight. And then, just when Merlin thought they were finally about done, the Gedan knight did a clever combination of a foot sweep and a hit with his shield that knocked Arthur to his back. The king barely managed to roll away as the knight's sword came down, leaping to his feet and using the knight's momentum against himself as Arthur knocked him to the ground, sword to his chest.</p>
<p>Finally.</p>
<p>Merlin relaxed in relief as Arthur stalked off the field towards him. It wasn't until Arthur was only a few yards away that he noticed the way the king held his arm.</p>
<p>"Are you actually hurt?" Merlin murmured quietly once Arthur reached him. "Or have you finally decided to follow the plan?"</p>
<p>Arthur gave him a dirty look and answered in a low voice, "He caught my arm on that final blow."</p>
<p>A flash of alarm went through Merlin as he realized the injury was real. "How bad is it?" he demanded, and Arthur rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>"It will be fine. You can look at it before dinner."</p>
<p>Merlin scowled. Damn chainmail. Arthur had a tendency to downplay the severity of his injuries, and the chainmail kept Merlin from getting a quick look now so he could have a realistic idea of what they were dealing with.</p>
<p>Looking back at Arthur's face, he realized the king was watching him with a disturbed expression.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>Arthur shook his head. "It's just a little strange." Merlin looked at him quizzically until he continued. "You," he elaborated. "You're just…the same."</p>
<p>"The same as what?"</p>
<p>"The same as you've always been." Arthur said the words reluctantly, and Merlin tried – and failed – to keep himself from smiling.</p>
<p>"Yes, Arthur. I am."</p>
<p>"It's weird," the king muttered.</p>
<p>Merlin just shrugged. "I can't exactly stop being me."</p>
<p>For a minute they stood next to each other in silence, watching the knights spar. Then, after a long enough silence that Merlin had lost the thread of the conversation, Arthur answered, "But it feels like you should."</p>
<p>"Like I should what?" Merlin asked, looking at him in confusion.</p>
<p>"Like you shouldn't be you." Arthur didn't speak the words spitefully. If anything, he looked frustrated, the way Merlin felt when he tried to read one of Gaius's books written in a language he hadn't yet mastered.</p>
<p>"But I am, Arthur," he answered gently, studying his face. He wished the king would look at him. "Always have been. Always will be."</p>
<p>Arthur still didn't meet his eyes, but after a moment, he gave a curt nod, and Merlin relaxed some. They would get there. Eventually Arthur would understand that he was still the same friend he had known.</p>
<p>The end of the training session felt like a much larger victory than it should. As Merlin watched the knights leave the field, he saw his own relief and excitement reflected in their eyes. There was just dinner left, a night of sleep, and then they could finally <em>go home</em>.</p>
<p>Merlin could tell Arthur felt it too. As he helped him strip off the armor back in the room, he noticed some of the tension he'd been carrying in his muscles seemed to have eased.</p>
<p>He also noticed the way Arthur jerked slightly every time Merlin's hands accidentally brushed him as he removed the armor. The reaction stung, but Merlin tried to push it to the back of his mind.</p>
<p>"All right," he said, his hand going to Arthur's arm. "Let me see."</p>
<p>Sure enough, Arthur had downplayed the wound. It wasn't terrible, but it was worse than the matching injury on the opposite arm from his previous session with Anett's knights.</p>
<p>"You should have let me look at this right away," Merlin griped as he began cleaning it. "Now it's gotten dirty."</p>
<p>"I couldn't very well leave," Arthur maintained stubbornly. "Not when my knights could have potentially been in danger."</p>
<p>"Your knights can take care of themselves." Merlin rolled his eyes. What did Arthur think he could do that five well-trained knights couldn't?</p>
<p>"I'm their king," Arthur said quietly. "I will not leave them in danger."</p>
<p>Merlin sighed, his exasperation fading. "I know."</p>
<p>It was part of what made Arthur such a good king.</p>
<p>Merlin wrapped the bandage around his arm, then picked up the rag he'd used to clean the wound. He was halfway to the basket next to the wardrobe when he paused. When he'd dressed Arthur's wound two days ago, he'd merely placed the rags in the basket for washing, just as he would at home. But now, looking at the blood-stained rag in his hand, he hesitated, then redirected his steps toward the fireplace. Pausing only for a moment to glance at Arthur, he focused on the rag and murmured, "<em>Forbærnan.</em>"</p>
<p>Perhaps he shouldn't have done it. He had no idea how Arthur would react. But the king had accepted his oath of fealty, and Merlin had told him he couldn't stop doing magic. He didn't want to hide again, to pretend to be someone other than who he was around Arthur. So sooner or later, the king would have to see his magic.</p>
<p>Might as well be sooner.</p>
<p>The rag burst into flames, and he hurriedly tossed it into the fireplace, shaking his hand where the flames had singed it.</p>
<p>"What the hell was that?" a voice cried behind him, and Merlin winced at the shrillness in Arthur's tone.</p>
<p>"What?" he asked, trying to look innocent and casual as he turned around to face the king.</p>
<p>"You just set your hand on fire, you idiot!" Arthur's eyes were wide with alarm.</p>
<p>No, not alarm…panic, really. Terror.</p>
<p>"Not my hand," he explained, keeping his voice gentle and calm. "The rag. It had your blood on it, and blood can be used in magic. It seemed prudent to destroy it rather than leave it behind where Anett or one of her sorcerers could get their hands on it."</p>
<p>Arthur took a shaky breath. "You used magic to set a bloody rag on fire so Anett couldn't use it to harm me," he clarified.</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>Arthur sat down, running a hand over his face. "Merlin, I don't know if I can ever get used to the idea of magic protecting me, even against other magic. And I can say with certainty that I would never get used to seeing it."</p>
<p>"You will," Merlin encouraged him, taking a few steps closer. "Just give it time. You only just found out, and you hardly slept last night, so you're not exactly at your sharpest." That earned him a dirty look, even though Merlin hadn't meant it as an insult. "Eventually it will seem natural to you."</p>
<p>Arthur shook his head. "I'm not ready for…that. Not yet. Don't do it again."</p>
<p>Merlin forced a smile, trying to stamp down the disappointment in his stomach. He hadn't expected Arthur to show enthusiasm for his display of magic, but he'd hoped for wary tolerance.</p>
<p><em>You're pushing him</em>, he scolded himself. <em>Give him time</em>.</p>
<p>"As you wish, sire," he agreed with a slight bow. And although Arthur's mouth tightened, he didn't rebuke him for bowing and using a title as he had a few nights before.</p>
<p><em>Be patient</em>, Merlin ordered, even as the disappointment swelled larger. <em>He hasn't killed you and he's letting you stay. Let that be enough for now.</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>Merlin had to admit, Arthur was a fine actor. Not good enough to fool Merlin, but good enough to fool most people. Certainly good enough to fool Anett. He smiled and laughed at dinner, showing no sign of the nerves Merlin knew he felt. The knights were less skilled at such performances, although their uncharacteristic quietness could perhaps be attributed to fatigue after a busy few days.</p>
<p>Merlin stayed close to Arthur's side. He typically did at meals, but tonight he was more intentional about it. Partly because Arthur had ordered him to; the king was understandably concerned Anett might do something to his food again. But even without those orders, Merlin wouldn't have wandered away tonight. He trusted Anett even less than Arthur did.</p>
<p>He tried to pay attention to the knights as well, though. It was harder from a distance, but when the food was served, he lowered his head and closed his eyes and checked their meals. He couldn't detect any magic in them.</p>
<p>Was it possible Anett had given up? She didn't seem the type to let something go willingly. And yet the night passed uneventfully, until the king and his knights politely excused themselves, claiming they needed to be rested to leave at first light.</p>
<p>But once again, the queen waylaid Merlin on his way to Arthur's chambers, his own meal in one hand and a pitcher of water in the other.</p>
<p><em>No matter what she does, I'm taking the food with me this time</em>. He almost laughed at himself for the fleeting thought.</p>
<p>"Merlin." Although not hostile, her voice carried none of the warmth of their previous conversations.</p>
<p>"Your majesty," Merlin replied, doing his best to bow without spilling the food or water.</p>
<p>"You told your king about our conversations." It wasn't a question, but she raised an eyebrow inquiringly.</p>
<p>"I was honest with you from the start," Merlin said quietly. "My loyalty lies with Arthur. That's never going to change."</p>
<p>"So you've said. What a strange pair you are. What a strange man <em>you</em> are." She studied him for a moment, then her gaze darted abruptly to something behind him.</p>
<p>Merlin looked over his shoulder, realizing a moment too late that he'd fallen for her ruse. By the time he could see behind him, he knew the corridor would be empty. But he was – just barely – quick enough to sense the rush of magic just as it hit him. And in an instant, using only instinct because there was no time for a spell, he threw up a shield, pushing the enchantment away before it could take hold. He turned back to the queen with fury, maintaining the shield.</p>
<p>"That was foolish," he said in a low voice, taking a step toward the queen before he remembered this was the monarch of the kingdom where he stood, not merely another sorcerer. She could have him executed, and there would be little Arthur could do about it.</p>
<p>If Arthur even wanted to. Merlin suspected the king might be conflicted on that point.</p>
<p>Anett must have seen the caution in his eyes tempering the rage, because she gave him a small, patronizing smile. "You're quicker than I expected. More skilled. It really is a shame your talents are so wasted. Magic is meant to be used, not hidden."</p>
<p>"I'm where I'm meant to be," Merlin answered. He tried to keep his tone respectful, but try as he may, he couldn't keep the hardness out of it.</p>
<p>"By your king's side," she said with a mocking smile. "Best get there then. You don't want to keep his majesty waiting."</p>
<p>Merlin maintained his shield until he stood outside Arthur's chambers, only dropping it once he'd opened the door. He knew he'd raised it in time to render Anett's spell powerless, but he could still feel her magic on his skin, a sticky and foul residue he couldn't shake.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur had never been so glad to see the last of a place.</p>
<p>He said his polite goodbyes to Anett, his knights standing respectfully behind him. Merlin stood just beyond them, preparing the horses for the journey but keeping watch over the king out of the corner of his eye. He preferred to keep his distance from Anett, as long as he was close enough to protect Arthur. And Arthur wholeheartedly supported that desire. Not that he thought the woman could successfully win Merlin's loyalties away, but they both had magic. They shared a kinship that Arthur not only lacked, but despised. And try as he may, he still couldn't understand how Merlin wasn't even <em>tempted</em> to accept her offer.</p>
<p>He believed Merlin's loyalty was genuine. He could still hear the young man's voice as he pledged his fealty to Arthur; he suspected he'd be able to replay that moment in his mind with perfect clarity for the rest of his life. The absolute sincerity in Merlin's eyes, and his <em>joy </em>as he uttered the words instead of the stoic respect Arthur was accustomed to from such oaths.</p>
<p>But while he trusted Merlin's loyalty, he couldn't <em>understand</em> it. If what Merlin said was true – if he had been born with magic, if there were others born with magic – then Arthur had committed abominable sins. Unforgiveable sins. Arthur desperately wanted, even <em>needed</em>, Merlin to be wrong.</p>
<p>But being wrong meant Merlin would eventually be corrupted by his magic. May already be corrupted by it, and capable of evils Arthur couldn't even imagine. And that thought was equally unbearable.</p>
<p>
  <em>What have I done?</em>
</p>
<p>Arthur needed answers, and the only person he knew to ask was Gaius. Gaius, who would be entirely and completely biased in Merlin's favor.</p>
<p>Perhaps Geoffrey? He didn't have the same knowledge of magic Gaius had, but he had a lot of general knowledge, and he might know of some books that could be helpful.</p>
<p>Arthur needed to meet with both men as soon as they got back to Camelot, which was just one more reason to be anxious to leave.</p>
<p>And in the meantime, he absolutely could not take his eyes off Merlin. Just in case.</p>
<p>"I thank you for your hospitality, your majesty," he said to Queen Anett. "Our visit has been most educational."</p>
<p>
  <em>I learned you're a lying, manipulative witch, and we should treat Gedan with the utmost caution and distrust.</em>
</p>
<p>"And I thank you for visiting. It has been a pleasure to meet you and to get to know your men."</p>
<p>And Arthur knew her words also carried a double meaning. But as always with the queen, he could not decipher what it was.</p>
<p>Their group set out at a casual pace, relief spreading through Arthur's body once his horse's hooves struck the road leading away from the castle. Soon they'd left the miserable place behind, and by unspoken agreement, they picked up their speed, moving too quickly to really keep up a conversation as they strove to put distance between themselves and Anett. That may have been for the best; Arthur's thoughts were consumed with the events of the past few days, and he doubted his ability to participate in casual small talk at the moment.</p>
<p>He could just imagine it. <em>Looks like rain. The Gedan fruit was great. By the way, Merlin is a sorcerer, and I think Anett is still plotting something.</em></p>
<p>Because the queen <em>had</em> to still be plotting something. Arthur didn't believe for a moment she'd merely waved them goodbye, content to leave her intentions unfulfilled. The woman had a plan.</p>
<p>When they paused to take a break midday, both the men and the horses were tired, and Arthur knew it.</p>
<p>"We need to keep up as much speed as we can today," he encouraged them through his own fatigue. "I want to be as far into Mercia as we can by nightfall. We can go slower tomorrow and recover some."</p>
<p>To his relief, the knights nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>"That sounds wise, sire," Leon said. "That place, and that woman, unsettle me. The sooner we're beyond her reach, the better."</p>
<p>Gwaine turned to Merlin. "Did she ever try to speak to you again?"</p>
<p>Arthur's servant stiffened and said, "She did."</p>
<p>"You didn't tell me that," Arthur accused, pulling back in surprise, and Merlin smiled apologetically.</p>
<p>"It happened last night, and I was so busy getting everything ready to go for this morning that I haven't really had a chance to talk to you."</p>
<p>He politely failed to mention that Arthur had played his own part in avoiding conversation with Merlin if he could help it.</p>
<p>"What did she say?"</p>
<p>"That I was strange and we make a strange pair." Merlin gave Arthur a sheepish smile and shrugged as though to say he couldn't argue. Around them, the knights snickered. "I told her – again – that my loyalty lies with Arthur. That was more or less the end of it. She didn't try to persuade me again."</p>
<p>"So Merlin must not have been her only play," Leon mused, echoing Arthur's own conclusion, and they all lapsed into thought as they stood from their resting spots, a few of them disappearing to refill their water while the others stretched their legs.</p>
<p>Merlin made his way over to Arthur. "There was more," he murmured before stepping away, back toward the horses. Arthur followed.</p>
<p>"She tried to use magic on me," Merlin continued in a low voice as he fed his horse the last bits of his apple from lunch. "I was able to block it at the last second."</p>
<p>"What kind of magic?" Arthur asked in alarm, and Merlin shook his head.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure. It didn't feel violent. More like an enchantment. But I don't know beyond that."</p>
<p>"And what did she do when you blocked it?"</p>
<p>Merlin snorted, still annoyingly focused on the horse, petting her lovingly as she nuzzled his hands in search of more treats. "She said my talent was wasted in Camelot. She has no idea how much my <em>talent</em> is put to use in Camelot."</p>
<p>Arthur inhaled sharply. "Don't say things like that."</p>
<p>Merlin finally looked at him. "Like what?"</p>
<p>"Just…don't talk about it."</p>
<p>His servant's face fell. "You don't want me to talk about it all," he realized. "We really are pretending it didn't happen?"</p>
<p>"For now," Arthur confirmed. "Until I figure this out. You don't help things by blindsiding me with it again and again."</p>
<p>"You'll never get used to it that way," Merlin grumbled, and Arthur's temper flared.</p>
<p>"Maybe I don't <em>want</em> to get used to it," he snapped. "For now, just be grateful you still have your head."</p>
<p>Merlin swallowed and stood up straighter, then nodded. "I won't bring it up again if you don't want me to."</p>
<p>They stood in an awkward silence for a minute, Arthur calming his temper as Merlin tried not to pout.</p>
<p>"I'm glad we're away from there," Merlin said suddenly. "You weren't safe there. I could feel it. Her magic…" he trailed off, eyeing Arthur warily. "I'm talking about <em>her</em>, not me, so it's allowed," he clarified before continuing. "Her magic just felt…wrong. Sticky and sour. And I swear, I can still feel it."</p>
<p>"You think she followed us?" Arthur demanded, alarm striking for just a moment before his battle training kicked in. He felt his pulse speed up as he automatically began checking their surroundings, looking for unexplained movement.</p>
<p>"No," Merlin answered immediately. "Nothing like that. Just…it's like I walked through a spiderweb or something, and I don't have it all off yet."</p>
<p>Arthur calmed, although he didn't relax. "Do you think her magic might have worked on you? That you might be enchanted somehow?"</p>
<p>Merlin gave him a withering look, as though Arthur had said something particularly offensive. "No. Her magic didn't take hold. It just…touched me. And that was plenty bad enough."</p>
<p>The sound of approaching voices told him the rest of the knights were returning, so Arthur turned his attention to his own horse.</p>
<p>"Come on," he told the group as he swung into the saddle. "Let's cover as much ground as we can before nightfall."</p>
<hr/>
<p>They rode hard, and everyone passed out quickly that night. Merlin returned from cleaning the dishes in a nearby stream to find Lancelot taking first watch and everyone else already snoring.</p>
<p>"They didn't waste any time, did they?" Merlin asked, laughing as he took a seat beside his friend.</p>
<p>"It was a long day," Lancelot answered simply. "Everyone is tired. You should get some rest too."</p>
<p>"I should." Merlin didn't move though. He sat patiently, hoping eventually Lancelot would speak without prompting. But after a few minutes of silence, he gave up. "Do you want to talk about it?"</p>
<p>"Talk about what?" The knight looked at him inquisitively.</p>
<p>"You've been quiet the past couple of days. Brooding, really. And you're not usually a brooder."</p>
<p>One side of Lancelot's mouth tipped up in acknowledgment. "I'm worried."</p>
<p>"About what?"</p>
<p>The knight sighed and took a moment to find the right words. "I'm worried I advised you poorly. You told Arthur the truth, and I…" he trailed off, his gaze drifting to where the king lay sleeping.</p>
<p>"It went about as well as can be expected," Merlin pointed out. "Better than I expected, really. He didn't arrest me or anything. He's angry with me, but I'm not sure I can even blame him for that."</p>
<p>"Has he pardoned you?" Lancelot asked quietly, and Merlin frowned.</p>
<p>"Not in so many words. But he asked for an oath of fealty. Doesn't that imply a pardon?"</p>
<p>"Implied isn't the same thing as an actual pardon. Who knows what he'll do once you reach Camelot?" Lancelot's face was tight, his eyes haunted. "If he hurts you, it will be my fault, Merlin. I don't think I can live with myself if that happens."</p>
<p>Merlin felt a stab of compassion for the man next to him. "That's not going to happen. He initially wanted me to leave because he didn't <em>want</em> to hurt me. I don't think he'll go back on that now."</p>
<p>Lancelot muttered something under his breath that Merlin couldn't quite hear.</p>
<p>"What was that?"</p>
<p>He glanced briefly at Merlin out of the corner of his eye and then looked away again, focusing on the dark woods in front of them. "Unless he's just playing along. Lying to you until we get back to Camelot. It would be less risky to arrest you there, where he'd have more knights and guards on hand, and it would give you less time to escape before your…punishment."</p>
<p>Merlin pulled back, shocked at the suggestion. "Arthur wouldn't do that! No matter how angry he may be, that's just not the kind of man he is. You know that."</p>
<p>He expected a sheepish laugh, or at least a conceding smile. But Lancelot's face remained solemn, and all he said was, "Maybe. But this is magic we're talking about. It has never brought out the best in him."</p>
<p>They fell into silence after that, Merlin disturbed by Lancelot's concerns. He didn't think they were valid; Arthur valued honor too much to play games with Merlin over something like this, and while he might not have officially pardoned Merlin, he didn't believe the king would ask for an oath of fealty just to trick him. But Lancelot was brooding again, and Merlin could tell his anxiety was genuine.</p>
<p>"You should sleep," Lancelot said eventually. "We have a long day of riding ahead of us tomorrow."</p>
<p>"I should," Merlin agreed. But he didn't move. And when time came to wake Elyan for second watch, Merlin volunteered to take it instead, sending Lancelot off to sleep while he stayed up with his thoughts.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Arthur woke up feeling sluggish and exhausted. Perhaps it was the grueling pace from the day before, or perhaps the anxious and restless days in Gedan were catching up with him.</p>
<p>Or…</p>
<p>The thought occurred to him out of nowhere and made his stomach sink. He spotted Merlin preparing his horse and made his way over to him.</p>
<p>"The enchantments," he muttered to him. "The ones Anett sensed. You said one of them was a health enchantment?"</p>
<p>Merlin looked around nervously, making sure no one was nearby. "Kind of. I, um…" he swallowed uncomfortably. "I enchant the food when I cook it. To make it extra nourishing, and to kind of do a general health boost to keep you from getting sick. There was that incident a couple of years ago when that entire patrol all got sick while they were out and barely made it back to Camelot. They're lucky no one died. And I got nervous after that, so I thought I'd better—"</p>
<p>Arthur held up a hand, cutting off the rambling. So he'd been eating enchanted food. For years, apparently. "Did you do that with the meal last night?"</p>
<p>Merlin eyed him uneasily, not replying until Arthur raised his eyebrows impatiently. "I'm not sure what the right answer is," he said cautiously.</p>
<p>"The truth, Merlin," Arthur said irritably. "The truth is the right answer."</p>
<p>"Then yes, I did it with last night's meal. We're pushing hard and everyone needs to stay healthy." Suddenly the nervous look faded, replaced by concern. "Why do you ask?"</p>
<p>"I'm just tired this morning. Extra tired. I was trying to figure out if it was natural or if maybe you'd removed whatever the enchantment was."</p>
<p>Merlin smiled sympathetically. "It's been a long few days. I'd offer to help, but I'm afraid I don't know any magical remedies for being tired. Only rest."</p>
<p>"I'm not…" Arthur tried to tamp down his flaring temper, but the words still came out as a hiss. "I wasn't <em>asking</em> for a magical remedy. I was just trying to figure out if something magical was going on. I'm perfectly capable of riding while tired."</p>
<p>Merlin nodded, and although Arthur saw hurt flash briefly in his eyes, it faded as quickly as it came, leaving worry behind.</p>
<p>Arthur did his best to soften his voice. "Finish up with the horses. We leave shortly."</p>
<p>As he walked away, Lancelot approached Merlin, and the two men began speaking in low voices.</p>
<p>Leon joined Arthur, falling into step beside him. "Everything all right?" he asked softly.</p>
<p>Arthur cringed. He'd tried to behave normally since Merlin shared his shocking news, but he wasn't surprised Leon noticed something amiss. "Sometimes Merlin and I fight," he said, trying to keep his voice casual. "You know how it is. It'll be fine."</p>
<p>Leon's eyes widened in surprise. "Merlin?" he echoed. "I was actually referring to Lancelot. You seem to be avoiding each other, and he hasn't quite been himself recently."</p>
<p>Arthur glanced back at the horses. Merlin and Lancelot appeared to be arguing now, and Arthur couldn't help but notice the knight shooting him a dark look as he spoke.</p>
<p>"Lancelot sided with Merlin," he elaborated reluctantly. "We'll work it out. It's nothing to worry about."</p>
<p>Leon looked unconvinced, but he nodded his acceptance of Arthur's words.</p>
<p>"I admit, I'm a bit surprised to hear you're fighting with Merlin," he said, allowing the subject of Lancelot to drop. "Usually he sulks when you two are on the outs, but he's been exceptionally cheerful the past couple of days."</p>
<p>"I know," Arthur acknowledged darkly. He remembered the way Merlin had laughed after he gave his oath, exuberant and carefree. And the pure <em>happiness</em> on his face as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling in awe.</p>
<p>He'd toned it down since then, of course, but yes, Merlin had been exceptionally cheerful.</p>
<p>A frown suddenly crossed Leon's face. "You don't think…I mean, if you two had a fight, and Anett made him an offer as a spy, and now he's happy instead of moody…" Leon trailed off, but before Arthur could even put the pieces together of what he was implying, Leon shook his head, his cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. "Of course not. I'm sorry, it was absurd for me to even suggest such a thing."</p>
<p>"Fight or not, I don't doubt Merlin's loyalty," Arthur maintained firmly, and Leon nodded.</p>
<p>"Of course. I don't either. He may be a servant and not a knight, but none of us have done more for Camelot than he has."</p>
<p>Arthur felt an urge – an almost desperate need, even – to tell Leon what had happened. To confide the horrible truth of Merlin's confession, and the baffling truth of how Arthur has responded. To get the counsel of someone who would understand how Arthur had put himself in an impossible position and why he was so conflicted.</p>
<p>But now wasn't the moment. That conversation needed privacy and time, neither of which they currently had.</p>
<p>They set out again, moving at a gentler pace than the day before, which allowed easier conversation. The knights and Merlin joked with each other; everyone seemed to share an almost palpable relief at finally being out of reach of Gedan. But although Arthur forced a laugh here and there, he couldn't truly join in. He had too much to think about. The same two questions still thrummed in his head.</p>
<p>
  <em>What have I done? And what do I do?</em>
</p>
<p>He was no closer to figuring out an answer.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The atmosphere in the camp that night was noticeably more lighthearted than the night before. The men were tired, but not exhausted, and they hadn't spent the entire day on edge, looking over their shoulders. They played keep-away with Elyan's waterskin and hid Merlin's bedroll up in a tree, groaning with disappointment when it fell down without Merlin having to climb the tree to fetch it. Gwaine had balanced it somewhat precariously in the branches, and Arthur wondered if Merlin had knocked it down with magic or if it had truly fallen on its own. It irritated him more than it reasonably should that he couldn't tell.</p>
<p>Lancelot seemed himself, participating in the games and laughing with the others. But Leon was right – the man was definitely avoiding him. Every time Arthur spoke to him, his smile grew stiff, and he quickly found an excuse to be elsewhere.</p>
<p>When Merlin announced dinner was ready, Arthur took two bowls instead of one, and approached the knight.</p>
<p>"Here," he said, handing him one.</p>
<p>Lancelot eyed him warily. "Thank you, sire," he said, then turned to walk away.</p>
<p>"Sit with me." It was half invitation, half order, and Arthur didn't miss the way the knight's mouth tightened before he followed Arthur a short distance from the group and sat down next to him. Arthur debated for a moment how to approach the conversation before deciding to go with blunt honesty.</p>
<p>"You've been avoiding me." He waited, but Lancelot didn't reply. "Because you're worried about Merlin?"</p>
<p>Lancelot just took a sip of his soup, his eyes focused on the food. Arthur held back a sigh of irritation.</p>
<p>"What is it, Lancelot? You've always been honest with me before."</p>
<p>The knight finally spoke, although Arthur couldn't read the look on his face. "Yes, I'm worried about Merlin. And about others like Merlin, who have suffered in silence like he has. I'm worried about what you might do to him, and to them, in the future."</p>
<p><em>Others like him</em>. Arthur hadn't even thought about that yet.</p>
<p>"I'm still processing all of this," he admitted. "Merlin…I didn't see it coming. At all. I didn't have even the slightest suspicion. So I can't say what will or won't happen with the laws. But I give you my word, I will do my best to learn more about this and to understand, and to act with fairness and justice. I won't just react out of fear and anger." Arthur felt himself relax slightly, because in responding to Lancelot, he found the answer he'd been looking for. He finally knew what his path forward was. And now that he said it, it seemed obvious and simple.</p>
<p>Before he did anything else, he needed to learn more.</p>
<p>"I'm glad to hear it, sire."</p>
<p>Arthur studied him for a moment. It seemed like this <em>should</em> be a reconciliation, but even though Lancelot had spoken that last sentence with the utmost politeness and respect, he still sat stiffly and wouldn't look at him. Arthur tried to figure out what else he could say to try to bridge this gap between them, but he came up blank.</p>
<p>Maybe Lancelot just needed time. Maybe once they returned to Camelot and he saw Arthur truly did not intend to execute Merlin, he'd relax a little bit. It pained him to think such a close knight would trust him so little, but all Arthur could really do at this point was wait.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn't magic that woke Merlin. Not the sense of wonder in the air, nor the crackle of power through the ground. The night was still and silent. But some intuition, perhaps born of destiny, pulled him from sleep.</p>
<p>His eyes flew open, no grogginess clogging his thoughts or drowsiness slowing his actions. The full moon shone directly overhead, providing plenty of light for the camp despite the dying fire.</p>
<p>Something was wrong.</p>
<p>Years of protective habit made him jerk his head to where Arthur was sleeping several yards away. And his instincts proved true, because a shadowy figure stood over the king, sword raised.</p>
<p>"<em>Ecg miss!</em>" Merlin hissed in alarm, resisting the temptation to shout the spell, and the blade fell, dropping to the ground beside the sleeping king. As the man spun around to face him, Merlin froze, unable for a moment to accept what he saw.</p>
<p>"Don't try to stop me," Lancelot ordered grimly, slowly crouching down to retrieve his sword.</p>
<p>"Don't!" Merlin held his hand out and the knight paused, raising both hands, although he remained bent down. Merlin climbed to his feet, then briefly diverted his attention back to the sword, muttering "<em>Strangaþ</em>." The weapon slid several feet away, out of Lancelot's reach.</p>
<p>For a moment, the two men just stared at each other. Lancelot broke the silence first.</p>
<p>"Think about everything he's done," he said, his voice hushed to keep from waking the others, but earnest and urgent. "The persecution of your people, Merlin. You'll never truly be free, not as long as Arthur sits on the throne."</p>
<p>"What are you talking about? You know what we're destined to do! What <em>he's</em> destined to do!" But as Merlin spoke, his mind worked, and dread welled up in his stomach as the pieces started clicking into place.</p>
<p>"I know what he's done already! He will never accept magic. You know that. If he lives, you will spend your life in the shadows. Magic is meant to be used, not hidden!"</p>
<p>"No," Merlin whispered, his doubts disappearing at those familiar words. "Lancelot…"</p>
<p>"Camelot will be free once Arthur is dead," the knight declared fiercely, and Merlin saw in his eyes the moment he made his decision.</p>
<p>Lancelot sprang upright and turned back to Arthur in one swift motion, grabbing Arthur's sword from where it stood stabbed into the ground at his side.</p>
<p>"<em>Ástryce!</em>" Merlin yelled, sending Lancelot flying over the king to land with a loud thump several yards away. But he just scrambled to his feet again, Arthur's sword still clenched in his fist, and raced back.</p>
<p>"Damn it, <em>stop!</em> You can't beat me, Lancelot!" he shouted, but the knight didn't hesitate. "<em>Scrence!</em>"</p>
<p>The spell had hardly flown from his mouth, knocking Lancelot to the ground, when something heavy hit Merlin from the side, taking him to the ground as well. He registered a voice, maybe more than one, yelling. In the midst of it, he heard a horrified cry of "<em>Sorcery!</em>"</p>
<p>Percival filled his view as the man pinned him down, and movement and shouts around him told him the other knights had woken as well.</p>
<p>But everyone's attention was on the sorcerer, not Lancelot. Looking past Percival, Merlin could see Arthur, awake now, alert but unarmed. And beyond him, Lancelot sitting up, getting ready to rise.</p>
<p>"<em>Carcern!</em>" he yelled, pulling one arm free from Percival's grasp to direct the spell. Lancelot finally froze, pinned to the ground by magic.</p>
<p>The shouting faded, replaced by a brittle silence. After a moment, Percival released his grip and stood, and two swords took his place; one held by Leon, pointed at Merlin's throat, and one held by Elyan, pointed at Merlin's chest.</p>
<p>Percival made his way over to Lancelot. "Are you all right?" he asked, reaching down to help his friend up. But the knight didn't move. "Lancelot?" He looked over his shoulder at Merlin, eyes full of horror. "What have you done to him?"</p>
<p>"He's just paralyzed," Merlin said, his voice cracking slightly. "I swear, I wasn't trying to hurt him. I was just trying to protect Arthur."</p>
<p>"Free him," Leon demanded, and he pressed his sword more firmly against Merlin's neck. Merlin heard none of the ordinary warmth in his voice; Leon spoke to him as a knight of Camelot, not as a friend. "Whatever enchantment you used, remove it."</p>
<p>"Stop." Arthur climbed slowly to his feet, looking back and forth from Merlin to Lancelot. "Everyone just...stop for a minute."</p>
<p>"He's a sorcerer, Arthur," Leon said immediately. Merlin caught the hint of a tremor in his words, but his eyes stayed hard. "We all saw it."</p>
<p>"It's true." Merlin heard Gwaine's voice for the first time, speaking from somewhere behind him, quiet and flat. "He used magic to knock Lancelot to the ground, and now he has some kind of spell on him to keep him there."</p>
<p>"I can see that," Arthur acknowledged grimly, his eyes resting on Lancelot's still form. "Merlin, what happened?"</p>
<p>"Lancelot tried to kill you!" Merlin stumbled over his words in his haste to explain. "He's enchanted, Arthur. That's why I can still feel Anett's magic. It's not some weird mental thing or an aftereffect of her trying to enchant me – I can feel it because it's still here, in him!"</p>
<p>"The sorcerer is trying to blame someone else's magic?" Elyan muttered. "That's a new one."</p>
<p>"It's true!" Merlin insisted. "You've all seen how he's been recently – he's not himself! I woke up and I saw him standing over Arthur, about to stab him! And Arthur," Merlin added, focusing his full attention on the king. "When I confronted him, he said, 'Magic is meant to be used, not hidden,' which are the exact words Anett said to me our last night there!"</p>
<p>The king studied him for a long moment, his face inscrutable, then sighed. "Release him."</p>
<p>No one moved for a minute, then Percival turned to Merlin and snapped, "He said <em>release him</em>."</p>
<p>"No," Arthur cut in. "Leon and Elyan – release Merlin."</p>
<p>Above him, the two knights exchanged an incredulous look.</p>
<p>"Sire," Leon argued, "he's a sorcerer."</p>
<p>"I know," Arthur said, pinching the bridge of his nose.</p>
<p>"I know it's shocking, but we can't just free—"</p>
<p>"No, Leon. I mean <em>I know</em>. I already knew. Before tonight. Only for a couple of days, so yes, still shocking. But I knew. And so did Lancelot."</p>
<p>Merlin still couldn't see Gwaine, but the others all stared at Arthur, dumbfounded.</p>
<p>"You knew?" Leon repeated. "How?"</p>
<p>"Because he came to me and told me." Arthur's gaze turned to where Merlin still lay sprawled at swordpoint. "I said let him up, Leon. Unless I'm mistaken, he's only humoring you anyway. If he could throw Lancelot to the ground like that, I'm sure he can probably get free from the two of you."</p>
<p>Leon hesitated a moment longer, but finally stepped back and lowered his sword, and Elyan followed his lead. Merlin took a shaky breath, relief flooding his body. Slowly, trying to appear as nonthreatening as possible, he sat up.</p>
<p>He saw the fear in their eyes. The bravest knights of Camelot, scared of Merlin the servant.</p>
<p>"Okay," Arthur said. He bent down and picked up the sword on the ground, gripping it firmly in his hand. "Now, Merlin – free Lancelot."</p>
<p>Reluctantly, Merlin lowered his hand, releasing the spell.</p>
<p>Lancelot's body went limp, and then he sat up as well, shooting Merlin a dark look, but otherwise avoiding eye contact with any of them.</p>
<p>"Lancelot. Tell me what happened."</p>
<p>Merlin felt something curl unpleasantly in his stomach in response to Arthur's order. It was the hard, authoritative voice he used in trials.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure," Lancelot hedged. "I was sitting watch by the fire, and then he just…attacked. Out of nowhere. I have no idea why."</p>
<p>"What did he do?" Arthur demanded.</p>
<p>Lancelot answered hesitantly. "He hit me with magic, knocking me to the ground. I tried to reason with him, but he was just talking nonsense. Then I tried to get up and he knocked me down again – that's when everyone woke up. And then he did that last spell, so I couldn't move."</p>
<p>Arthur stared at him for several seconds. The horizon was beginning to lighten, and his face took on a grayish hue in the pre-dawn light. "You were keeping watch by the fire," he recapped. "He attacked, you fell down. You stood up, he attacked again. That's it?"</p>
<p>"Yes, sire. I wasn't trying to harm you. I was nowhere near you!"</p>
<p>Arthur nodded, then considered for a moment. "All right. So tell me, Sir Lancelot - how did you come to have my sword?"</p>
<p>Lancelot looked down at the blade still gripped in his fist, his eyes widening as he realized his mistake. And in that moment, the lie was obvious on his face. Merlin heard Elyan curse under his breath.</p>
<p>"I, uh, I had to grab your sword because I dropped mine," he started, but faltered as he took in the others' disbelieving expressions. Then his face changed, the feigned surprise and confusion replaced by uncharacteristic rage as the truth spilled out. "I did what I had to do," he snarled, fury contorting his face. "Camelot must be free of tyranny, and no one else had the courage to end it!"</p>
<p>"Tyranny?" Leon whispered in confusion.</p>
<p>"Yes, tyranny! I was trying to <em>help</em> Merlin! Arthur has murdered countless innocent people just like him, and when we return to Camelot, he'll put Merlin on the pyre, regardless of everything he's done for Camelot!"</p>
<p>"No, I won't!" Arthur argued. "I promised you I would not let anger or fear drive my actions on this!"</p>
<p>"That's not the same thing as a pardon," Lancelot said icily. "That's not the same thing as a promise not to harm him!"</p>
<p>"Fine!" Arthur cried, throwing his free hand in the air. "I promise not to harm him! Are you happy now?"</p>
<p>"And what of others like him?"</p>
<p>Merlin saw the frustration and despair on Arthur's face and knew Lancelot was pushing for too much, too fast. Arthur didn't have these answers yet.</p>
<p>"You're wasting your breath, Arthur," he spoke up quietly. "He's enchanted. You won't appease him."</p>
<p>Arthur sighed. "Are you sure he's enchanted?"</p>
<p>"I'm not enchanted," Lancelot insisted. "I'm just not blind to the truth, nor am I willing to stand back while innocent people die."</p>
<p>Arthur ignored him and waited for Merlin's answer.</p>
<p>"Lancelot may be protective of me, but not like this," Merlin said firmly. "There's no way he would attack you of his own will."</p>
<p>Arthur grimaced in frustration. "You're right." He thought for a minute, his gaze moving back and forth between Merlin and Lancelot. "Can you use your magic to remove the enchantment?"</p>
<p>"Depends on what it is," Merlin said. "I need to take a closer look and try to figure out what she did before I can figure out how to fix it."</p>
<p>"You can tell what she did just by looking at him?" Percival asked skeptically.</p>
<p>"Maybe. Depending on what it is, I might find a magical creature, an amulet, a rune. Some kind of enchanted object. If I don't, then it gets more complicated."</p>
<p>"All right," Arthur agreed, nodding toward Lancelot. "Take a look."</p>
<p>Merlin stood up, still moving slowly to avoid spooking the others. "Uh, I can paralyze him with magic again, but it would be better if I didn't have to. I'd rather not have my attention split."</p>
<p>Arthur nodded, taking a step closer. "I'll watch him."</p>
<p>"No!" Merlin insisted urgently, prompting the king to raise his eyebrows. "Maybe someone he <em>didn't</em> just try to kill?"</p>
<p>"I'll go," Gwaine spoke up. "Not that it's necessary. You're not going to hurt anyone, are you, Lancelot?"</p>
<p>"Of course not," he said sullenly, but his eyes darted to Arthur as he spoke. When Merlin and Gwaine approached, his face softened. "I don't want to hurt you, Merlin. I'm trying to help you. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like this?"</p>
<p>Merlin paused, waiting until Gwaine was settled with his sword at Lancelot's chest before he closed the last few feet to where Lancelot sat on the ground. Now that he was looking for it, he noticed that sense of Anett's grimy magic growing stronger as he drew nearer to the knight.</p>
<p>"I believe that you believe that," he said gently. "I believe you only want to help. Now, can you do me a favor and look down? I need to see the back of your neck."</p>
<p>The knight bowed his head, and Merlin moved behind him, brushing his hair out of the way and running his hand over the skin, but it was still too dark to get a good look.</p>
<p>"<em>Leoht</em>," he muttered, summoning a sphere of light and holding it up next to Lancelot's neck.</p>
<p>Several panicked shouts erupted at once, and Gwaine's sword swung from Lancelot to point at Merlin instead. He instinctively took a step back, hands raised innocently as the light went out.</p>
<p>"I'm not hurting him," he assured them. "I just needed to see better!"</p>
<p>"Damn it, Merlin!" Arthur didn't bother trying to hide his fury. "I already told you not to do things like that!"</p>
<p>"Why does it matter?" he cried, exasperated. "Everyone here knows I have magic now!"</p>
<p>"I told you, <em>I</em> don't want to see it! If you need light, get a torch!"</p>
<p>Merlin rolled his eyes, but his bit his tongue and obediently retrieved a torch. Lighting it off the dying embers of the fire took a moment, and he resisted the urge to speed up the process with a quick spell. It felt silly <em>not</em> to, but it wouldn't be worth Arthur's ire if he got caught.</p>
<p>Returning to Lancelot, he checked his neck again, relieved when it was clear.</p>
<p>"Not a fomorroh then," he murmured to himself. "That's good. I wasn't looking forward to sneaking back into Anett's castle to kill the mother beast."</p>
<p>"What's a fomorroh?" Arthur asked, and Merlin shuddered.</p>
<p>"It's a…snake head thing. It goes under the skin at the neck and enchants the person to become obsessed with a single purpose. It's unpleasant. And gross."</p>
<p>"You say that as though you have personal experience," Arthur observed.</p>
<p>Merlin froze, his mind automatically racing to conjure a lie before he remembered his biggest secret was already revealed. There was no point in further deception.</p>
<p>"Morgana used one on me once," he admitted. "A year or two ago."</p>
<p>A long silence followed, which he used to focus his attention back on Lancelot. A quick check confirmed there was no amulet around his neck and nothing on either arm.</p>
<p>"Morgana used mind control on you?" Arthur finally asked, and Merlin nodded. "What did she have you do?"</p>
<p>"She enchanted me to kill you, actually." Merlin paused and looked over, meeting Arthur's eyes. "I don't remember it, but Gaius and Gwen told me about it. Apparently I was a terrible assassin. It seems my magic fought against it, because I didn't use magic in my attempts. I didn't even try to kill you in any kind of reasonable way. I did stupid things like set up a shoddy boobytrap in your wardrobe with a crossbow."</p>
<p>"You were enchanted to <em>kill</em> me?" Arthur echoed, his voice going up several pitches. "And Gaius and Gwen knew about it?"</p>
<p>"Yes. But I didn't kill you. I broke the enchantment, and then spent a week getting <em>trained in my duties</em> by George."</p>
<p>Arthur stared at him, his face a mix of emotions. But before he could respond, Leon spoke up.</p>
<p>"A crossbow?"</p>
<p>"That's what I'm told," Merlin said with a shrug. Leon looked faintly ill, but didn't say anything else.</p>
<p>Silence fell again, and Merlin returned to his task, briefly patting down Lancelot's torso. If he didn't find anything, he'd have to search his skin for markings, but he didn't want to humiliate his friend by having him strip unless it was absolutely necessary.</p>
<p>Coming up empty again, he moved to the legs, starting at his foot and working his way up. In the back of his mind, he could hear Gwaine's voice joking, <em>"At least buy the man a drink first, Merlin!"</em> But next to him, the real Gwaine remained silent and grim, focused on Lancelot and ignoring Merlin.</p>
<p>He found what he was looking for below the knee of Lancelot's right leg; it seemed to be some kind of thick band wrapped around the calf. Merlin ran his hand along it, then looked up at Lancelot.</p>
<p>"What's this?"</p>
<p>His friend stared back blankly. "What's what?"</p>
<p>Merlin tapped on the band, making a faintly metallic thunk. "This."</p>
<p>Lancelot looked at his leg in surprise, then furrowed his brow. "I…" he trailed off, his eyes glazing over for a moment before he blinked in confusion. Merlin and Gwaine exchanged a glance before Gwaine's expression tightened and he quickly looked away.</p>
<p>Merlin pulled Lancelot's trouser leg up to reveal a silver band. And set in the band was a foggy white amulet with threads of red running through it. Merlin recoiled; the taint of twisted magic emitted from the amulet made him want to find the nearest river and scrub his skin. Around him, he heard several low curses from the knights.</p>
<p>"What is it?" Lancelot's voice sounded small and confused as he stared at the stone. "How did I not know it was there?"</p>
<p>"Because you're enchanted." Merlin looked at his friend with pity. "The enchantment has a hold of your mind, and it didn't want you to know it was there. Lancelot, listen to me." The knight met Merlin's gaze, his eyes wide with alarm. "You can't trust your own thoughts right now. All right? You don't want to kill Arthur. That's just the magic. Don't listen to it. I promise, I'm going to find a way to free you from this."</p>
<p>"It's not real?" he asked uncertainly.</p>
<p>"The desire to kill Arthur? No, it's not real." Merlin sat down, looking intently at his friend. "Think back. Before we went to Gedan, did you want to kill Arthur? Had you ever even thought about it?"</p>
<p>Lancelot rubbed his forehead, then covered his eyes with one hand as he thought. "I…I can't remember. I can't remember what I used to think about Arthur."</p>
<p>"Do you remember what you thought about me?"</p>
<p>Lancelot dropped his hand and met Merlin's eyes again. "Yes."</p>
<p>"Did you trust me? <em>Do</em> you trust me?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Lancelot answered again without hesitation.</p>
<p>"Then believe me – <em>you don't want to kill Arthur</em>. Fight it, all right?"</p>
<p>Lancelot nodded. "All right," he agreed unsteadily, and Merlin's heart broke to see his friend look so shaken.</p>
<p>"I'm going to take a closer look now, all right?"</p>
<p>Lancelot nodded, and Merlin laid down on his stomach so he could examine the amulet. The sun was finally peeking over the horizon, but the morning was still too full of shadows to see clearly.</p>
<p>"Do you mind?" he asked, holding the torch out to Gwaine. The knight hesitated only a moment before taking it, still not meeting Merlin's eyes, and held the flame down near Lancelot's leg.</p>
<p>"Not too close," Merlin cautioned. "That metal will heat up fast, and I don't want to burn him."</p>
<p>It was an unconventional placement for an amulet, but clever. Far harder to remove than a necklace and easier to hide than a bracelet. No one spent much time looking at Lancelot's calves.</p>
<p>A quick investigation confirmed there was no seam, no visible mechanism for removing the band. Merlin had expected no less, but he was still disappointed. He sat up, trying to think through his options.</p>
<p>"Can you remove it?" Arthur asked, and Merlin shook his head.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure. There are a few things I can try, but…" he trailed off and looked at Lancelot. His friend had accompanied him on enough magical tasks to have some idea of how these things worked. Sure enough, Lancelot's mouth turned up in a sad half-smile.</p>
<p>"If you try something and it doesn't work, it'll fight back, won't it?"</p>
<p>Merlin winced. "Yes. I imagine it will."</p>
<p>"And I'm guessing that will hurt."</p>
<p>"I'll be shocked if it doesn't."</p>
<p>Lancelot took a shaky breath, then sat up straight. Meeting Merlin's eye, he gave him a determined nod and a forced smile. "Well then. I guess you'd better get started."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I LOVED reading everyone's different theories about what Anett is up to! It turns out a lot of you are much more clever and creative than I am, because I read some amazing ideas!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Watching Merlin try to remove the amulet was excruciating. Over and over again, he murmured words under his breath and his eyes turned gold. And more often than not, Lancelot winced, or even cried out in pain. Arthur cringed each time with him, then felt his stomach twist at the look of hopeless guilt on Merlin's face. Then the look would fade, the guilt replaced by resolve, and the cycle would start again. He asked Lancelot questions along the way, trying to gauge whether his spells made any progress, but nothing he did seemed to make a difference.</p>
<p>"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Percival asked several minutes in, his concerned gaze fixed on Lancelot, not Merlin.</p>
<p>"I know what I'm doing," Merlin replied tightly. "I just don't know if any of it will work."</p>
<p>"Sire," Leon murmured from beside the king. "Should we really be letting him do this? Practice magic on a knight?"</p>
<p>"What choice do we have? Just leave him enchanted and trying to kill me?" To his surprise, Arthur felt no reservations of his own. He wasn't sure if Merlin could succeed, but he was willing to let him try if his servant thought he had a chance.</p>
<p>"All right," Merlin said after an hour or so, resting a hand comfortingly on Lancelot's foot. "I've tried just about everything I can think of. I have one more idea, and then we'll take a break, all right?"</p>
<p>Lancelot took a deep breath and nodded. "All right."</p>
<p>Merlin glanced around at his audience, nervousness mixed with the determination in his eyes. "Uh, this one is a little more dangerous if it goes wrong, so it's really important I not get distracted," he cautioned. The warning seemed unnecessary since no one had breathed a word for several minutes, and Merlin's anxiousness made Arthur even more uneasy.</p>
<p>"Dangerous how? What are you going to do?" he asked.</p>
<p>Merlin's mouth set in a grim line. "I'm going to try to break it. But I need to focus, because otherwise I could end up breaking something else."</p>
<p>"My leg?" Lancelot clarified. Merlin didn't answer, but the look on his face was confirmation enough. "All right," Lancelot agreed, squaring his shoulders and closing his eyes. "Do it."</p>
<p>Merlin set his hand over the band and took a few deep breaths, then said, "<em>Berst!</em>"</p>
<p>A loud clanging burst through the forest, like a hammer hitting a gong, but the sound was quickly drowned out by Lancelot's choked scream. Arthur automatically took a step toward him before he remembered the man wanted to kill him.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry!" Merlin cried, drawing back in horror. "Oh gods, I'm sorry! Are you all right?"</p>
<p>Lancelot took a heaving breath, his eyes still squeezed shut. "I think I'd like to take that break you were talking about," he said in a strangled voice, clutching his leg.</p>
<p>"Did I break it?" Merlin asked with an edge of panic, but Lancelot shook his head.</p>
<p>"I don't think so. Can I try to stand on it?"</p>
<p>Merlin glanced at Arthur, and the king took a few more steps back. Then Merlin and Gwaine reached down, each taking one of Lancelot's arms and pulling him to his feet. The knight took a couple of steps, wincing as he tested his right leg, but relaxing as it supported his weight.</p>
<p>"It's not broken," he confirmed, and Merlin's body drooped with relief. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried that one."</p>
<p>"I agreed to it," Lancelot pointed out as he eased himself back to the ground. "I want this thing off of me."</p>
<p>Merlin shook his head. "It was too risky. Besides, it was stupid to think that would work. It was stupid to think <em>any </em>of these simple spells would work. Anett is cleverer than that. I just need to think. There has to be another way to come at this."</p>
<p>"Think while you fill up the waterskins," Arthur said, tossing him his own. Merlin caught it easily, then turned to the other knights. The men shared an uncertain look.</p>
<p>"I think I'll fill up my own, thanks," Elyan said tightly, not looking Merlin in the eye. Percival didn't even answer; he just turned away from Merlin, although he looked more troubled than angry. But Leon, after a moment's hesitation, stood and handed his over. Merlin gave him a grateful smile, and the knight nodded in response before lowering his eyes.</p>
<p>Merlin grabbed Lancelot's, then turned to Gwaine, waiting uneasily. The knight stared at the ground, refusing to look his direction. Merlin watched him for a moment, and Arthur felt a stab of fear that he might cry. But Merlin just swallowed and set out toward the stream. He'd only taken a couple of steps when Gwaine spoke up.</p>
<p>"Mine is sitting next to my bedroll. If you don't mind." The words came out stiffly, and his gaze stayed focused on the ground, but Merlin's face fell with relief as he grabbed the waterskin.</p>
<p>"Are you sure he won't run?" Leon asked after Merlin disappeared from view, and Arthur snorted.</p>
<p>"Believe me, I'm not that lucky," he said darkly. "I tried to get him to run when he first told me. I <em>ordered</em> him to run. I told him I'd execute him if he didn't. And he insisted he would not leave Camelot or leave me willingly."</p>
<p>"That…sounds like Merlin," Leon admitted, looking puzzled, and Arthur couldn't help laughing.</p>
<p>Someone understood. Finally, <em>someone understood</em>.</p>
<p>"He's <em>just</em> like Merlin!" he burst out, all of the thoughts and feelings from the previous days erupting. "He keeps acting the same, except he'll just casually bring up magic, or casually <em>do</em> magic, right there in front of me! But he does it in such a <em>Merlin </em>way! And I have no idea what I'm going to do, because when he refused to leave and I said I was going to kill him, I…" Arthur trailed off, still dumbfounded he'd done such an insane thing.</p>
<p>"You what?" Elyan prompted him.</p>
<p>"I asked for an oath of fealty instead," Arthur admitted miserably. "I don't know what came over me."</p>
<p>"Do you think he enchanted you into not killing him?" Elyan asked with alarm, but Arthur shook his head.</p>
<p>"No, I don't believe it was magic. It was just…" Arthur gestured helplessly. "…<em>him</em>. Kneeling in the middle of my room with that stubborn look on his face, declaring his loyalty. I just couldn't kill him."</p>
<p>"Why would someone as loyal to Camelot as Merlin learn magic in the first place?" Gwaine asked from where he sat beside Lancelot.</p>
<p>"He says he was born with it." The words came out softly as Arthur remembered Merlin's confession. "He was so terrified to tell me."</p>
<p>Percival spoke up. "Why <em>did</em> he tell you? Why now?"</p>
<p>"Because Anett sensed his magic, and he didn't feel it was right to keep it a secret from me if she knew." He glanced at Lancelot. "And because Lancelot urged him to."</p>
<p>A confused look crossed Lancelot's face. "I did, didn't I?" he said, more to himself than to the group. "Why would I tell him to do that when I knew Arthur would kill him?"</p>
<p>No one answered at first. Arthur wasn't sure he was the right person to reply given the circumstances, but he couldn't stop himself. "Because you <em>didn't</em> believe I would kill him, Lancelot."</p>
<p>"But you're a <em>murderer</em>!" Lancelot protested, sounding more frustrated than angry. "That's what you do! You kill people with magic!"</p>
<p>"Actually," Gwaine broke in quietly, "Arthur hasn't executed anyone for sorcery since we've been knights, Lancelot."</p>
<p>"Of course he has!"</p>
<p>"Tell me one time."</p>
<p>Lancelot stared at Gwaine, frustration giving way to confusion. "I can't remember," he admitted bleakly. "Why can't I remember?"</p>
<p>"Because you're enchanted," Elyan said, his voice bitter, "and magic only brings about evil."</p>
<p>Arthur only hesitated for a moment. "What if it doesn't?"</p>
<p>"Sire?" Percival asked, surprised, and Arthur cleared his throat uncomfortably.</p>
<p>"Merlin says he was born with magic. And I don't believe he's evil. Do you?"</p>
<p>"We don't know Merlin," Gwaine pointed out in a flat voice. "Not really."</p>
<p>"I don't know," Arthur argued. "Does he seem any different to you? Even while he sat here doing magic, did he seem like someone else? Because gods help me, to me it just seemed like…Merlin doing magic. Normal Merlin, doing magic."</p>
<p>The group sat in silence for a minute or two before Leon spoke up.</p>
<p>"I know you're fond of Merlin, sire. We all are. But Morgana was once kind and compassionate as well, and you know better than anyone what magic did to her."</p>
<p>Arthur did know. And this was one of those things on the long list of issues he and Merlin needed to discuss.</p>
<p>"There were signs with Morgana," he said, pushing his own concerns aside. The more the knights questioned, the more he felt compelled to defend Merlin. "I didn't want to see them, but they were there. I see no such signs in Merlin, and I spend hours with him every day."</p>
<p>Leon's mouth tightened. "Is this really the choice you're making? To trust a sorcerer, after all you've seen?"</p>
<p>"Just yesterday, you told me no one had done more for Camelot than Merlin," Arthur reminded him. "You thought the idea of Merlin betraying me was ridiculous."</p>
<p>Leon sighed and nodded. "Yes. I did."</p>
<p>A crunching of footsteps signaled Merlin's return, so Arthur changed the subject.</p>
<p>"We can't just stay here. We need to press on to Camelot. Perhaps Gaius will know something that could help us break the enchantment."</p>
<p>"It's possible," Merlin agreed as he entered the clearing, tossing the waterskins back to their respective owners. "I also have a spell book that might have something useful."</p>
<p>"<em>That!</em>" Arthur snapped abruptly, his frustration surging up again. "That's the kind of stuff he keeps doing! Just casually filling up waterskins and then <em>talking about spell books</em><em>!</em>"</p>
<p>Merlin looked taken aback. "You were talking about finding ways to break the enchantment!" he protested. "I was just adding to the conversation. You can't honestly forbid me to talk about magic now that Lancelot's enchanted!"</p>
<p>Arthur made a face, hating that Merlin was right. "Just…try to go gently with that kind of information."</p>
<p>Merlin rolled his eyes and grumbled, "I am trying. I'm just not very good at it. I don't have a good sense of what shocks you and what doesn't."</p>
<p>"Just assume it all shocks me, Merlin."</p>
<p>"That sounds exhausting," he muttered, and Arthur laughed.</p>
<p>"Believe me, it is."</p>
<p>Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it again, and Arthur realized he'd meant exhausting for himself, walking on eggshells. But he wisely didn't voice that thought.</p>
<p>The group began readying itself to set out, Percival and Elyan going to fill their waterskins while the others ate a quick breakfast of fruit. Lancelot and Arthur kept on opposite sides of the camp, Gwaine still watching the enchanted knight, and Merlin sat off by himself, deep in thought.</p>
<p>"Arthur," he said after several minutes. "I'd like to check one more thing before we leave." Turning to Lancelot, he reassured him, "This one shouldn't hurt. It's just gathering information."</p>
<p>"Go ahead," Arthur agreed with a nod.</p>
<p>Merlin bit his lip. "I need your help."</p>
<p>Arthur followed him over to Lancelot, stopping when Merlin held up a hand.</p>
<p>"Lancelot, Arthur is going to come closer. You don't want to kill him, okay? Try to remember that."</p>
<p>The knight eyed the king distrustfully, but nodded.</p>
<p>"Gwaine's going to keep a close eye on you, just in case. We don't want you to do anything you'll regret." Turning to Gwaine and Arthur, he muttered, "Keep a tight grip on your swords."</p>
<p>Merlin laid down on his stomach again, his face inches from the amulet. "Okay, Arthur. Come closer." The king took a few hesitant steps towards them, and Merlin's eyes furrowed in concentration. "Move away again," he ordered. "Okay, now come closer again." He hissed under his breath, pulling even closer to the stone. "I see," he murmured.</p>
<p>"See what?" Arthur demanded, but before he could answer, a blur of movement flew past Merlin, knocking Arthur to the ground. He'd hardly realized what had happened before he felt two hands wrapping around his throat. He clung tightly to his sword with his right hand; he didn't want to use it if he didn't have to, but he also didn't want Lancelot to take it from him. Using his left hand, he tried to push the man off, but Lancelot had the advantages of both hands and no hesitation about hurting him.</p>
<p>About killing him.</p>
<p>Merlin's voice cried out from nearby. "<em>Ástryce!</em>"</p>
<p>The weight disappeared as Lancelot went flying, landing several feet away. Gwaine had his sword to his chest before he could get back up, Leon rushing over to help.</p>
<p>"Are you all right?" Merlin demanded as he scrambled over to Arthur.</p>
<p>The king rubbed his throat and nodded. "Yes," he said, but it came out raspy and choked, so he tried again. "Yes, I'm fine."</p>
<p>"Let me take a look."</p>
<p>Arthur rolled his eyes, but spotting the concerned looks on the knights' faces, he lifted his chin and let the physician's apprentice poke and prod. Arthur studied him as he worked. Could someone really feign this kind of worry? Could someone fake this level of caring for eight years? Because the gentleness in Merlin's hands, the concern in his eyes, the focused set of his mouth – Arthur had seen this over and over again, with every injury he sustained.</p>
<p>And maybe he'd say it was just Merlin's physician training, except he'd seen Merlin care for others. And while he was always careful and gentle, he didn't show the same kind of anxiety for others' injuries that he always showed for Arthur's.</p>
<p>"You'll have some bruising," Merlin said finally, sitting back. "And you should try to limit how much you talk for a day or two, if you can."</p>
<p>Arthur nodded, his eyes catching the dirt and redness on Merlin's jaw. "Are you hurt?"</p>
<p>Merlin frowned, reaching up a hand to prod the blossoming bruise. "I caught a foot in the face when he lunged, but I'll be fine." He turned his attention to Lancelot, who was still lying on the ground at swordpoint. "Lancelot…" he began gently, but the knight cut him off.</p>
<p>"He's going to kill you, Merlin!" he cried. "Why can't you see that?"</p>
<p>"Sorry, Arthur," Gwaine spoke up, his grim expression fixed on Lancelot. "He moved so fast – he managed to knock my sword to the side before I even knew anything was happening."</p>
<p>"He caught me by surprise too," Arthur admitted. "There was no hesitation in him, was there? He just went for it."</p>
<p>"I'm right here," Lancelot snapped. "I can hear you."</p>
<p>"It's the enchantment," Merlin said, still staring at the knight thoughtfully. "When you got close, it took over. That single-minded focus would override any caution he might otherwise have. He wouldn't care if he died in the effort, as long as you died with him. At least, I suspect that's what happened." Looking at Arthur, he added, "Thank you for letting me check that. But in general, I think we should probably keep you two as far apart as possible. Best not to tempt him."</p>
<p>Arthur nodded, then turned to Percival. "Get some rope. We'll have to restrain him for the journey."</p>
<p>"You're going to tie me up like a prisoner?" Lancelot demanded incredulously.</p>
<p>Merlin eased closer to him and sat down. "Remember what I said," he urged, his tone low and soothing. "You can't trust your thoughts, Lancelot. This is the amulet talking. You don't really hate Arthur."</p>
<p>"Want to bet?" he snapped, and Arthur flinched at the vitriol in his voice.</p>
<p>Merlin reached out and took Lancelot's hand, placing it on the amulet. "You are enchanted, Lancelot. The amulet – <em>that</em> is real. Remember that."</p>
<p>Lancelot swallowed and took a deep breath. Letting it out slowly, he met Merlin's eyes and nodded. "Right. The amulet. The enchantment. I…I forgot."</p>
<p>"I know. Just focus on that for a minute, okay? They're going to have to tie you up, though. The magic is strong, and it wouldn't be fair to you to expect you to overcome it by force of will alone."</p>
<p>Lancelot nodded, and Arthur felt a stab of pity for him. Truthfully, if given the choice between being the person enchanted to kill or the person targeted to be killed, he was pretty sure he'd take the latter. Yes, one of his closest friends was trying to murder him, but at least he could trust his own mind.</p>
<p>Arthur moved away, putting some distance between himself and his would-be assassin, but he could hear the low tones of Merlin murmuring to Lancelot as Percival tied his hands in front of him. Lancelot answered in a voice slightly higher than his normal one, and even though Arthur couldn't make out the words, he thought the man sounded a little lost.</p>
<p>Eventually they managed to get Lancelot onto his horse, and the rest of them followed suit. Lancelot and Percival rode up front, Percival leading his friend's horse, and Arthur took the rear, keeping the rest of the group between them. Merlin stayed beside him, his face tight and his eyes distracted.</p>
<p>"I have a question," Gwaine spoke up after a few minutes of silence. "When could she have possibly enchanted him? Wouldn't that require time?"</p>
<p>Arthur looked at Merlin. "It was the day of the hunt, wasn't it?"</p>
<p>Merlin closed his eyes briefly, and Arthur was surprised to see guilt on his face.</p>
<p>"I messed up," he admitted. "Twice."</p>
<p>Arthur raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"I was with Anett that morning. She introduced me to people – a sorcerer in her military, the head of her spy network, who was also a sorcerer. I told you about that. And she told them <em>all</em> that I have magic. Just announced it, right there in the middle of the corridor!" Merlin shook his head, and Arthur could see the fear in his eyes as he recounted the memory. "Lancelot kept nearby for that. Close enough to overhear, at least. But then…" he trailed off and eyed Arthur nervously, and Arthur automatically tensed in response.</p>
<p>"Then we got separated," he continued. "She took me down to the vaults where they keep their magical artifacts. They were huge. A whole room of amulets, now that I think of it," he added with a scowl. "But the room she took me to…it was filled with magical items for healing. And I…Arthur, I didn't like her, and I certainly never trusted her. Not even then. But that room…I'd be lying if I said it wasn't wonderful. All of those magical objects, each one designed to help ease someone's suffering, to help their body heal."</p>
<p>His voice grew wistful, and his desire to ease suffering struck a chord of compassion in Arthur, even as his praise of Anett's collection made his skin crawl.</p>
<p>"But how could she have enchanted Lancelot if she was with you?" Leon pointed out, and Merlin grimaced.</p>
<p>"That's where I messed up. I knew Lancelot would want to know where I'd been. I knew he wouldn't…approve. Of my enthusiasm for what I saw in the vaults. And I knew he wouldn't be happy to learn she knew about my magic. So I avoided him that afternoon." Anger and grief warred in his eyes. "I should have protected him. It never even occurred to me he could be in danger, but I should have realized Anett wouldn't waste an opportunity to get one of you alone."</p>
<p>Arthur followed Merlin's gaze to his friend. The stiffness in Lancelot's back was the only sign he was listening to the conversation.</p>
<p>"She got you alone," Elyan pointed out, casting a wary glance back at Merlin. "More than once, even. How do we know she didn't enchant you?"</p>
<p>"She tried," Merlin admitted, equally direct. "But I'm more powerful than she is, so I was able to block it."</p>
<p>"You're more powerful?" Leon repeated.</p>
<p>Merlin's jaw clenched. "Yes. I am."</p>
<p>It hadn't occurred to Arthur to wonder how powerful Merlin was. Just the fact that he had magic in the first place was about all he could handle. But the confidence with which Merlin spoke those words made him wonder.</p>
<p>"You said you messed up twice," Arthur said, redirecting the conversation. He wasn't ready to think about Merlin's power. "What was the other one?"</p>
<p>Merlin's nostrils flared in anger, but he didn't answer the question directly. "Did you get close enough to see the amulet this morning?"</p>
<p>"A little bit," Arthur said. "It just looked like a stone in a metal band."</p>
<p>"A white, translucent stone," Merlin clarified, "with red in it. When you got closer to Lancelot, the red brightened. Glowed, almost. It can sense your presence. And I'm sure that intensifies the magic. I think Lancelot literally couldn't help attacking with you right there."</p>
<p>"What does that mean?" Arthur asked, and Merlin pressed his lips tightly before answering.</p>
<p>"I believe the red is your blood, Arthur. That's where I messed up again. When I dressed your wound from training that first day, I didn't destroy the rags. And blood…you can do powerful magic with blood. More difficult, but far more powerful than what you can do with, say, a lock of hair." He shook his head. "This is all my fault."</p>
<p>"That seems like a bit of an overstatement." Arthur gave him a pointed look. "You didn't curse him, Merlin."</p>
<p>"No, I just failed to protect him." Merlin answered bitterly. "And I failed to protect you. What's the point in having magic if I can't keep you and your knights safe?"</p>
<p>Arthur didn't have an answer to that, although he saw Elyan and Leon exchange a bewildered look at Merlin's words. They were both born and raised in Camelot, indoctrinated with the same hatred of magic as Arthur. Merlin's impassioned declaration about using magic to protect them ran counter to all they'd been taught.</p>
<p>"Does that help you?" Percival asked from up front, glancing back at him. "Knowing that it's blood, does that tell you how to break it?" Although not quite friendly, it was the first time he hadn't been openly hostile to Merlin since seeing him attack his friend.</p>
<p>Merlin's mouth tightened again. "I don't know yet. It gives me some ideas, but I need to think it through some more. I'm not an expert on mind control."</p>
<p>That sparked a question in Arthur's head, which he immediately tried to dismiss. They rode in silence for a few minutes before he admitted the question couldn't be ignored.</p>
<p>"Have you ever?"</p>
<p>Merlin looked at him quizzically. "Have I ever what?"</p>
<p>"Used your magic to control someone's mind."</p>
<p>He'd hoped for a quick "no," just as he'd hoped for it when he'd asked Merlin whether he'd ever used his magic to kill. But when Merlin's face fell and turned pale, Arthur had his answer.</p>
<p>"On who?" He kept his voice even and hard, hiding the panic he felt flaring up in him. "Me?"</p>
<p>Merlin swallowed, then spoke softly. "Only once. When Morgana attacked with Helios. You were injured, Arthur. The battle was lost, but you wouldn't leave. So I used magic to…" he paused, wincing as though the memory pained him. "…to make you. To make you do what I told you to do. I'm sorry," he added helplessly. "I didn't know what else to do."</p>
<p>"You made me leave," Arthur repeated. "And that's all you made me do?"</p>
<p>Merlin looked surprised at that question, and paused to think before answering. "I mean, it didn't wear off right away, and it kind of didn't let you make decisions for yourself, so I had to take care of you. I got you a disguise, and I kept you safe until you were yourself again."</p>
<p>"That's why Tristan thought I was a simpleton," Arthur growled in realization, and Merlin bit his lip and nodded guiltily.</p>
<p>"I was just trying to protect you," he said, and though he spoke the words quietly, Arthur heard that familiar note of stubbornness in them.</p>
<p>He didn't answer for several minutes. He didn't know what to feel, much less what to say. How could mind control be anything but unforgiveable? Arthur knew Merlin was protective of him, but he never would have dreamed he'd cross those kinds of moral boundaries. And yet, he didn't take control of the<em> king</em>. He didn't try to change the way Arthur ruled. He took control of <em>Arthur</em>, to take him to safety. Which was still wrong and a betrayal of his trust, but it didn't feel like treason.</p>
<p>Arthur finally said the only thing he could, not bothering to hide his anger as he spoke.</p>
<p>"You and I have a lot to talk about, and I have a lot to learn. But if you ever take control of my mind again, I <em>will</em> kill you."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The group traveled even slower than the day before, their pace hindered by Lancelot, who was riding while bound. He was a skilled enough horseman to manage it without issue, but no one wanted to risk his safety by pressing their speed.</p>
<p>Despite his fatigue, Arthur greatly would have preferred a more urgent pace. Slower journeys were usually filled with conversation, storytelling and joking between the close friends. But the current atmosphere was so tense, between Lancelot's assassination attempts and Merlin's sorcery, that casual conversation felt out of place. Occasional comments or side conversations broke the silence, but the day stretched painfully long and quiet. Even Gwaine didn't bother trying to fill the emptiness with his silly stories.</p>
<p>Arthur kept his eyes on Lancelot for much of the ride, battling the sense of betrayal that kept rearing up. He knew the man in front of him wasn't truly the knight he knew and trusted, but he couldn't forget the feeling of his hands wrapped around his throat, the hatred in his eyes. Lancelot had fully intended to kill him.</p>
<p>And if Merlin hadn't intervened, Lancelot would have killed him in his sleep before that.</p>
<p>Arthur had survived assassination attempts before, but he was pretty sure this was the first time one of his own knights had tried to kill him. Someone who had fought alongside him, who had sworn <em>fealty</em> to him.</p>
<p>With a start, he realized that description now applied to Merlin as well, and he glanced sideways at the man riding beside him. His servant's eyes were narrowed in concentration, staring hard at the back of his horse's neck. He didn't notice Arthur watching him, lost in his own thoughts.</p>
<p>"Any luck?" Arthur asked as the afternoon sun started to sink toward the horizon, and Merlin's look of intense focus faded with a heavy sigh.</p>
<p>"I think I've figured a few things out," Merlin admitted. The words sounded promising, but the grim set of his mouth told Arthur the news wasn't good.</p>
<p>"Like what?" Leon asked, and Merlin raised his voice slightly to make sure those riding ahead could hear him.</p>
<p>"The fact that the enchantment used blood is…not good."</p>
<p>"Because enchantments with blood are more powerful," Arthur echoed back Merlin's words from the morning, but Merlin shook his head.</p>
<p>"Yes, but not just because of that. Blood magic is more difficult. It's more unpredictable and harder to control. She could've used something else to identify the target, like hair or tears, or even a piece of clothing. They could have grabbed a comb or a sock from your chambers just as easily as they grabbed the bloody rags, but they didn't. She chose to go with blood on purpose, even though it was more difficult and more likely to fail. And that means she wanted the enchantment to do something that can <em>only </em>be done with blood."</p>
<p>Arthur felt a chill at those words. "And what would that be?"</p>
<p>"It would do more than just identify the target for Lancelot. Blood creates a connection to the living being." Merlin nodded toward Arthur. "The amulet doesn't just recognize you enough to tell Lancelot who to kill. It knows where you are. And, more importantly, it knows you're alive."</p>
<p>"Why does that matter?" Elyan asked.</p>
<p>"If she did what I think she's done – and I'm pretty sure I'm right – then the enchantment was designed so that it could only be broken by Arthur's death," Merlin explained reluctantly. "It wouldn't be enough to just trick Lancelot into <em>thinking</em> Arthur was dead, because the magic isn't just between Lancelot and the amulet. It's between all three – Lancelot, the amulet, and Arthur." Merlin rubbed the spot between his eyes, a pained look on his face. "All of which means it's very unlikely I can strip the amulet of its power or break its enchantment, which leaves me with needing to figure out a way to remove the amulet without killing Lancelot. I have a couple of ideas that might help, but nothing I feel particularly optimistic about."</p>
<p>Arthur tried to hide his frustration. His anger wouldn't help things, and the last thing Merlin needed at this point was distractions.</p>
<p>"We don't have much sunlight left," he said. "We should go ahead and set up camp. That way you can try these ideas before it gets dark." And they could be spared another demonstration of Merlin's magical floating lights.</p>
<p>They found a suitable spot a few minutes later, and as they all dismounted, Arthur gave out a few orders.</p>
<p>"Merlin, see to Lancelot. Do what you can. Gwaine, can you take care of the horses since—"</p>
<p>He broke off, several loud cries warning him of what was coming, but he couldn't turn around fast enough to stop it.</p>
<p>It wasn't a sword through his back, like he'd expected; fortunately, Lancelot hadn't managed to grab a weapon off one of the other men. No, instead the man looped his bound hands around Arthur's neck and yanked against his bruised throat, jerking him backwards. He didn't have the angle or the leverage to strangle the king, but he did pull Arthur down to the ground. Arthur managed to slide out of his grasp, turning around and quickly pinning him down, holding his tied wrists against his chest.</p>
<p>"Stop!" he commanded, but Lancelot continued to struggle underneath him.</p>
<p>"Murderer," he hissed, his eyes blazing with loathing. "Do you really think I'm just going to stand back and let you continue to kill innocent people?"</p>
<p>"I'm not going to kill anyone, Lancelot!" Arthur cried, but Lancelot just let out a bitter laugh.</p>
<p>"You may have them fooled, but you don't fool me," he hissed before spitting into Arthur's face.</p>
<p>Percival nudged Arthur and he quickly moved, scrambling away to allow the larger man to take over custody. Lancelot's eyes followed him.</p>
<p>"Lancelot," Merlin said, kneeling beside him. "Remember the amulet—"</p>
<p>"He said he'd kill you!" Lancelot interrupted, snarling as he struggled to get away from Percival. "We all heard him! This morning, he said he'd <em>kill you</em>, Merlin!"</p>
<p>"He said he'd kill me if I used mind control on him again, which I won't!" Merlin reassured him. "You know he's not going to kill me. It's an enchantment—"</p>
<p>"I will not stand by and let him kill innocent people! And I certainly will not stand by and let him kill <em>my friend!</em>"</p>
<p>In the end, they had to tie Lancelot to a tree to get him to stop trying to go after Arthur, and the man screamed himself hoarse with threats and protests. By the time he'd calmed down, the sunlight was gone, and Merlin had had no chance to try out his ideas.</p>
<p>"It's gotten worse," Arthur said quietly, joining Merlin beside the fire.</p>
<p>Merlin looked at Lancelot, tied to the tree and scowling at all of them.</p>
<p>"Yes," he agreed softly. "It has."</p>
<p>"The day of the hunt, after I heard the two of you argue, he lost his temper with me. It was strange and out of character, but he caught himself and apologized. And then this morning, you were at least able to reason with him. Now…"</p>
<p>"Now the enchantment is getting stronger," Merlin finished.</p>
<p>"What does that mean?" Arthur asked, concerned by the tension he saw on Merlin's face.</p>
<p>"It means I need to find an answer," Merlin said tightly. "Soon."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Arthur volunteered for first watch that night, although he wasn't sure it mattered which watch he took; sleep wouldn't come easily for him regardless. Not when there was someone who wanted to kill him sitting only a few yards away, and a bucketful of questions regarding magic and sorcerers still waiting in the back of his mind.</p>
<p>Granted, he suspected no one would sleep particularly well, although everyone retired early than usual. If Arthur were to guess, he'd say they were probably avoiding Merlin. By the time his servant returned from cleaning the dishes, most of them had retreated to their bedrolls. Arthur expected Merlin to do the same, but instead he came and sat down next to him.</p>
<p>"How's your throat?" Merlin eyed it with concern, and Arthur hid a smile at the familiarity of his fretting.</p>
<p>"It's fine," he said, even though it ached after Lancelot's latest attack. Merlin narrowed his eyes skeptically in response.</p>
<p>"May I…?" he asked, reaching toward him, and Arthur rolled his eyes, but he nodded. Merlin's fingers rested gently on the bruises as he squinted at them in the firelight. "May I, uh…use some light? So I can see it better?"</p>
<p>"Magical light?" Arthur asked wearily, and Merlin nodded, his eyes uncertain. Arthur sighed, then decided it wasn't worth the fight. "Fine."</p>
<p>Merlin murmured something indecipherable, and Arthur flinched as his eyes turned gold and a light appeared in his hand. He held it close to Arthur's face, leaning over to examine the bruising.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Arthur said quietly, grateful that Merlin was too focused on examining his neck to make eye contact.</p>
<p>"What?" he asked absently.</p>
<p>"Thank you," he repeated. "For saving my life this morning. More than once."</p>
<p>Merlin pulled back and gave him a hesitant smile, letting the light die. "You're welcome." He paused, but just as he opened his mouth to say more, Arthur cut him off.</p>
<p>"Don't. No spiels right now about how magic saved me. Just…I said thank you. You said you're welcome. Let that be the end of it."</p>
<p>Merlin closed his mouth again, the hint of a pout on his face, and Arthur almost wanted to laugh at how disappointed he looked.</p>
<p>"Stop pushing, Merlin," he ordered with a firm stare. "Give me some time."</p>
<p>Merlin nodded, guilt flashing briefly in his eyes. "I know you keep asking for me to shut up about it and give you space, and I'm not doing a very good job of it. It's just harder than I thought it would be."</p>
<p>Arthur eyed him curiously. "What is?"</p>
<p>Merlin picked up a stick and poked at the fire, a sad smile curling one side of his mouth. "Not talking about it, now that you know. I mean, I guess I shouldn't say it's harder than I thought it would be, because honestly I'd never really thought about it. But harder than it seems like it should be. I was really tired of keeping secrets from you, Arthur. You know me so well, and trying to hide things from you was just exhausting. And now that you know, I want to blurt out everything, just because I can. And trying to move backwards, <em>back</em> into secret-keeping mode…it's difficult."</p>
<p>Arthur thought about those words for a minute. "Do I?"</p>
<p>"Do you what?"</p>
<p>"Know you well."</p>
<p>Merlin let out a small laugh. "Yes, Arthur. You do." He sat back and studied the king for a moment, a contemplative look on his face.</p>
<p>"What?" Arthur asked, trying not to squirm under the scrutiny.</p>
<p>"You really don't know, do you?" Merlin asked softly.</p>
<p>Arthur looked away from Merlin's intense gaze; his eyes held a sadness and vulnerability Arthur didn't want to see. Not now, when he was still confused and angry. "Don't know what?"</p>
<p>"There's still a lot to tell you, Arthur. About things that have happened, and about things that are prophesied to happen still."</p>
<p>"Prophecies?" Arthur sat up straighter and looked at Merlin again, inexplicably alarmed. "What kinds of prophecies?"</p>
<p>The sadness faded from Merlin's smile, turning it hopeful. "About you. About the great things you'll do. About the great things I'll <em>help </em>you do. But one thing it says is that you and I are like two sides of the same coin. Two halves of a whole." Merlin looked down, suddenly embarrassed. "I know that's a bold thing for a servant to say to a king, but I can feel the truth of that. I always kind of assumed you felt it too, even if you didn't actually know the words from the prophecy."</p>
<p>Arthur blinked, too stunned to answer as his brain tried to process several things at once.</p>
<p>There were prophecies? About him? About him and<em> Merlin</em>?</p>
<p>That was too much to think about, so he tried to push it to the side for a moment, focusing on Merlin's point.</p>
<p>Two sides of the same coin. Arthur never would have thought those words, but Merlin wasn't entirely wrong. He <em>had</em> felt…something. Something that made those words sound reasonable and probable. But Arthur didn't see how eight years of lying fit into it.</p>
<p>"And you're saying that automatically means I know you well? Because of this coin thing?" The words came out colder than he'd intended, and Merlin winced.</p>
<p>"Not automatically," he clarified. "More like it means that I couldn't really hide who I was from you. I could hide what I do, but not who I <em>am</em>. Sometimes I think I'm more <em>me</em> around you than I am around anyone else." Merlin's ears turned pink at those words, and Arthur was half surprised he didn't follow them with a joke. Arthur thought about making a joke of his own, teasing him for the confession. But he didn't.</p>
<p>"I understand that," he said instead, his voice low. "Unfortunately."</p>
<p>Even with Gwen, Arthur didn't always feel one hundred percent himself. He knew she worried about him, and he was cautious not to share details that would make her worry more than necessary. But there was no point in hiding anything from Merlin. Whatever danger Arthur was in, Merlin was usually right beside him. And even on those occasions he <em>did</em> have to keep a secret from Merlin…well, he might have hidden information, but it had been many years since he'd hidden himself.</p>
<p>"Are you going to tell me about these prophecies?" he asked, steering the conversation into less sentimental ground.</p>
<p>"I will," Merlin said, smiling at the thought. "But maybe not tonight?" His eyes wandered back to Lancelot, who glowered at the two of them from the other side of their small camp. Arthur's stomach sank as he realized the man was squirming.</p>
<p>"He's trying to get free," he muttered, half to Merlin and half to himself.</p>
<p>"He can't help it. He's obsessed." Merlin's face tightened into a thoughtful frown. "What would you think about me using magic to make him sleep tonight?"</p>
<p>"You want to enchant a knight of Camelot?" Arthur clarified incredulously.</p>
<p>"He's already enchanted," Merlin pointed out. "Arthur, he's tried to attack you three times today. And honestly, it might be a blessing for him. The magic from the amulet might have possessed him enough that he <em>can't</em> sleep at this point."</p>
<p>Gods. How many times had Merlin done magic today right in front of Arthur? And that sparked a new question.</p>
<p>"How often do you usually use magic? Are you using it more because of Lancelot, or is this normal?"</p>
<p>Merlin thought for a minute, then asked, "How often do you scratch your nose?"</p>
<p>Arthur blinked. "I have no idea."</p>
<p>"Because you don't think about it. You just do it when you need to." Merlin said, an impish smile on his face, and Arthur groaned.</p>
<p>"Gods, you use it all the time, don't you?"</p>
<p>Merlin just shrugged, and Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Help Lancelot sleep tonight. It's not like we're in Camelot yet anyway. The laws don't apply."</p>
<p>He felt a pang of irritation at the way Merlin's face lit up. It was hard not to smile in response to an expression of such pure joy, but it felt twisted, <em>tainted</em>, because that joy came from magic.</p>
<p>"You have brought a world of complication into my life, Merlin," he said heavily, and tried to push away the guilt when Merlin's face fell.</p>
<p>"I know," he admitted. But he didn't apologize. Instead, he stood. "I'll go see to Lancelot, and then I should get some sleep. Wake me if you need me."</p>
<p>Arthur wanted to laugh at that. He wanted to say, "Why would <em>I </em>need <em>you</em>?"</p>
<p>But after the events of the day, the joke didn't seem all that funny.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin woke early, his eyes instinctively seeking out Lancelot before his mind was even awake enough to process their surroundings. Fortunately, the knight sat where he'd last seen him, tied to the tree. He wasn't straining against his ropes though, and his face seemed calm, devoid of the rage of yesterday. Glancing around, Merlin confirmed Arthur was still asleep, as far from Lancelot as he could get.</p>
<p>Yawning, Merlin made his way over to his friend and sat down beside him.</p>
<p>"'Morning," he said sleepily. "How are you feeling?"</p>
<p>"Stiff," Lancelot answered, but he gave Merlin a dry smile in return. "I don't suppose there's any chance of you untying me?"</p>
<p>Merlin considered it for a moment. The man seemed rational and cooperative, much more like his normal self. But Merlin had already seen how quickly he could launch an attack.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," he apologized, and Lancelot's smile fell. "Maybe once one of the others is awake and can help keep an eye on you."</p>
<p>The knight raised an eyebrow. "You don't think your magic would be sufficient to stop me?"</p>
<p>"I think you're very determined," Merlin said honestly. "And I don't want to take any chances."</p>
<p>Lancelot looked annoyed, but he didn't argue. Instead, he asked, "Have you figured out how to break it yet?"</p>
<p>Merlin scowled. "No. But I do have something I want to try. It won't break the spell, but I might be able to contain it to keep it from affecting you. It would buy us some time for me to figure out how to break it for good, not to mention keep you from trying to kill Arthur and lower my stress level in the meantime."</p>
<p>Lancelot shrugged as best he could, tied as he was. "Give it a try. Although I don't understand why you want to break it. Once I kill Arthur, I'll be free from the enchantment, and you'll be free from his judgment."</p>
<p>Merlin felt a wave of concern. Yesterday morning, Lancelot kept forgetting he was enchanted. When he remembered, he was disturbed, and Merlin could make him see reason. Now he acknowledged the enchantment openly, but that knowledge seemed to do nothing to temper his compulsion to kill Arthur.</p>
<p>Gods, he hoped this worked.</p>
<p>He pushed Lancelot's trouser leg up over the amulet again, then stretched his hand out over it. "<em>Heald balocræft</em>," he said, forming a shield from his magic. He fitted it snugly around the amulet and the band, sliding it between the metal and Lancelot's skin. When he finished, he studied the amulet again. It didn't look any different, and he could still feel that aura of grimy magic around it.</p>
<p>He looked up at Lancelot, whose face held an expression of thoughtful surprise.</p>
<p>"How do you feel?" Merlin asked warily.</p>
<p>"Strange," Lancelot said slowly. "Confused."</p>
<p>"Confused?"</p>
<p>"I…" Lancelot trailed off, eyes glazing over. "I think I wanted to kill Arthur. But why would I want to do that?"</p>
<p>Merlin sat back slowly, still watching him. "You don't want to kill him now?"</p>
<p>"Of course not," Lancelot said, frowning. "But I remember wanting to."</p>
<p>Merlin studied him for a moment, a number of thoughts running through his head. "But what if," he said hesitantly, "what if you were right before? With all that he's done, what if Arthur does deserve to die? What if it's the only way I'll ever be able to live without always hiding, always looking over my shoulder in fear?"</p>
<p>Lancelot's face lit up, a wild energy appearing suddenly in his eyes. "You see it too?" he asked eagerly. "He's a danger to you, Merlin, just like I said! He—"</p>
<p>"<em>Damn it!</em>" Merlin cried, flopping backwards on the ground. Lancelot's face froze, then morphed into a glare before he shifted tactics.</p>
<p>"Look, you wouldn't need to play any part of it!" Lancelot insisted, pleading now. "Just untie me and I'll handle it. There will be no blood on your hands, Merlin. You'll be innocent."</p>
<p>"I'm not untying you so you can kill Arthur," Merlin said flatly, even as he remembered his own words to Arthur the previous morning. <em>You're wasting your breath</em>. <em>He's enchanted</em>.</p>
<p>"You know, you worried me there for a moment," a voice said from several feet away, and Merlin looked over to see Gwaine, still lying on his bedroll, but his eyes alert and watchful.</p>
<p>"You thought I was actually turning on Arthur?" Merlin couldn't keep the offended tone from his voice, and Gwaine shrugged as he sat up and stretched.</p>
<p>"You're a sorcerer, Merlin. Nothing really seems farfetched after learning that."</p>
<p>"I'm still me, Gwaine," Merlin insisted. "And I'm still loyal to Arthur. And if I can ever get Lancelot freed from this damn amulet, he'll vouch for that."</p>
<p>"It's true," Lancelot piped up. "I've been watching him perform magic for years. He doesn't pretend to be someone else when he's around all of us. He's always just himself."</p>
<p>Merlin huffed, half-wishing the enchanted knight had kept quiet. "I know he doesn't carry much credibility now, but he'll say the same thing once he's better. Honest."</p>
<p>"You really think you can beat it?" Gwaine asked. "That you're more powerful than Anett?"</p>
<p>"I'm definitely more powerful than her," Merlin said with a scowl. "But this isn't just about power. Magic has rules, and she's played her move well." Looking past Gwaine, he realized Elyan was awake and listening too. "Elyan, I could use your help, if you don't mind."</p>
<p>Elyan approached him cautiously, and Merlin couldn't help feeling bitter as he noticed the knight was clearly warier of Merlin than he was of Lancelot, even though Lancelot was the one who'd actually been violent. Still, he joined Merlin without arguing or asking questions, which he supposed might be progress.</p>
<p>"I'd like a blacksmith's opinion," he said. "It's a longshot, but I'm wondering if you see anything noteworthy or any points of weakness in the band."</p>
<p>When Elyan hunched down to take a look, Merlin knew he was doing it for Lancelot and not for him. But still, it felt good to be on the same side.</p>
<p>He moved over to give Elyan more space, trying to ignore the hurt in his chest when Gwaine pulled back as Merlin came nearer.</p>
<p>"You know," Merlin said quietly, "I always figured everyone would be angry with me when they found out. But I thought if anyone would give me a chance, it would be you."</p>
<p>"You thought that, did you?" Gwaine's tone held none of its usual warmth.</p>
<p>"You didn't grow up in Camelot," Merlin pointed out, unable to keep the note of pleading out of his voice. "I knew Caerleon wasn't friendly towards magic, but I thought maybe-"</p>
<p>"I didn't learn to hate magic from the laws," Gwaine interrupted. "I learned from experience." Merlin waited, but Gwaine didn't elaborate.</p>
<p>"Will you tell me?" he prompted gently.</p>
<p>Gwaine pressed his mouth tightly and exhaled through his nose. But after a moment, he spoke. "I told you how my father died?"</p>
<p>"Fighting for Caerleon," Merlin remembered.</p>
<p>"And you know how Caerleon felt about magic?"</p>
<p>"He wasn't fond of it, but he'd use sorcerers in his armies," Merlin acknowledged.</p>
<p>"He would. My father was killed in battle. By one of Caerleon's sorcerers. He won the battle, killing thirty of his own men in the process. He was given generous rewards and a promotion. We were given condolences, and left without a penny to our name."</p>
<p>Merlin sat quietly, unsure how to respond. "Caerleon was wrong to treat your family as he did," he answered finally. "Arthur would never do such a thing."</p>
<p>Gwaine smiled bitterly. "It's not Arthur I take issue with. I've spent my whole life believing that sorcerers are rotten to the core, caring only for their own interests and gain. That the only good sorcerer is a dead sorcerer."</p>
<p>His words shocked Merlin, and they cut deep. He had considered telling Gwaine his secret on an occasion or two. Never seriously, because he always knew he had to tell Arthur before he told anyone else. But he'd been so sure of Gwaine's friendship that the idea of telling him had seemed reasonable. He'd really thought he would understand.</p>
<p>"And now?" Merlin asked quietly. "Is that still what you believe?"</p>
<p>"I believe Lancelot is enchanted," Gwaine said bluntly, "and it sounds like you're our best chance for fixing that. Beyond that…" he shook his head. "I honestly don't know what I believe, Merlin."</p>
<p>Merlin opened his mouth, but before he could reply, Gwaine gave him a dark look and called over to Elyan, "You finding anything useful?" And Merlin understood the conversation was over.</p>
<p>He moved over a few feet, letting Gwaine have the space he clearly wanted, and tried to push the troubling conversation out of his mind, redirecting his attention to the larger problem at hand.</p>
<p>As Elyan worked, Merlin thought, and an idea began to take shape. An idea with two parts. A truly awful idea, but the only one he'd had so far that he believed might actually work.</p>
<p>Arthur would hate the first part. They all would. <em>Merlin</em> hated it, come to that.</p>
<p>And the second part? Well…if all went according to plan, no one would ever need to know the second part.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Arthur woke to see Lancelot untied, but Gwaine once again standing with his sword pointed to his chest. It was Elyan lying on his stomach this morning, examining the cuff while Merlin watched fixedly from a few feet away.</p>
<p>"He's a little better this morning," Leon said, taking a seat beside him. "Calmer. But just as hellbent on killing you. Gwaine said he tried to trick Merlin earlier, pretending Merlin had succeeded in doing something to neutralize the magic in the hopes he'd untie him."</p>
<p>"So he's less frantic and more conniving," Arthur said, running a hand over his face. "Great."</p>
<p>A few minutes later, Merlin joined them, leaving the other knights to look after their captive. Arthur watched as Gwaine said something and they all laughed, including Lancelot.</p>
<p>"How is it that he's the same in so many ways?" he asked as Merlin sat down. "When I'm not close by, I could swear it's the same Lancelot."</p>
<p>"It's a very specific enchantment," Merlin said. "And cleverly done."</p>
<p>"How so?"</p>
<p>"It's hard to make people act against their nature," he explained. "To just make Lancelot hate you, that would have been very difficult magic. But Anett tapped into his protective instincts. And if I'm right, specifically tapped into his protectiveness over me. She just used magic to amplify those instincts so they overtake everything else, and then used magic again to persuade him that you're a threat to me. He is, in essence, still the same Lancelot. Just…out of balance."</p>
<p>Arthur didn't know which was worse. He felt like he should be grateful Lancelot was still essentially himself, but that made it even harder not to feel betrayed by the man's hatred.</p>
<p>"It's getting worse though," Merlin said, his jaw set in a worried frown. "I think I'm running out of time. The more the magic takes hold, the harder it will be to break. And if it goes too long, even if I break the amulet…" he trailed off briefly before forcing the rest of the words out. "It's possible the magic will change who he is. That he truly would feel that hatred of you, enchantment or no enchantment."</p>
<p>Arthur could hear the fear in his voice, and he was torn between pity for Merlin and frustration. Because even though he knew it was unfair, he couldn't help but question what good it was for Merlin to have magic – for Merlin to have lied and hidden and lied some more, for <em>years</em> – if he couldn't fix this?</p>
<p>"I take it your ideas from yesterday didn't work?"</p>
<p>"No. And Elyan said the band is perfectly crafted. Seamless and strong. Not that I thought it could be broken by non-magical means anyway, but I thought if he saw a weakness in it, I might be able to focus on that, exploit it…" he sighed, slouching defeatedly.</p>
<p>"So we're running out of time and no one has any ideas," Arthur said flatly, and to his surprise, Merlin laughed. It was a bitter, unhappy sound.</p>
<p>"Oh, I have an idea. But not a good one."</p>
<p>"A bad idea is better than no idea," Arthur said with a glibness he didn't feel. "Let's hear it."</p>
<p>But Merlin shook his head. "Give me a few more hours to work on it. I'll tell you at lunch. Or, hopefully, I'll tell you about a different, much better idea I have between now and then."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Let me make sure I understand this correctly," Leon said that afternoon. "You want us to prevent Lancelot from killing Arthur…by letting <em>you</em> kill Arthur instead?"</p>
<p>Merlin squirmed, but he didn't blink as he held Arthur's stare. "Only temporarily. Kind of like we did that time to break the troll's spell on your father, remember?"</p>
<p>Arthur did remember. He didn't love the idea then, and he liked it even less now.</p>
<p>"You just carry poisons and antidotes around with you, do you?" he asked, although part of him wasn't even surprised. But Merlin corrected him.</p>
<p>"Not poisons. I do have a few antidotes, just in case, but they won't do us any good for this particular situation."</p>
<p>"So how do we pretend I'm dead without a poison?"</p>
<p>Merlin took a shaky breath, his face pale. It was a toned-down version of how he looked the night he confessed his magic, actually.</p>
<p>Arthur prepared himself to hate whatever Merlin was about to propose.</p>
<p>"I would use magic to slow your heart," he said. "To slow it a lot. Well, stop it, really. Once the amulet believes you're dead, it should accept the enchantment is complete. It'll break, someone will get it off of Lancelot, and then I'll use magic again to return your heart to normal."</p>
<p>"You're mad," Elyan said flatly, and Merlin had the wisdom not to argue.</p>
<p>"I know it's extreme," he admitted. "But right now, it's all I have."</p>
<p>"I have an idea," Leon spoke up. "But you're probably going to hate it just as much as Merlin's idea."</p>
<p>Arthur gestured for him to proceed. Why not hear another terrible idea? This entire week, from the moment they'd stepped through the doors of Anett's castle, had been nothing but crises and bad news. Why should this conversation be any different?</p>
<p>"Merlin, you've had physician's training. And you know magic," Leon began. "Could you…well, if you can't cut through the amulet, could you cut through Lancelot's leg? I know it's something physicians have done for battle wounds in the past."</p>
<p>Merlin's face transitioned from pale to green. "Cut off his <em>leg</em>?" he asked incredulously. "Are <em>you</em> mad?"</p>
<p>"Not all of his leg," Leon pointed out. "Just from the amulet down." He had the good grace to look down guiltily at Merlin's answering glare.</p>
<p>"It would remove the amulet," Elyan acknowledged, although he looked a little queasy himself. "And it wouldn't involve risking the life of the king."</p>
<p>Leon was right. Arthur hated this idea just as much.</p>
<p>"I'm <em>not</em> removing his leg," Merlin said stubbornly. "Not a chance."</p>
<p>"Well, you're certainly not killing the king," Leon snapped back, and Arthur held a hand up for silence before a real fight could break out.</p>
<p>"We have two ideas. Both truly terrible ideas, I must admit. But they're all we have. Let's take some time to think on them before we start choosing sides."</p>
<p>By which he meant, <em>I need time to think on them before I decide</em>. Because ultimately, he knew he'd have to make the decision. The knights could argue or protest all they wanted, but in the end, Merlin would do what Arthur said.</p>
<p>He paused at that thought. He had no doubt it was true; Merlin, as insolent and insubordinate and stubborn as he was, would obey Arthur in this. Arthur found it strange that he knew this without a doubt, considering Merlin had so blatantly defied his order to run. And yet, Arthur felt certain Merlin would submit in this. Because ultimately, he served his king.</p>
<p>They returned to their horses, and Percival once again helped Lancelot get settled, his hands bound in front of him. But while the others prepared to mount, Lancelot took the window of opportunity, showing what a skilled horseman he really was. Even without the reins, he easily directed his horse towards Arthur and charged full speed. Arthur barely even registered what was happening before Merlin intervened, conjuring a snake from nowhere. The horse spooked just before it reached Arthur, rearing and throwing Lancelot, and Merlin had to move quickly again to cushion the man's fall. Even with the help of Merlin's magic, the landing looked anything but pleasant.</p>
<p>It was over in seconds. In the time it took Arthur to even understand the situation, Merlin had used magic twice, protecting him and protecting Lancelot.</p>
<p>How many lives had the man saved in eight years? How many times had he saved <em>him</em>?</p>
<p>As Merlin and Percival hovered over Lancelot, making sure he was okay even while trying to keep him from launching another attack, Arthur noticed the bags under Merlin's eyes. His servant looked exhausted and his face creased with worry in a way that belied his youth. An unexpected pang of pity struck him, and he pushed it away.</p>
<p>Arthur didn't issue an actual order, but somehow by unspoken agreement everyone understood they were done traveling for the day. Lancelot's attack reminded Arthur they were running out of time, and he needed to focus on making a decision.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Arthur said, grabbing Merlin's arm as his servant walked past. "Again."</p>
<p>Merlin nodded, and Arthur saw the guilt hiding behind his concern.</p>
<p>"It's not your fault, Merlin. Anett did this. Not you."</p>
<p>"I should have protected him," Merlin protested. "I should have protected you."</p>
<p>"You just did, didn't you? And I'd wager you've protected us both in the past as well."</p>
<p>"All it takes is one failure," Merlin said quietly. "And I failed twice."</p>
<p>"You didn't curse him," Arthur insisted, giving his arm a sharp shake. "Stop taking credit for what you didn't do."</p>
<p>Merlin nodded again, and Arthur gave up for the moment. The man was more stubborn than anyone he'd ever known. He watched Merlin walk away, then sighed and turned toward the woods.</p>
<p>"Where are you going?" Leon asked, half-rising from where he sat, but Arthur waved him off.</p>
<p>"A walk. By myself. Don't worry, I'll stay close."</p>
<p>The knight narrowed his eyes, and Arthur thought he might argue about the wisdom of the king wandering around by himself. But he gave him a curt nod and sat back down.</p>
<p>Arthur kept to his word and didn't go far; just far enough for the camp to be out of sight.</p>
<p>No Lancelot, with all of his hatred, and no Merlin, with all of his earnestness and lies. Just trees and dirt and no one trying to kill him. And so, reluctantly, he turned his mind to the problem at hand.</p>
<p>He didn't want to die. Not even temporarily. He definitely didn't want to temporarily die by magic. But if Merlin's idea worked, then the curse would be defeated, and no lasting damage done. Of course, if his plan failed and Arthur died…well, Arthur would be dead. Which was something he hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about, but in general tried rather hard to avoid. He wanted to see Camelot again. He wanted to see Guinevere again. He wanted many more years as a king and a husband.</p>
<p>But Leon's plan…Lancelot could die. Merlin was an adequate physician for minor things, but he was no Gaius. And even if he didn't die, if everything went <em>perfectly</em>, he would still lose a leg. His days as a knight would be over.</p>
<p>Lancelot, who had always dreamed of a knighthood. Who had trained and fought his entire life for a chance to be a knight of Camelot.</p>
<p>A kingdom with no king. A knight with no leg. Arthur knew which route made the most sense. Some risks were acceptable, and some weren't.</p>
<p>And yet, it wasn't just <em>a knight</em>. It was Lancelot.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know I raised some questions, and perhaps ruffled some feathers, with Gwaine's behavior in this story (although more over at FFNet than here, I think), and I'm sure this chapter will only add to that. So I figured I would go ahead and share some thoughts on his character. My apologies in advance for such a long note.</p>
<p>In a lot of fanfic -mine included - Gwaine is portrayed as being pretty much neutral on the issue of magic, perhaps with a slight positive lean, until he finds out Merlin has magic. Then he's 100% onboard. OR, he's portrayed as being pro-magic to start with. But as I've done some rewatching, followed by some in-depth examination of show transcripts, that's actually not how Gwaine is in canon. There's very little to indicate his views on magic one way or the other, but the little there is points negative. For example, in The Disir, he calls Osgar "a sorcerer, a heretic and a murderer," and he's pretty enthusiastically anti-Dragoon as well (which you could argue is because of the thing with Gwen, but anyone with half of a brain should have realized by then that since Gwen and Arthur weren't actually enchanted, Dragoon didn't do anything to them...although half of a brain is admittedly a lot to expect from Merlin characters). I would say Gwaine in canon is at best neutral toward magic with a slight negative lean, and honestly more likely in the realm of moderately to wholeheartedly anti-magic.</p>
<p>So with all of that in mind, Gwaine really could have all of the same negative reactions we see from Arthur throughout fanfic - anger at the lies and secrets (especially since Gwaine trusted Merlin with his own secrets), mixed with distrust because Merlin appears to be involved in something that only leads to evil. And I think I tend to ignore that because my focus is always on Arthur and Merlin's relationship, but honestly, Gwaine has a right to feelings too.</p>
<p>Which leads us to this fic...I wanted to try to explore what it might look like for Gwaine not to respond as well. Which could only happen in a fic where Arthur DOESN'T freak out, because angry or not, I think Gwaine would protect Merlin if he thought he was in danger. But without Arthur freaking out, Gwaine has the room to be genuinely hurt and angry.</p>
<p>(Side note: I still think the more common reading of Gwaine's character is totally valid, because I can see him saying, "Magic is evil. Wait, Merlin has magic? Huh. Okay. Magic is definitely not evil. Fight me.")</p>
<p>And those are my thoughts on Gwaine. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So as I was editing, I found there were certain things at the end of the story that felt a little rushed. I tried to fix it, and eventually decided to add an epilogue. And as I was working on it, I had thoughts and ideas, and one thing led to another, and long story short, I'm about halfway through a sequel. Oops.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur didn't know how long he spent wandering the woods with his thoughts, making loose circles around camp. It had to be at least an hour. But eventually, he made his way back, decision made.</p><p>When he was about twenty yards outside of camp, he changed his mind.</p><p>About thirty seconds later, he changed it back.</p><p>As he drew near, he spotted Lancelot, once again tied to a tree, Merlin perched beside him. Arthur paused, wondering whether he should circle around and approach from the other side so he didn't have to walk straight past them and potentially rile the knight up again.</p><p>"I just don't understand," he heard Lancelot say, the sincerity in his voice undeniable. "Don't you <em>want</em> to be free, Merlin?"</p><p>"Of course," Merlin answered without hesitation, laughing unhappily. "More than you can imagine."</p><p>Lancelot tried to lean closer, although his ropes didn't allow him much room to move. "Look, you wouldn't have to hurt him. I would take care of everything. All I need you to do is loosen the ropes, and then I can ensure you spend the rest of your life free of fear."</p><p>Merlin gave Lancelot a sad smile. "It's strange," he said, and Lancelot raised his eyebrows.</p><p>"What's strange?"</p><p>"That I can miss you so much when you're sitting right in front of me."</p><p>Lancelot looked offended at that. "I'm still the same person, Merlin. This 'enchantment,' as you call it, has just opened my eyes. It has forced me to admit things I already knew and just didn't want to accept."</p><p>"No," Merlin argued softly. "You're more changed than you know. The real Lancelot would know I would die before betraying Arthur. And I would die to protect him. He will be the greatest king Camelot has ever known. You believed that once."</p><p>"I believed in a lie," Lancelot insisted.</p><p>Merlin's jaw tightened and he stood. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you. And I'm sorry I haven't saved you yet. But I promise, I'm trying to find a way."</p><p>He walked away before Lancelot could answer, leaving the knight scowling at his retreating back.</p><p>Arthur looked back and forth between Lancelot and Merlin and sighed, changing his mind yet again.</p>
<hr/><p>Arthur gathered the group in a circle, with the exception of Lancelot, who remained tied up just out of earshot. Merlin took a seat by his side, uncomfortably aware of the skeptical glances the knights sent his way.</p><p>"If anyone has other ideas or wants to argue for one solution or the other, now's the time to do it," Arthur said bluntly.</p><p>Elyan spoke up at once. "I say we wait until we get back to Camelot, then have Gaius remove the amulet."</p><p>"You mean remove the leg," Percival clarified, his face unreadable. Elyan winced, but nodded.</p><p>"It's the least risky plan. Gaius is the best physician in Camelot; I don't believe Lancelot would be in any danger. And it would break the enchantment."</p><p>Arthur shook his head. "That's not an option. We don't have that much time." He nodded to Merlin, who explained.</p><p>"An enchantment like this…the longer it lasts, the more it sinks it. I believe it will start to change Lancelot. His hatred for Arthur will become genuine, not merely exist because of magic." He paused for a moment, forcing his voice to remain even with his next words. "I fear we're already reaching that point. I can't reason with him anymore; he knows he's enchanted, but he doesn't care. I don't know how much time we have, but Camelot is still days away. That will definitely be too long."</p><p>"Could you do it?" Arthur asked him, his voice quiet. "If I asked this of you, could you do it without killing him?"</p><p>Merlin's stomach sank. He didn't know if he could do this. If he could ruin his friend's life. If he could punish him forever for a mistake that had been Merlin's to start with.</p><p>But that wasn't what Arthur was asking. He was asking if he had the skill to do it.</p><p>Merlin's face tightened and he looked away, but he nodded. "Yes, Arthur. As long as I could use my magic to help me, I could do it."</p><p>"He'd never fight again," Percival said in a flat voice, and was met with silence. No one could argue that point, and everyone understood the implications of it.</p><p>"And the other idea," Arthur said with a wince. "Could you do that too?"</p><p>"Yes," Merlin answered immediately. "You would be in no danger, Arthur. I'm certain of it."</p><p>Arthur would not die. Merlin could, and would, make sure of that.</p><p>The king studied his face, and Merlin met his gaze frankly. He knew Arthur didn't fully trust him. Not anymore. But he needed Arthur to believe him this time.</p><p>After a moment, Arthur sighed, then nodded towards the knights. "Convince them," he said.</p><p>Merlin pulled back, startled. He hadn't expected that. Convince the <em>knights</em>? A quick glance at them told him what an impossible task that would be. Not one of them had looked at him the same – not one of them had even looked <em>friendly</em> – since they'd woken to see him fighting Lancelot with magic.</p><p>"Arthur," he protested, turning back to him, "this is your choice!"</p><p>But Arthur shook his head. "It's my choice, but I value the counsel of my knights. And if there's one thing I've proven this week, it's that our friendship apparently renders me incapable of being objective on matters concerning you."</p><p>Merlin's eyes fell closed in dread. Arthur wasn't going to waver on this.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, he turned to the knights again, who had each managed to find some piece of ground or a dust spec in the air more interesting to look at than Merlin.</p><p>"You all know me," Merlin began, and Gwaine let out a snort. "You <em>do</em>. You might not have known I have magic, but you know <em>me</em>. You know I would do anything to protect Arthur. If I wanted to see him dead, I could have killed him a thousand times during the past eight years."</p><p>Leon shifted uneasily, and Merlin realized that might not have been a wise thing to say, but he pushed on.</p><p>"I could have just stood back and let Lancelot put a sword through him while he slept. But I have <em>always</em> done whatever was in my power to protect Arthur first, and then to protect all of you. I would never risk Arthur's life. I wouldn't even suggest this if I wasn't sure I could do it."</p><p>Leon would be the last to agree; that was a given. He and Lancelot may be friends, but he would never risk Arthur's safety for the sake of a knight. Elyan watched him with hard eyes, his mind already made up. Gwaine…normally, Gwaine would be the first to side with Merlin. He'd always seen the best in him.</p><p>But Percival…</p><p>Percival had been Lancelot's friend long before he even knew the rest of them. He had followed Lancelot to a kingdom he didn't know, to fight for a king he'd never met, because of their friendship. And now, Percival was the only one daring to dart glances at Merlin as he spoke.</p><p>If he couldn't persuade Percival, he couldn't persuade any of them.</p><p>He focused in on the quietest of the knights. "Arthur would be safe," he promised. "But if we take Lancelot's leg, it would destroy him. And I think Lancelot has done enough for Camelot that he deserves better than that."</p><p>Percival finally looked up, meeting his eyes for several seconds before looking away again. "He does deserve better than that," he agreed in a low voice. "You're certain, Merlin? You can save Lancelot without harming Arthur?"</p><p>"I'm certain," Merlin said firmly.</p><p>After several seconds, he took a deep breath and nodded. "If you're absolutely sure Arthur would be safe, then I think we should go with the other option."</p><p>When Percival looked back, he gave Merlin a small nod, and Merlin saw something in his eyes he hadn't expected; unless he was mistaken, Percival looked at him with gratitude.</p><p>That had been easier than he expected. Merlin tried not to let his relief show on his face, and prayed Percival had cleared the path for the others. He shifted his attention to the knight who had been among his closest friends.</p><p>"Gwaine," he said softly, and the man turned his face away. "Please, Gwaine. You of all people know what I would do for Arthur. What I <em>have</em> done for him. Have you ever seen any sign that I want to do anything but help him?"</p><p>Gwaine pressed his lips into a thin line. "What I've seen means very little, considering how skilled you apparently are at deception," he said tightly.</p><p>"I know you're angry," Merlin acknowledged. "But <em>you</em> <em>still know me</em>. Look at me. Please."</p><p>Gwaine finally looked up, and the moment his eyes met Merlin's, the bitterness seemed to crumble. Merlin saw in his eyes all of the emotions he had once feared seeing in Arthur's: hurt and betrayal and doubt, and even a little bit of fear. Merlin's stomach turned knowing he was the source of his friend's pain. But at least he was making eye contact.</p><p>"Don't let Lancelot suffer because of my wrongs," he said softly, and Gwaine exhaled sharply. The two men stared at each other, Merlin silently begging. And after a long moment, Gwaine let out a huff and sat back.</p><p>"All right," he said, raising his hands. "If you're sure, then…fine."</p><p>It wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement, but Merlin would take it. Now onto the two he knew would be harder to crack.</p><p>"Elyan?" he said softly.</p><p>"You're mad, Merlin," the knight said flatly. "You're <em>all</em> mad. How can you even ask me to support a plan that involves killing the king?"</p><p>"I swear, I will not let him die. Why would I protect him all this time only to kill him now?"</p><p>"Maybe because now he knows the truth about you," Elyan suggested. "You're guilty of a capital crime. That sounds like a good reason to me."</p><p>"He only knows because I told him," Merlin pointed out. "And he's promised he won't harm me."</p><p>"He could still banish you."</p><p>"And you think I wouldn't be banished – or worse – if I killed him?"</p><p>Elyan fell silent at that, turning to look at Arthur. But the king's face remained stoic, leaving Elyan to make up his own mind. The knight turned to look at Lancelot instead, glowering at them from across the clearing.</p><p>"I have no counsel to provide, Arthur," he said finally. "I see the merits and the risks of both options. I will support you in either choice."</p><p>Merlin had hoped for better. Leon would be a harder sell if he didn't have the rest of the knights on his side, but he could tell Elyan would budge no further.</p><p>He turned to Leon, who held up a hand before he even started talking.</p><p>"No, Merlin."</p><p>Merlin's face fell. Leon wasn't even going to give him a chance.</p><p>"Hear me out," the knight continued gently. "Despite everything, I don't believe you're evil. You may be a sorcerer and a liar, and believe me, I have a multitude of concerns about that. But I cannot deny your loyalty to the king. It is not your intentions that I question. But I cannot advise the king to do something so risky, and it troubles me that you would even ask it of him. Lancelot is a knight, and it is a knight's duty to protect their king. If Lancelot were in his right mind, he would say the same."</p><p>"Yes," Arthur spoke up before Merlin could reply. "It is. And he would. And it is a king's duty to protect his people." He took a shaky breath, then looked at Leon with resolve. "I will not choose to grievously harm a man who has served me faithfully so that I may protect myself. Camelot deserves a king who puts his people first."</p><p>"Sire—" Leon protested, but Arthur just smiled at him, although it didn't reach his eyes. Then he turned to Merlin.</p><p>"All right. Let's do this."</p>
<hr/><p>It would be fine. Merlin knew what he was doing. It would be absolutely fine.</p><p>Kill Arthur. Remove the amulet. Un-kill Arthur.</p><p>It would be fine.</p><p>Elyan and Percival sat beside Lancelot, who was snoring softly, his head leaning back against the tree. Merlin had used a particularly strong sleep enchantment; the last thing he wanted was for Lancelot to wake up partway through. If he looked around and saw a bunch of knights sitting and watching as Merlin "killed" Arthur, he'd immediately know the death wasn't real. And since the magic of the amulet connected to both Lancelot and Arthur, it was possible that knowledge would prevent the spell from recognizing Arthur's death as quickly.</p><p>Merlin sat on the ground several yards away from them, trying to keep himself from nervously watching Arthur as he waited. The king stood at the far side of the clearing, staring into the woods and trying to mentally prepare himself to die.</p><p>To die <em>temporarily</em>.</p><p>Merlin refocused on the task at hand, clearing his throat to gather the knights' attention. "Once the amulet breaks, you must remove it as quickly as possible," he instructed Elyan and Percival. "I can't reverse my magic on Arthur until it's off. And move it as far away from him as you can."</p><p>Percival nodded his understanding, and Merlin let himself be encouraged by the lack of skepticism on his face. His expression held only determination.</p><p>Merlin heard footsteps approach from behind him, and his stomach flipped nervously as he turned to see Leon.</p><p>"Merlin," the knight said quietly, crouching on one knee beside him. "Please don't do this." His voice was low and pleading. "I know you're loyal to Arthur. I know you don't really want to risk his life. <em>Please</em>."</p><p>"It's his choice, Leon." Merlin gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Trust me – I <em>wouldn't</em> risk his life. Just like you said."</p><p>"It doesn't have to be Arthur's choice," Leon argued. "If you said you weren't sure, if you encouraged him to go with the other option, he'd agree."</p><p>Merlin didn't let himself blink as he met Leon's stare, willing the knight to see the truth in his eyes. "I will not risk Arthur's life. I promise."</p><p>Leon pressed his lips into a tight line and looked away, shaking his head. When he looked back at Merlin, he had the impassive face of a stranger.</p><p>Not just a stranger. A knight, stoic and faithful to his duty. Merlin could find no trace of friendship in his eyes.</p><p>"If this goes poorly…" he warned, his hand drifting to the hilt of his sword, and Merlin nodded his understanding.</p><p>"Believe me, Leon," he answered softly. "If I were to kill Arthur, I would consider your sword a mercy."</p><p>Leon looked more disturbed than pleased by that answer. He stood and resumed the path he'd been pacing behind Merlin. Merlin heard the knight unsheathe his sword as he walked, and he knew he wouldn't sheath it again until this was over and Leon knew Arthur was alive.</p><p>"Once I start," Merlin said, raising his voice and glancing around to include all of the knights, "I can't stop it until it's done. You can't distract me, and you absolutely <em>cannot</em> try to stop me if you suddenly get cold feet about the whole thing. If I'm disrupted, it could cost Arthur his life. Does everyone understand that?"</p><p>Three heads nodded, but Leon just buried his face in his hand and said, "I can't believe he even seriously considered this, much less decided to do it."</p><p>"Leon," Merlin pressed. "Please give me your word you won't interrupt. No matter what."</p><p>Leon sighed and flung out his free arm in exasperation. "Fine."</p><p>"Gwaine," Merlin said, turning to the knight sitting across from him. "Would you be willing to move behind me? I'd rather not risk the distraction of being able to see anyone's reactions."</p><p>Gwaine nodded and stood. As he passed Merlin, he paused to rest his hand on his shoulder. "You can do this," he said quietly, giving it a brief squeeze.</p><p>The words came out stiff and awkward, devoid of warmth, but gods, they soothed Merlin's very soul. He didn't know if Gwaine meant them or if he just <em>wanted</em> to mean them, but it didn't matter. Some of the anxious restlessness that had occupied his mind since that first fight calmed just a little bit.</p><p>Movement caught Merlin's eye, and he turned to see Arthur rejoining them, looking decidedly pale, but determined.</p><p><em>From now on, it's just me and Arthur. The others aren't here. The others don't even exist</em>.</p><p>He couldn't afford to worry about what they were thinking or how they were reacting to what he was doing. Until this was done, no one could matter but Arthur.</p><p>"Ready?" Merlin asked, shifting up so he was kneeling, and Arthur gave a short nod in reply.</p><p>Merlin could see the fear in his eyes as he lay down in front of him, mixed with bitterness and frustration.</p><p>This wasn't how Arthur faced challenges. He protected others with a sword, by going out and fighting with strength and aggression. Merlin knew lying down like this, offering himself as a passive tool to protect Lancelot, frightened him far more than facing a battle.</p><p>Merlin reached out a hand unthinkingly and rested it on Arthur's head, almost, but not quite, brushing his hair back.</p><p>"Arthur," he said quietly, and waited for the king to look at him. "You will see Camelot again. You will see Gwen again. You will be a royal prat for many years to come. I swear on my own life, I will not let you die."</p><p><em>Trust me</em>. Merlin wanted to say the words, but couldn't bring himself to. He feared speaking them aloud would just remind Arthur how much he <em>didn't</em> trust Merlin anymore.</p><p>But some of the trepidation in Arthur's face seemed to settle, and he gave Merlin the trace of a smile before swallowing and looking up at the sky, bracing himself for what was to come.</p><p>Merlin stroked his thumb very slightly along Arthur's head, like he had done many times to comfort a fussy child as Gaius treated them. "There will be two parts to this. The first one is just a protection spell to help make this safer for you. Once that's done, I'll do the spell to slow your heart. All right?"</p><p>Another curt nod, and then Merlin began.</p><p>He had found this spell in his book months ago. He'd practiced it on Arthur a few times, just to ensure he could do it, but the enchantment didn't hold long, and they had never encountered a situation where such a short-lived spell would actually be helpful. Besides, it was difficult to perform, demanded perfect focus, and required a great deal of magic.</p><p>But for this strange circumstance, it was nearly perfect.</p><p>Merlin kept his left hand resting on the crown of Arthur's head, and reached his right hand out to hover over his chest. He felt his magic stir, answering his summons eagerly as it sensed his anxiety.</p><p>"<em>Becnyte aldor mec. Bemúte cwealmbealu. Aldor bemúte aldor. Cwealmbealu bemúte cwealmbealu.</em>"</p><p>Just as it had when he'd practiced, the magic swirled and readied itself, but didn't release. The spell was formed, attached to Arthur, eager to move into the king if Merlin should need it.</p><p>Hopefully he wouldn't.</p><p>Merlin paused. "All right, Arthur. Now onto part two. Try to relax. You'll fall asleep, and when you wake up, the enchantment will be broken. Lancelot will be free, and everything will be back to normal."</p><p><em>Well. Normal-ish. I'll still be a sorcerer</em>.</p><p>And unless Merlin was mistaken, the slight curl of Arthur's mouth meant he'd had the same thought.</p><p>Merlin had referred to this part as a spell, but it wasn't really. Not in the conventional sense of the term. He didn't know any incantations for controlling a heartbeat. This would be all instinct.</p><p>He took two deep breaths to calm himself, then reached out with his magic. It was surprisingly easy to find Arthur's heartbeat amidst all the life and noise around him. He could sense the other knights, the trees, the bugs, even the grass. But Arthur was the other side of the coin, and Merlin could spot his source of life as easily as he could spot the sun on a clear day.</p><p>And just as he'd hoped, merging his magic with the heartbeat came naturally. There was no struggle, no finagling. The two simply melded into one, a heart full of magic, beating steadily. Vaguely, Merlin heard Arthur gasp, a sharp, panicked sound, and his thumb began moving again, gentle and soothing.</p><p><em>Slower</em>, Merlin softly urged, and the magic hesitated, lagging behind the pace of the heart and pulling the heart back with it. He didn't force it, didn't rush it. He waited until they were in sync again, then repeated himself.</p><p>
  <em>Slower.</em>
</p><p>Thud-thump. Thud-thump.</p><p><em>Slower</em>.</p><p>Thud-thump. Thud thump.</p><p>
  <em>That's it. It's okay. Nothing bad is happening. Nothing scary. Nothing dangerous.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Slower.</em>
</p><p>A low murmuring briefly distracted him, and he realized it was his own voice, chanting words he didn't remember choosing. Pushing it aside, he turned his attention back to his king.</p><p>He felt a stirring and realized with a sedate shock that it was Arthur's spirit, restless in a body that drifted toward death.</p><p><em>No, no</em>, he reassured it gently. <em>There's no need to go anywhere. Rest where you are.</em> He felt it settle again, still alert and curious, but steady.</p><p>
  <em>Slower.</em>
</p><p>Seconds stretched between each beat. Long seconds that made a chill creep up Merlin's spine, even as he soothed Arthur with his magic. He knew without opening his eyes that his king's chest had ceased to move, his lungs no longer pulling in air. His spirit began to shift again, uncomfortable in the too-still body.</p><p><em>No</em>, Merlin reprimanded it, more firmly this time. <em>Only a little longer. Stay.</em></p><p>It settled again, but not as calmly. It reminded Merlin of Arthur's youngest dog, the one who would obey commands, but practically vibrated with contained energy as he did so, longing to break free.</p><p>But his magic still held Arthur's heart, and it was still vibrant and warm. Just sleeping, resting in the hold of magic. Not beating at all.</p><p>And Merlin realized with a shudder that he had done it.</p><p>The king was dead.</p><p>Behind him, he heard a cry, then a frantic mix of Elyan and Percival's voices.</p><p>"Look!"</p><p>"Quick, get it off!"</p><p>"Gently…"</p><p>"Ow! It's hot!"</p><p>"There!"</p><p>And then, finally, "<em>DONE!</em>"</p><p><em>Beat</em>.</p><p>It wasn't an order. Arthur's heart wasn't nearly as difficult to wake as Arthur himself could be. All it needed was a gentle nudge.</p><p>Thud-thump.</p><p>
  <em>There you go. Easy, now. Not too fast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beat.</em>
</p><p>Merlin's magic kept a hold, encouraging it, nudging it along as it woke. With each heartbeat, he could feel Arthur's spirit calming, nestling back into its home, satisfied that life was returning to his body. Underneath it all, he still heard his own murmuring, words moving in a mindless rhythm.</p><p>
  <em>Beat. There you go.</em>
</p><p>Merlin eased back, allowing his magic to stay, but letting the heart find its own rhythm. He dropped his arm, his hand finding Arthur's and clutching it tightly. The seconds between each beat shortened, until finally the king took a gasping breath.</p><p>But still Merlin didn't let go, leaving his magic in place to let life return slowly, careful so that it didn't hurt or overwhelm him.</p><p><em>Gentle</em>, he encouraged the eager heart. <em>Gentle</em>.</p><p>Until finally, he felt Arthur's hand squeeze back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know I am WAY behind at replying to comments, and I'm sorry! I'm trying to get everything posted by Sunday so I can take a couple of weeks off to focus on family during the holidays. I AM reading them, and I WILL reply, I promise! Just...not promptly. :(</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur wasn't sure he'd ever wake again.</p>
<p>Merlin had seemed so certain, it was hard to doubt him. But men were not meant to return from death, and as darkness overtook him, Arthur couldn't help but wonder if Merlin overestimated his own power.</p>
<p>When he returned, the first thing his mind recognized wasn't the touch of the breeze or the hardness of the ground, but the gentle murmuring of Merlin's voice. And then as he registered the warmth of the sun, he recognized the words from Merlin, gentle and rhythmic, like a chant.</p>
<p>In a moment of confusion, he wondered if it was the spell. But it couldn't be, because these were real words. Words Arthur knew.</p>
<p>"I, Merlin, son of Hunith, pledge loyalty to Camelot and to its king all the days of my life," Merlin recited in a voice so low, Arthur half-wondered if it was his imagination. "I solemnly swear to use my skills and abilities faithfully in Camelot's service and for her good, and never for her harm."</p>
<p>Then his eyes saw the warm red of the back of his eyelids, and he felt a gentle pressure on his head and a tighter pressure on his hand. Merlin's touch. He knew he should move, should say something, should reassure them all he was alive.</p>
<p>But he waited. Just for a moment. Because selfishly, he wanted to hear the rest. He wanted to hear the sorcerer speak those words one more time.</p>
<p>"I swear, on my life, fealty to my king in all things. I have always been, and will forever be, loyal to you," Merlin breathed. Then, to Arthur's surprise, he started again. "I, Merlin, son of Hunith…"</p>
<p>Arthur tried to speak, but discovered his mouth didn't quite work yet. Instead, he tested his fingers, and found he was able to squeeze Merlin's hand. The words broke off abruptly.</p>
<p>"Arthur?" he asked softly.</p>
<p>Arthur tried again, but all that came out was a low moan. A moment later, a shadow fell over him.</p>
<p>"That's okay, don't rush it," Merlin murmured, and Arthur felt his hand move across his hair, as though he were a child. "You're okay. Just let it come naturally."</p>
<p>"He's alive!"</p>
<p>"Yes, Leon." Arthur could hear the smile in Merlin's voice. "He's alive. Aren't you, Arthur?"</p>
<p>Arthur tried to speak again, managing this time to get a few weak words out. "Feel like death." But even as he spoke, he felt his strength coming back. He wasn't in pain; just tired. Forcing his eyes open, he saw three faces hovering over him. Leon looked nearly giddy with relief, while Gwaine grinned triumphantly.</p>
<p>And Merlin…Merlin looked exhausted and excited and dazed and…</p>
<p>And disbelieving.</p>
<p>"It worked," he said, lifting his hand from Arthur's head to run it over his face. "Gods, I can't believe it worked."</p>
<p>Arthur tried to sit up at that, but found he wasn't quite strong enough yet. Fortunately, Leon took on all of the anger Arthur felt rising up, but couldn't quite express.</p>
<p>"What do you mean, <em>you can't believe it worked?</em>" the knight demanded in horror. "You swore there was no danger in it!"</p>
<p>Merlin's eyes widened as he realized what he'd said. "There wasn't!" he promised. "Truly! I had a backup plan! A backup plan that I'm really, <em>really</em> glad we didn't need. I mean, I couldn't take the risk that I wouldn't be able to bring him back. I've never done anything remotely like that before. But it worked. It <em>worked.</em>"</p>
<p>He leaned back, taking a shaky breath and glancing towards the rest of the group. "Lancelot?" he asked tentatively.</p>
<p>Arthur tried to sit up again, and this time he succeeded with a little bit of help from Gwaine. Then he turned to look at the errant knight.</p>
<p>He didn't need magic or a test to know the enchantment was broken. There was a light in Lancelot's eyes, a gentleness in his face, that had disappeared bit by bit over the past days, replaced with hardness and anger and hatred.</p>
<p>He was looking at the face of his friend once more.</p>
<p>The others were more hesitant to believe, however.</p>
<p>"Arthur nearly died," Merlin said, studying Lancelot's face. "I could have let him die. Do you think I should have?"</p>
<p>Lancelot frowned in confusion, looking from one person to the next, then down at the ropes binding him.</p>
<p>"What do you remember?" Arthur asked gently, and Lancelot directed his attention towards him. Arthur looked carefully, but he saw no hatred or rage in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Everything," Lancelot answered, his confusion slowly turning to horror. "I hated you, Arthur. I…I've never hated anyone like that. I wanted you dead more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." His eyes widened suddenly. "I <em>tried</em> to kill you. Oh, gods… I'm sorry, my lord! I didn't mean—"</p>
<p>"Stop," Arthur interrupted. "It wasn't you. It was the curse."</p>
<p>"The amulet," Lancelot remembered, leaning forward frantically to try to see his leg, straining against the ropes.</p>
<p>"It's gone," Percival spoke up, gesturing vaguely. "We threw it over there somewhere."</p>
<p>Merlin stood, nudging his toe through the long grass until he found it. He picked it up and studied it, a look of loathing on his face.</p>
<p>"The magic's gone," he confirmed with a loud exhale. "It worked."</p>
<p>Percival pulled out his sword and cut Lancelot loose from the tree. He stood, shaking his limbs to get blood flowing into them again. He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of Arthur.</p>
<p>"It's strange," he said. "Like waking from an exceptionally vivid nightmare, where for a moment you're not sure what's real and what's not. I don't <em>want</em> to kill you, but there's still…" he hesitated, struggling for words. "There's still this voice, saying I <em>should</em> want to. Saying I <em>should</em> hate you. I know it's not real, but it's <em>there</em>." He shuddered.</p>
<p>Arthur stood, gratefully grasping Leon's helping arm as he wobbled for a moment, then made his way to Lancelot. He placed a hand on his shoulder as Lancelot continued to stare at him. Around him, he could see the other knights tense. If any part of the enchantment still held, Lancelot wouldn't be able to stand the proximity. Even as Arthur gripped his shoulder firmly with his left hand, his right hovered near the hilt of his sword, ready to step back and draw if need be.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, sire," Lancelot whispered again.</p>
<p>Arthur grinned, then gave him a gentle shake.</p>
<p>"It's over now," he said. "It's over."</p>
<p>Lancelot laughed suddenly, a joyful and free sound. "Let me guess – Merlin saved the day again?"</p>
<p>"I killed Arthur to break the enchantment," Merlin confirmed from where he knelt, building a fire to destroy what remained of the amulet. "And then I brought him back again."</p>
<p>"No surprise there," Lancelot said with a proud smile, then added to Arthur, "He has a habit of saving us all. Especially you. Although this is the first time that I know of that he killed you. Bet that was satisfying," he joked, walking over to join Merlin.</p>
<p>Merlin held up a hand. "No, stay over there until I have this thing destroyed. I'm not taking any chances." He murmured something and his eyes flashed gold, and the fire sprung to life. "And no. For all the times I've wanted to kill Arthur, I found the reality of the experience decidedly less enjoyable than the fantasy."</p>
<p>He stood and tossed the amulet in the fire, uttering a few more unintelligible words. The flames roared larger, making a screeching noise, then a snapping sound. Once they died back down to normal, Merlin leaned over for a closer look, a satisfied smile spreading across his face.</p>
<p>"Nothing but ashes now," he declared before rejoining the group.</p>
<p>Lancelot closed the distance quickly, grabbing his friend into a hug.</p>
<p>"Thank you," he said earnestly, and Merlin tensed.</p>
<p>"I should have protected you," he mumbled. "I left you vulnerable to her. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Lancelot just chuckled, letting him go only to grasp his shoulders. "I've told you before, Merlin. You can't save everyone all the time. I'm just glad you were here to end it." He turned to look at the rest of them. "Although I have to say, I'm surprised this crew agreed to let you kill the king."</p>
<p>"Yes, well, it was either kill me or cut off your leg," Arthur said darkly, prompting Lancelot to blanch. "There were no good options."</p>
<p>The knight glanced down at his leg, blinking in alarm, and Arthur felt a pang of guilt for his bluntness.</p>
<p>"No good options, indeed," he murmured.</p>
<p>The group fell into silence, a combination of exhilarated relief and utter exhaustion sweeping over them, until Elyan stood.</p>
<p>"I don't know about you lot, but I'm starving. I'm going to go get some water for dinner." He paused for a moment before nodding to Merlin. "You look like hell. I'll cook tonight."</p>
<p>Merlin, who <em>did</em> look like hell, now that he mentioned it, smiled, and Elyan gave him a tentative smile in return. And Arthur suspected the gratitude in his servant's eyes extended far beyond his relief at being excused from the chore.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Lancelot murmured to Arthur as the group migrated towards the fire. The sun was sinking towards the horizon, and they were slowly transitioning into their normal pattern of stopping for the night, as though something momentous and unbelievable hadn't just happened. "For trusting Merlin. For protecting me, even as I tried to kill you. I know that couldn't have been an easy decision."</p>
<p>"It wasn't," Arthur admitted. He stared at his servant, who was sitting on the ground and leaning against a log. Collapsed against the log, really, his face pale and his body limp with fatigue. "He's lied so much, Lancelot. I wanted to believe him that he could pull it off, but…" he trailed off. Now that the crisis with Lancelot was over, all of his conflicted feelings about his servant the sorcerer were welling up again.</p>
<p>"He hated it, you know."</p>
<p>Arthur looked at him inquisitively.</p>
<p>"The lying," he clarified. "Especially lying to you. It absolutely tormented him. He cares about your opinion above all others. He cares about your friendship above all others. But he cares about your safety above even that. And he knew if you executed him or sent him away, he couldn't protect you."</p>
<p>Arthur sighed. "He's an idiot."</p>
<p>"He's really not. Merlin just has his priorities, and they're pretty rigid. He loves Camelot, and he loves you like you're his own family. Everything he does flows out of that."</p>
<p>Arthur thought and felt a myriad of things at those words. But all he said in response was, "I'm glad you're back."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"So, tell me, Merlin," Arthur began, once everyone had finished dinner and conversation had fallen into a tired lull. Merlin's head kept nodding down, then jerking back up as he fought sleep. Arthur suspected he might've had a nod or two of his own.</p>
<p>He had many questions to ask, but one in particular he wanted cleared up before he collapsed on his bedroll.</p>
<p>"What exactly was this backup plan of yours that had you so thoroughly convinced I wouldn't die?"</p>
<p>Merlin's body went still, the sleepiness gone from his eyes when they opened.</p>
<p>"Doesn't matter," he said flippantly. "I didn't need it."</p>
<p>"Which sounds like a good thing," Arthur acknowledged. "But I'm your king, and I'm ordering you to tell me what it was."</p>
<p>A few of the knights hid their smiles as Merlin glared at him, bristling under the authoritative tone. But his reluctance to share just made Arthur more determined to know.</p>
<p>"It was that first spell I did," he finally admitted in a grudging voice. "It was dormant. But if you'd reached the point of death where I couldn't pull you back, it would have kicked in and saved you."</p>
<p>"Sounds useful," Arthur said shrewdly. "And yet you didn't tell us about it before, and you clearly don't want to tell us about it now. So what aren't you telling me?"</p>
<p>Merlin chewed his lip for a few seconds. "Why does it matter?"</p>
<p>"Because I'm done with secrets," Arthur replied firmly, and the stubbornness faded from Merlin's face.</p>
<p>"The universe demands balance," he answered in a soft voice. "If someone has reached the point of death, they cannot be saved without another taking their place. A life for a life."</p>
<p>It took a moment for Arthur to understand what he was saying. When the pieces clicked, he sat up straight, his face warming with anger.</p>
<p>"A life for a life?" he demanded. "You mean if you couldn't bring me back, you were planning on <em>trading</em> someone's life for mine?"</p>
<p>Merlin nodded.</p>
<p>"And whose life were you planning to trade?"</p>
<p>The words slipped out before Arthur fully thought them through, and Merlin stiffened.</p>
<p>"I'm going to pretend you didn't just ask me that," he said, his voice eerily calm, and Arthur saw both hurt and anger in his eyes.</p>
<p>Guilt flooded through Arthur as he realized the obvious truth.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," he said, and he meant it. "Of course…gods, Merlin. You <em>idiot!</em> That was your plan? To sacrifice yourself for me?"</p>
<p>"I swore on my own life I would not let you die," he reminded him. "Did you think I didn't mean it?"</p>
<p>Arthur sighed. "Of course you did." He glowered at his servant. "Never again. Do you understand? Whatever that spell was, you will never use it again."</p>
<p>Merlin returned his gaze for a moment, then closed his eyes and relaxed back against the log once more, apparently done with the conversation.</p>
<p>"Merlin," Arthur warned. "That's an order from your king. Do you understand me?"</p>
<p>"I understand your order perfectly," Merlin confirmed, eyes still closed, a small smile on his face as he ignored Arthur's scowl.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were behind schedule. They would definitely arrive in Camelot a day late, possibly two. But as they packed up and set out the next morning, everyone moved leisurely. There was no prisoner to guard, no one attempting to attack the king. And while there was still a sorcerer, no one gave him dark looks or detoured around the camp to avoid him.</p>
<p>It helped that Lancelot was himself again, and his relationship with Merlin remained utterly unchanged. It brought an element of normalcy to the group dynamic that the other knights tentatively followed.</p>
<p>Elyan helped Merlin with his chores again, offering him unsure smiles that Merlin was quick to return, and Percival seemed almost normal, making small talk with Merlin and Lancelot as they packed up their things. Before they parted ways, the larger man grabbed Merlin's arm and murmured his thanks.</p>
<p>Leon joined Merlin as he finished up the apple he was having for breakfast, taking a casual seat beside him.</p>
<p>"So that's why you were so sure he'd live," the knight said. "Because if he didn't, you were going to die for him."</p>
<p>Merlin gave Leon a rueful grin. "It was the only way I could be certain. I'm glad it turned out to be unnecessary, though. I rather like not dying."</p>
<p>"That was a brave thing to do."</p>
<p>"You would have done the same in my position," Merlin pointed out, earning a small smile from Leon.</p>
<p>"My loyalty is to the king," he said by way of confirmation. "My first priority is always his safety."</p>
<p>Merlin heard something in Leon's tone that went beyond his words, and his smile fell.</p>
<p>"You still think I'm a threat to that safety."</p>
<p>"You're a sorcerer, Merlin," Leon said simply, almost apologetically. "I don't doubt your intentions or your loyalty, but I question your judgment. And after seeing what happened with Morgana, I can't help but wonder how your magic affects you. How it will affect you in the future." He sighed. "I like you. Always have. And I suspect it's possible Arthur is safer with you around than without you. But…"</p>
<p>"But I'm a sorcerer," Merlin finished, and Leon nodded.</p>
<p>"Arthur's safety is always my first priority," he repeated. And Merlin, to his own surprise, smiled.</p>
<p>"Good," he said firmly. "Mine too. And I would rather you be overly cautious than not cautious enough." Leon blinked in surprise at that. "I'll earn your trust, Leon. If you'll give me the chance, and give me time, I'll prove you can trust me again."</p>
<p>Leon stared at him for a moment, then let out a baffled laugh. "You're something else, Merlin. You know that?"</p>
<p>The two men shared a long look, and Merlin could see the guilt and regret in Leon's eyes. But despite the hurt, he couldn't fault the man for his wariness. Because if the tables were turned, he honestly couldn't say he'd be without concerns of his own. Of all the knights, Leon was the only one whose protectiveness of the king came close to matching Merlin's.</p>
<p>Leon stood, and as he walked by, he ruffled Merlin's hair just a bit gentler than he normally did.</p>
<p>Merlin sighed. It wasn't what he had hoped for, but at least he was making progress with the knights.</p>
<p>Well. Most of the knights.</p>
<p>He stood and looked around until he found Gwaine sitting against a tree, waiting for the rest of the group to be ready to leave. He took a deep breath, feeling oddly shy and nervous, and made himself go sit next to his friend.</p>
<p>Gwaine didn't look up as he approached, his eyes scanning the woods around them with unnecessary focus.</p>
<p>"So," Merlin began after an awkward pause. "I don't know if you heard, but I saved Arthur <em>and</em> Lancelot yesterday. With magic."</p>
<p>Gwaine let out a huff that might have been the beginning of a laugh.</p>
<p>"Any chance I can persuade you that means I'm not evil?" Merlin asked, nudging him with his arm, and Gwaine shook his head.</p>
<p>"I know you're not evil, Merlin. You're...loyal, and brave, and reckless, and all the things you've always been."</p>
<p>"Then why won't you look at me?" Merlin asked softly.</p>
<p>Gwaine swallowed, his mouth tightening as he struggled to find words. "When I woke up, and your eyes were gold, and Lancelot…" he trailed off. "I didn't know what to think. You attacked a knight with magic. But then I thought about it, and…" His mouth twisted into a pained smile. "I realized you would do the same thing as Caerleon's sorcerer. You would kill every last one of us to protect Arthur."</p>
<p>Merlin's stomach lurched, partly because it was a horrifying thought, but mostly because he suspected - he feared - Gwaine might be right. He wasn't sure what lines he'd be unwilling to cross to keep Arthur safe.</p>
<p>Gwaine cleared his throat, and suddenly his tone changed to something more direct and matter of fact. "But not for glory," he said firmly. "Not for money or prestige, like he did. Yesterday...you did what you had to do to save Arthur. But you were willing to sacrifice your own life before you'd harm Lancelot. Which was…" he laughed roughly. "Which was the sort of thing my friend would do."</p>
<p>He finally looked at Merlin, just a brief side glance. "You lied to all of us when we trusted you. I couldn't help having some doubts." He hesitated before continuing, forcing the words out. "But I knew better than to behave the way I did. I knew <em>you </em>better than to behave the way I did. All the years of friendship between us, and I didn't even give you the benefit of the doubt."</p>
<p>"No," Merlin agreed, and he didn't bother trying to hide the hurt in his voice. "You didn't."</p>
<p>Gwaine turned his head toward him, although his gaze stayed fixed on the ground. "I owe you an apology. I didn't act like much of a friend."</p>
<p>Merlin nodded his acceptance. "Thank you," he said, studying the knight and wishing he would look up and meet his eyes.</p>
<p>After a moment, Gwaine asked, "Why didn't you tell me? Not that it's any excuse for my behavior, but finding out that way, through violence…" he trailed off with a dark smile. "Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but I'd like to believe I would have listened."</p>
<p>"Maybe," Merlin agreed, although he wasn't so sure. "But I didn't tell anyone." He wasn't sure he could ever fully explain just how deeply ingrained the need for secrecy had always been. No matter how the others might try to understand, he doubted they ever could. "Not ever. Not until I told Arthur. I learned to keep my magic a secret before I learned anything else in life."</p>
<p>"You told Lancelot," Gwaine pointed out, and Merlin shook his head.</p>
<p>"I didn't say a word to him. Lancelot caught me doing magic, years ago."</p>
<p>Gwaine perked up a little bit at that, finally meeting his eyes. "Really?"</p>
<p>"Really."</p>
<p>A smile tugged on his friend's lips even as he tried to fight it. "So it really was a secret from everyone. Not just from some of us."</p>
<p>"Yes," Merlin confirmed. "It had to be, if I wanted to keep my head."</p>
<p>Gwaine gave into the smile. "Based on what I saw with Lancelot, anyone who tries to harm that head is in for a surprise."</p>
<p>"I can take care of myself," Merlin admitted with a grin and a modest shrug.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Gwaine said quietly. "I guess you can. That will take some getting used to."</p>
<p>Arthur interrupted before Merlin could reply.</p>
<p>"Time to get going," he called, walking over. "Everything ready, Merlin?"</p>
<p>"Yes," he confirmed, standing.</p>
<p>"All right," Arthur said, clapping a hand on his shoulder for a moment as they walked toward the horses. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a real bed and a real meal. Let's get home."</p>
<p>
  <em>Home.</em>
</p><hr/>
<p>Merlin woke to a dark sky overhead, although the eastern horizon was beginning to pale. Unlike his alarmed awakening a few nights before, this time he rose from sleep softly, peacefully. His tired body protested at the interruption, but his mind stubbornly took hold of consciousness.</p>
<p>Rolling over, he spotted Arthur sitting next to a dying fire, so he sat up and stretched, then ambled over to join him.</p>
<p>"I thought you didn't have a watch tonight?" he asked. "There shouldn't be any lasting harm from what I did, but you still need rest."</p>
<p>"I woke and couldn't get back to sleep," Arthur said simply, "so I sent Percival to bed. There was no point in two of us being up. Why are <em>you</em> awake?"</p>
<p>Merlin hesitated for a moment. He was pretty sure he knew why he was awake, but he wasn't sure how Arthur would respond to it.</p>
<p>"I think some of my magic is still lingering in your body, to be honest. I think I'm awake because you're awake."</p>
<p>Arthur frowned at that, but all he said was, "Weird."</p>
<p>"A little," Merlin agreed. He watched Arthur for a moment, then asked, "Anything particular on your mind?"</p>
<p>Arthur chuckled humorlessly. "Anett. She went after you. She tried to enchant me. She enchanted Lancelot. She's not a woman who does things in half measures."</p>
<p>"No. Nor is she a woman who gives up easily."</p>
<p>Arthur nodded grimly. "She'll try again. One way or another, she wants a foothold in Camelot."</p>
<p>"Yes," Merlin said. "She'll <em>try</em>. Just as she's tried three times already, and failed three times. And we'll be ready. <em>I'll</em> be ready."</p>
<p>"I haven't figured out yet if your confidence is encouraging or just another symptom of your idiocy," Arthur replied, eyeing him warily, and Merlin gave him a halfhearted scowl.</p>
<p>They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Arthur spoke again. "You're a sorcerer."</p>
<p>Merlin tried to hide his smile at the asinine observation. "I am."</p>
<p>"But you truly don't want me dead. Or to hurt Camelot. You just…want to do what you've always done. What I always knew you to do, I mean. Run around like an idiot, taking stupid risks to keep us all safe. To keep <em>me</em> safe."</p>
<p>"I don't run around like an idiot," Merlin protested, and Arthur snickered.</p>
<p>"You've clearly never seen yourself during a bandit attack."</p>
<p>Merlin glared, but didn't argue. Then Arthur turned to his head to look at him, and his laughter faded.</p>
<p>"Thank you, Merlin," he said soberly. "I know the past several days haven't been easy on you, and what you did, that ridiculous spell… it was brave. Stupid, but brave. You will always have my gratitude for it. And I <em>will</em> beat you if you ever do it again."</p>
<p>Merlin shrugged, pleased by the praise and ignoring the threat. "It was worth it. I was terrified I was going to lose either you or him, and I couldn't bear either thought."</p>
<p>"It was a dark place to be," Arthur acknowledged. "You know, I was so sure of what I knew about magic. And now I find what I knew about magic doesn't match at all with what I'm learning about you. And as sure as I was about magic…I think I'm more sure about you, Merlin."</p>
<p>Something calm swept over Merlin at those words, something that made his chest warm and his whole body seem lighter.</p>
<p>"There's a lot I don't know."</p>
<p>Merlin snorted at that. "There sure is."</p>
<p>"No need to agree quite so emphatically," Arthur scolded, looking a little offended.</p>
<p>Merlin smiled contritely. "I don't mean it in a cruel way," he said by way of apology. "But you've been taught so little of magic, and so much of what you have been taught is wrong."</p>
<p>"Will you help me?" Arthur asked quietly. "So I can better understand? So I can better rule?"</p>
<p>Merlin feared the warmth in his chest may explode out of him at that, a burst of magic straight into the clearing. Taking a deep breath, he pushed it back down and nodded. "I would like nothing more."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We made it! Thank you for sticking with this story - I know I rocked the boat a little bit with some folks (I had no idea people felt so strongly about Gwaine!), and it means a lot to me that people continued to read and leave supportive comments, even when they were skeptical of where I was taking it. </p>
<p>I decided to write a sequel instead of wrapping things up with Anett (it just felt too rushed), and I'm about halfway through that now. But I would LOVE to hear what else people would like to see in it! If there are other things that need more resolution, or things you liked and want to see more of, let me know and I'll see if I can work it into the story.</p>
<p>I'm taking a few weeks off, but hopefully I'll be back in January, if I can have something ready to post by then. Happy holidays, everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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